The Healing Ranch

Chapter 20

"Seriously thank you so much Tate. You don't understand how much this makes this Christmas season just a bit easier." She kissed his jaw and he smiled down at her.

"I think I do understand Megs. More than you know. Christmas time used to be my favorite." She smiled sadly at his words.

"Mine too." They sat for a while longer staring at the tree, wrapped up in each others arms.

****

That whole day, they dedicated to getting the house ready for Christmas. They decorated the house from top to bottom, Tate pulling out decorations that Megan hadn't seen since her Grandma had died. The house rang with their laughter and they took many, many dance breaks but underneath was sense of loss and sadness.

"My mom made this." Megan pulled out an angel made of straw out of the cardboard box and stroked her straw hair. Tate stopped what he was doing and turned around.

"I'm sorry Megs." He said softly, understanding how hard it was for her.

"Don't be. I don't remember her much. But it is a weird feeling knowing that everyone's gone now. I'm all alone." Suddenly the angel was pulled out of her hands and placed beside her as Tate kneeled in front of her.

"You aren't alone. I promise you will never be alone." He laid a gentle kiss of her forehead and she closed her eyes.

"Thank you." They went back to decorating, but the mood was a little more melancholy after that.

*****

Tate headed out to do chores late, and he rushed through them, wanting to get back inside to the warmth of the fire. He was filled with a sense of happiness and lightness that he hadn't felt for a long time. He thought back to the day with Megan and couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face. It had been perfect. After the last horse was fed and the tractor was plugged in for the night, he headed in, stopping to stomp his boots off on the porch. As soon as he opened the door the smell of gingerbread cookies wafted out and he smiled. Megan must have done some baking.

"I know how you feel. I wish he would call you too. No I understand. Don't worry about it. I'll talk to you again tomorrow okay? Thank you so much for calling tonight. Yes of course I'll tell him. He's just so stubborn you know?" Megan's voice came from the kitchen and made him stop in his tracks. A sick feeling started in the pit of his stomach but he pushed it down and headed into the kitchen just as she hung up the phone.

"Somethin smells good in here." Even to his own ears, his voice sounded a little hollow and Megan jumped.

"Oh you scared me Tate!" She had her hand over her heart and a guilty smile on her face. His stomach clenched again.

"Megan who were you talkin too?" He said in a low voice and he noticed her eyes flicker down to her phone before shooting back up to meet his.

"Oh- uh.. um.. Just an old friend! Wishing them Merry Christmas you know?" She laughed nervously and he narrowed his eyes.

"What are you hidin from me Megan?" He took the phone out of her limp hands and she just stared at it sadly.

"Please don't be mad Tate." He took a deep breath and scrolled down the recent calls. A familiar number popped up and he actually took a step backward, feeling like he had been punched in the stomach.

"You've been talkin to my mama Megan?" He said in an anguished whisper. He mind spun, and he couldn't wrap it around the fact that she was going behind his back to talk to his mom.

"Tate, please! Don't overreact about this. She called your phone one day when you were gone and I answered and I..." Tears were running freely down her cheeks now.

"Don't overreact? What am I supposed to do? Give you the go ahead to talk to my mama when I don't even have the strength to hear her voice? Tell you to go ahead and talk to her behind my back without you even caring how I feel about it?" His voice was slowly growing louder and he felt the temper inside of him rising. He had to get control of himself fast.

"Tate you are being stupid! We both care about you and she misses you so much! She just wants to know how you are doing, but you won't even talk to her!" Megan's voice was shaky, but also rising, showing that her temper was also rising quickly.

"Don't you dare tell me that I'm being stupid. It hurts too bad to hear her voice what part of that don't you get? It also hurts that the woman that I care about would just talk to my mama without my knowing. I can't even talk to her so why should you get too?" Tate roared and tried to ignore the way Megan flinched a little. She then grew taller in her seat, anger taking over her features.

"Listen to yourself right now Tate! You make no sense! She wants to talk to you, she cries about you, and yet you refuse to talk to her. So why can't I if you don't? Someone has to let her know you are still alive! Besides you actually have a family that you choose to ignore. I don't get it Tate! Not all of us have family anymore so when you are lucky enough to have one, you shouldn't turn your back on them! That isn't even right!" She was yelling now, but instead of her words hitting home for him, they just made him angrier. He took two big steps towards her and crouched down in front of her to look her in her eyes.

"Don't you dare tell me what is right and wrong Megan. You can't say anything until you've had your whole family hate you. You can't say anything until you've had your own mother look at you with fear and a little disgust in her eyes. You can't say anything until you watch your brother's wife and son fall apart, your father turn to alcohol, and you hear your mama crying in her sleep and begging someone not to take your son and know that it's all your fault. You can't say anything until you've ran away from your family so they don't have to look at you anymore, because your father can barely stand to look you in the eyes and your mother feels pity for you but resents you at the same time. You can't say anything about it until you cut your family off to help them and then the woman you care about more than anything starts meddling and trying to force your family back together without understandin why you ran." He was yelling but his voice cracked towards the end and he felt wetness in his eyes.

"Tate." She reached for him, tears streaming down her face but he backed away.

"No Megan. I have to go." He turned and walked towards the door and heard her cry after him.

"Tate please! Don't go! I'm sorry!"

"Don't expect me home until morning. I know better than to drive drunk this time." With those parting words he let the door slam shut behind him, and headed towards his truck to go and drown his pain the only way he knew how.