The Mistress

XXXIX

"Don't push it... If you don't feel good... Then don't talk about it"

"But I want to.... I want to share everything with you.. Because I trust you"

I was really opting for the 'L' word but I don't want to make things feel even more awkward

"Okay" he whispered softly and kiss my cheeks

"My mom was a member of a band and she couldn't leave that to start a family with my dad, so she had to leave before I could even walk.... My dad had to work double to make ends meet. He was never always around so I was raised by his mother... My nana, it was OK at first but I always felt so lonely... So empty ... Later on mom showed up and pretend to feel sorry and wants to be a family again. But I wasn't buying it... Unfortunately dad did, of course he still loved her...So she moved in and for a while we lived together as one happy family but that surely didn't last.. She was cracked headed drug addict and music freak. So she went to my dad's safe and took out his money... I was downstairs when she was leaving and she just took one good look at me and ran off and that was the last time saw her and I was only twelve... "

I played with my fingers as I went on

"A couple of months later we heard she died of overdose... My dad gave her a befitting burial As my nana would call it... She hated her guts
High school was a whole different experience... It was either you fit in or you get bullied, I didn't own many clothes. I rode my dad's old bike and my sneakers were worn out, there was no way I would fit in.. But in other not to be bullied on I had to roll with the bad rugged guys.. They did drugs and stole cars.... In that period i realize that i was growing wild and the only person who got sick worried of my late nights and my misbehaviors was my dad.. He was always to look after Me, shield me but that didn't stop me from getting arrested twice. I have no excuse......
I was young....
I was dumb
And I was so lonely
Because of my slacks I had to retake my senior year.. That's how I met Desie, he would tutor me and help me with my assignments and somehow I graduated... i really wanted to make him proud"

I shook my head and try to hold my tears

"On my graduation... He was running late, I was waiting for him to come before I collected my diploma.....it was just my nana and Uncle Pete that was there.... I waited.... But he di... Di.didn't show up "

Tears rolled down my eyes as I stammered

"Even when we gathered at my nana's for dinner he still wasn't back... I had gut feeling that something bad had happen.... I was so uneased...I waited by the window.. Waiting for his truck to pull over... And then the cops showed up. I watched them talk to my grandma from far but I could hear faintly
.... They said... 'He had a fatal accident. He didn't survive it... He was moved to the mortuary.. We are sorry for your lost'

I was so shattered..... Nothing made sense anymore.. I didn't cry until they showed us his body. I was sure there was a misunderstanding somewhere but when I saw his lifeless injured body at the morgue.. I couldn't hold it back "

I burst into tears and Felix wrapped his arm around me and pats my back

"Shussssh.... That's OK... Am sorry.. I shouldn't have asked I am so sorry"

After a while.. He made me another cup of coffee and I relaxed in his arm

"It's not everyone that gets bad news on their graduation..... Some get new flashy cars, new phones and laptops... I got my dad in a body bag"

"That's enough... Matilda, no more Pls"

"No Felix... I need to know that I am moving on from this... It been so long and the pain is still as fresh as yesterday.... I need to let go... "

"Yes You do... Am sure that's what your dad would have wanted.... I'm really sorry for your loss or losses"

"Thanks"

"So what about your nana"

"I haven't seen her since I dropped out of college.... She shut the door in my face when I showed up at her house"

"Have you tried reaching her"

"Twice.... She's really pissed"

"But why did you drop out of college "

"That's a tricky question...... I'm not mentally fit for college"

He raised his eyebrows

"Am serious.... I tried to tell them but they wouldn't listen... Nana wanted me to be a librarian like her or a school teacher.... Little did she know that I had my own plans... As a compensation to my nana for her services at the town library and in memory of my dad who died while driving the town's truck.. The mayor and his council gave me a scholarship to the community college.. I was really surprised.. I thought they'd be giving it to one of the really smart kids.. But no they chose me... So I had no choice I had to grow.. And just because my nana saw me draw really amazing things.. She thought why not... Let her do architecture..... Oh crap.. Don't even get me started on the assignments and projects and blueprints.... I was failing woefully. I couldn't keep up.. I swear my brain couldn't assimilate a thing"

"Was that really why you dropped out"

"Not really.... But it was part of it...... I kinda.... Helped... My boyfriend at that time to dupe people"

He was so shocked he pulled away drastically

"No no no no... It wasn't intentional.. The thing is we were going to open a food truck and we needed sponsors... So we spoke to a few people... I spoke to a few people to fund the business and I was able to convinced them"

"I can imagine" he teased

"But unfortunately... Logan was a scumbag... He went to las Vegas and then he squandered the whole money... He gambled with everything and then he disappeared... There' was no way I could afford to pay them back"

"So you ran...... And left everything behind... How much are we talking about "

"Around two hundred thousand from four people... Two staked a bit higher"

I had to avoid his gaze... His look was terrifying... Like he was so disappointed