To Love *The Maze Runner/Newt Fanfic*

Chapter 18

"She's not my girlfriend, okay?" Newt held out his arms in defense.

"Then what is she?" I took a deep breath, "Never mind, I don't even care what she is." I don't like Newt. I therefore shouldn't care about his personal life.

"I get it you're angry-"

"No crap."

It doesn't involve me. I need to let this go.

"Why would you volunteer to go down the box hole?" Newt asked, "That was irresponsible and irrational. You're basically throwing your life away."

"I don't know, I just did." I mumbled, picking at my nails.

"You mean to say that you did that without a buggin' reason?" Newt gave me an 'are you kidding' face.

"I'm doing it, because I can't sit here and not try to escape. Maybe you can live like this, but I can't." I shook my head, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. Great now I'm overly emotional, "Call me insane." I mumbled, "But deep down you know that that hole could be our way out."

"You think I can live like this?" Newt's voice cracked at the end of his sentence.

My mind frantically scrambled, trying to ignore what Newt had just said. This conversation seemed to be spiraling out of control.

"Join the club, Brianne; nobody's happy here."

"If you're gonna bombard me with questions, then I'll ask some of my own; Why do you suddenly care? Why are you trying to control me? We don't know each other, Newt."

"I've always cared." He said, almost inaudible.

"Why am I even arguing with you?" I don't know him. Why am I so angry?

"Because you need someone to trust and talk to and hey, I do too. Maybe we were sent here-"

"Maybe nothing! What if there is no bigger picture?" I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. There had to be something bigger than this glade.

"If there isn't a bigger picture, then why the heck are you trying so hard to find one?" I met Newt's gaze. His mouth was slightly opened, his breathing heavy, "If there's no hope, then why not throw all of our lives away?"

"I'm just trying to be brave, okay? I'm trying to find my place here and so far it isn't working out that great for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Nobody likes me. I'm basically hated. For what? Changing things?"

Newt's eyes lowered to the ground, he looked to have calmed down. Without realizing it, Newt and I had gotten significantly closer to each other.

"I'm sorry for yelling. I don't want to fight with you. I actually came to apologize for the way Amelia and Andrea were acting. I've settled everything. Everyone knows exactly who I like now." Newt's eyes were intently watching me, "I want to leave the past in the past."

I swallowed the lump that had found its way into my throat. I contemplated my words.

Say what you want to, Brianne.

"Is this how you act with all of the Newbies?" I wasn't even sure if he had heard my question, that's how softly I'd spoken it.

"What?" He asked, but by the look on his face, I could tell he'd heard me.

"Play with their feelings? 'Make them feel welcome'?"

"No-"

"Look, you can't come be my best friend, flirt with me, make me believe we have a connection, and then break the news to me that you have a crazy half-girlfriend, later," I shook my head, "That isn't right."