There's No Way

I Love You

[Shawn's POV]

Fuck. Fuck.

My heart shattered into a million pieces as my brain comprehended the words she was saying. The fact that she lumped me into the same category as the jackass who raped her made me feel sick to my stomach. I took her much smaller hands into mine and gave them a gentle squeeze. Her words echoed in my head.

"Just tell me why you did it..."

I took a deep breath before speaking.

"Come on," I whispered, leading her over to the edge of the bed and sitting down next to her. I tried to calm myself down, terrified of telling her how I was feeling. I looked into her bloodshot eyes; for some reason her inebriated state made it easier to pour my heart out to her.

"My intentions weren't to hurt you," I said. She seemed unconvinced, but I didn't blame her. I took another deep breath before continuing on. "Camila, I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you - and that terrifies me. You're the only one I want, and I know I fucked that up and I genuinely can't tell you just how horrible I feel about what I did. I wish I had some perfect excuse or explanation that would make it seem like I didn't do anything wrong but I don't."

She looked down at our intertwined hands in disappointment.

"I had no idea she was coming over," I explained. "When I saw her at first, I was completely uninterested but when we started talking...I don't know. We were together for five years, I wasn't happy with her but it was comfortable...and for a moment I thought comfortable was what I wanted but that's not true. I don't want something comfortable, I want happy - even if that means taking a risk and doing something that could be scary...like falling in love with your best friend,"

I squeezed her hands again, both of us attempting to contain the tears welling up in our eyes. I panicked slightly when I realized that I had just admitted that I was falling in love with her, but those panicked feelings quickly subsided when I felt her squeeze my hand in reply.

"I know there's nothing I could do that would make everything better at this point," I quietly said. "But I want everything to be better, I want you to be happy. I want both of us to be happy...together. I know I fucked up, I know I hurt you - but that was never my intention. I'm so sorry, Camila." I spoke. She reached up and wiped a stray tear from my eye with her thumb.

"I really wish I didn't need you so much," she finally said. A small smile crept up onto my face at her words. "I was sad, Shawn. I was broken and it was because of you - but at the same time I knew that the only thing that could make me feel better was you." My thumb lazily drew circles on the back of her hand as she continued to speak. "I wish I could be mad at you..." she said. I hadn't even realized that we were slowly inching towards each other until her forehead was leaning against mine.

"I love you," I whispered without even contemplating the words that were coming out of my mouth. I meant it, though. I meant it with my whole heart.

"I love you too," she whispered back, softly smiling.

"I'm so sorry," I choked out, barely above a whisper.

"It's okay, I forgive you," she replied. We were close enough to each other now that I could feel her breath warming my cheek. "I know I'm drunk, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd kiss me," she confidently stated. I couldn't help but chuckle at her slurred words. Our lips connected for a brief yet gentle, soft and magical moment. I pulled away from the kiss, our foreheads leaning against one another once again.

"Um, I-I should probably go to bed now...I'll see you in the morning, okay?" I whispered against her lips. She took a deep breath before nodding in response. I placed another gentle kiss to her head before standing up and heading for the door. I turned to look at her just before I shut the door to her bedroom.

"Goodnight, Mila." I said with a soft smile.

"Goodnight, Shawn" she replied.

----

I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. Part of me was over-the-moon with happiness at the things that had happened in the next room over, but there was also a part of me that was terrified that she wouldn't remember any of it the next morning. Sure she reciprocated the feelings when she was drunk, but what about when she was sober? I tried not to think about it too much but that was proving to be much more difficult than I wanted it to be. 

I woke up the next morning to rays of daylight peering through my window. I let out a tired sigh before getting out of bed and getting ready to head to the gym. I found myself stopping at the door to Camila's room as I walked down the hallway. I put my hand on the door knob, gently pushing the door open to see the tiny brunette peacefully sleeping. I smiled at the sight of her, gently closing the door once more and heading to the gym.

----

I tried to hold both my coffee and her chai tea latte in one hand as I fumbled with the keys to get the front door open. When I walked in, I saw her laying on the couch in the living room watching reruns of I Love Lucy.

"Hey, how are you feeling this morning?" I asked her, setting her drink down on the coffee table in front of her. She groaned and rubbed her eyes before sitting up and grabbing the cup from the table, taking a sip.

"I think I've decided that nothing good comes from alcohol," she sighed. I chuckled and shook my head.

"I don't know, Mila...I've had a pretty good time with tequila before," I remarked, referencing our tequila induced makeout/hook up/whatever-the-hell-it-was from a couple weeks ago. She blushed and rolled her eyes at me.

"Oh please, don't act like you remember anything from that night..." she joked. I chuckled and then took a deep breath, taking her words as the perfect opportunity to ask her what had been on my mind.

"Speaking of...do-do you remember anything from last night?" I asked, taking a seat on the couch next to her. She sighed and looked up at me, smiling.

"I remember the important stuff," she replied, placing her hand on top of mine. I smiled, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I do feel like I owe you an apology though..." she said.

"Camila, you have nothing to be sorry for," I insisted. She shook her head and looked down at her lap.

"Yes, I do. What happened between us sucked and it hurt me a lot - but you never deserved to be  lumped into the same category as Lucas," she looked back up to me before continuing her sentence. "I'm sorry, I know you would never hurt me on purpose." I brought my hand up to cup the side of her face before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on her lips, pulling away only for Camila to bring her lips to mine once again - not ready for the sweet moment to be over yet.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."