Great Love (Kaylor)

26:"Window"

The voice of Josh keeps echoes in my head for 2 months straight after the engagement event.

"Choose me or her?" Josh's voice echoes to my head over again and again. Keep me awake all night. "I dont know what will people say if they see these pictures of you two kissing at the beach. I dont know what they will react if they know Taylor Swift actually falls in love with her own best friends. That she's actually a lesbian. That she's gay." The voices keep echoes louder. And louder the back of my mind.

No.. No... NO! I will never let that happen to her. No one will never know. I have to end this. Karlie shakes her head to be in reality. Karlie grabs her chest. It feels hurt.

What I am supposed to do now?

Saying goodbye is like a death by a thousand cuts. Even we never say a 'GOOD' goodbye. How we can end up like this, babe? I'm a sorry bunny. You'll okay without me. One day, you'll agree with me that this is the best way for the two of us.

I wipe my tear that drops both of my cheeks. I get up on my feet and walking downstairs. I can't hold anymore my tears if I still right here and it's hurt my feelings to see or hear her cry or let her down because of me. To see her breakdown like that. Leaving her there at the rooftop. Crumbled under the cold rainstorm.

I was thinking for 2 months on how I suppose to explain to her about the sudden engagement. I was thinking for a million times to make this decision. I know this is a selfish cruel decision. I was thinking about how I am supposed to come out with the reason why I need a break up with her. Nothing. There is no reason I could think of.

I keep my distance from her. I need some time to think. I need some space. I ignored her completely for 2 months. For 2 months straight I avoided her. Ignored her. I was with Josh. I'm afraid Josh will expose the secret that I try to hide over these years. The secret I never bare to let the world know for this moments.

I'm afraid of the world will found out the truth of us. I'm afraid of the words 'Karlie Loves Taylor' and 'Taylor Loves Karlie' articles that will bash our relationship. There are a lot of people out there want to see other people get down. The world will never approved of us. The world will judge us. The world will hate us.

I know she was looking for me everywhere that I used to be. At my apartment at West Village, New York. At our favorite Dogpound gym. At my Klossy office. She called all of our mutual friends asking where I am. I ignored all of her messages. Ignored all her calls. I was running from her. Why did I keep running from her?

Actually, I'm not running from her, I was running from myself.

Because I was scared. I was scared of losing her. I was scared I might hurt her. I wasn't brave enough to face her. I wasn't bold enough to tell her the truth behind what really happens in her life right now is because of me. Because of Josh. All happens to her was because of me. How I am supposed to tell her about that? How I am supposed to break up with her when we don't have any issues and never have a fight lately.

We were just fine. We were okay. Except we rarely see each other because of our busy work commitment.

I need to find a good reason to leave her. But, I cannot find one. For 2 months I keep thinking about how I am supposed to break up with her? How I'm supposed to end with her? How I'm supposed to tell her that I'll never see her again? How?

Every day Josh keeps pushing me. Harrass me. Blackmail me. Remind me that he will expose the video and photo of me and Taylor if I did not break up with her. And if I do not accept his proposal. He will expose everything to the media. He will send it to the internet. I was afraid. I don't know what to do.