california 02 // loki's romanoff prelude

twenty eight // the bad guy, for real

When Natasha opened her eyes, she was sitting in the passenger seat of a car - their car, the one that smelt so familiar, the one with Loki's bag still in the back - and Loki was sitting next to her, coughing and retching, in the driver's seat. They were still parked in the S.H.I.E.L.D car park.

Loki was panting hard. His hair was damp with sweat, falling into his face. His eyes were closed with exhaustion.

She put both of her hands to her head. 'Loki, what the fuck have you done?'

'Huh?' He opened one eye.

'How many people died there? You realise there were babies there. Old men. Old women-'

'Who cares about them? The main thing is that-'

She shoved him in the chest. Hard.

'You fucking murderer!'

'Me?' She watched his finely shaped features twist, first in hurt and then in anger. 'I thought you wanted Dreykov dead?'

Natasha laughed at that. 'You couldn't figure out any other way to do that? Without killing an eight-year-old?'

'She's ten, actually. And you said people had tried before. And they failed.' Those eyes. They were so empty, so cruel - why hadn't she seen it before? 'I didn't fail. That's the difference between me and them.'

'I can't believe you right now. You took the lives of thousands in that hospital and you don't seem to care!'

'What do you want me to do, then, Natasha?'

'That's the thing, Loki, I don't fucking know!'

'Don't shout at me,' he snapped. Then, 'You realise I did it for you, right? Their blood is on your hands as much as mine.'

'I never once asked you to do it so don't try and dump your bullshit on me.'

'You can't really say anything, can you?' His voice was getting steadily louder, harsher. 'You, who's murdered ten times the people I just killed then? You, who killed them for no higher purpose except your master asked you to? At least I had reason, Natasha Romanoff, whereas all you had was your master's pathetic word.'

For a moment, Natasha thought she had misheard him. There was no way Loki would ever say something like that. Yet here they were.

Natasha let herself laugh again. 'Nice to know what you think of me.'

Loki didn't reply.

'Don't cry again,' she snapped scornfully.

'I'm not going to,' he snapped back.

'Good. So then you won't cry if I leave.'

For a moment, there was nothing but pure shock on his face. As she flung the door open and walked out of the car, she thought he would pull away, but he didn't. He got out too.

'Natasha!' he called after her.

'Don't come after me. Don't you dare!' She ripped her arm away from his touch. 'Don't touch me!'

'You're being ridiculous. I saved your life!'

'You saved your own life, don't lie to yourself. And don't you dare grab hold of me again. You can keep the fucking car.'

There was a look of dawning realisation on his face. It was cold, and clear, and raw, and broken.

'So this is it?' he said, and he was shaking all over. 'You're leaving me?'

Her heart told her not to, but the last time she'd listened to her heart, it had got her here. She said, 'Bye, Loki.'

'You can't go.' There was a tremble in his voice. 'You can't go! You can't just leave me!'