Drunk Texting | T. Drake ✔

[07]

I: you know what, I really have to meet him. He seems like an interesting person.

***

T: you were not serious about meeting Jay, right?

I: of course, I am damn serious.

T: no.

I: yes, when are you bringing him to the rooftop with you?

T: never.

I: why?

T: I hadn't gotten over Red Hood and now you want to befriend Jason.

I: what's wrong with that?

I: oh I get it now.

I: you're being jealous again.

T: no, I am not.

I: yes, you are.

I: in addition to being a narcissistic piece of shit, you are also a jealous possessive bitch.

***

T: remind me again why I still talk to you.

I: because you would die otherwise.

T: not really the answer I was hoping for, but fine. It will do.

I: and also because you're totally in love with me by now.

T: about that...

I: I mean who wouldn't? I love me too.

T: right...

T: too bad I can't say that for myself.

I: all you need besides a cup of coffee is a little bit of self love. You will be surprised at the wonders it could do to you.

T: thanks for the advice but I am so out of practice that I hardly doubt any wonders would occur now.

T: you could say I crossed the expiration date for self love years ago.

I: that's sad.

I: and depressing.

I: and I can't help but ask; do you need a hug, Timmy?

T: I don't know.

I: meet me at the rooftop. Right now.

***

I: I swear if I see Red Robin again, I'll beat him to death.

T: what did he do now?

I: he left me with that absolute demon of a Robin. I get it now why you people call Damian a gremlin. I was sure that Robin would bite my toes off too.

T: why are you bringing Damian into this?

I: because in all of Gotham, there's only one brat who can be an equal to that demonic son of a bitch.

I: until or unless you've been lying to me about Damian and he's actually a very sweet kid.

T: um...

I: so you have been lying about Damian this whole time?

T: no! I assure you that isn't the case. Damian is and will always be an annoying gremlin.

T: but what if Red Robin apologizes? Will you still beat him to death?

I: absolutely. If he wants to live, he better not show me his face until I've cooled down.

I: or better still never show me his face again. Like ever.

T: I mean, technically he hasn't shown you his face yet...

I: goodness, Tim, I meant that he should just not show up at all. Why do you have to take everything so goddamn literally?

T: point noted.

T: though will you tell me when you've cooled down? Because I don't want to get you anywhere near as angry as Red Robin has foolishly done so.

I: oh you don't have to worry about that. You're an exception, my fragile little damsel.

T: so like you won't ever get angry at me?

I: as long as you don't leave me to babysit that gremlin brother of yours, no I won't get angry at you.

T: absolutely. That won't ever happen.

***

[ T <•> D ]

T: what did you do to that new vigilante?

D: nothing.

T: don't fuck with me, Damian, I know you've done something horrible.

D: your fault for leaving me with her, you dumbass.

T: she's going to kill me next time she sees me and all because of you.

D: ah thank Lord, your time has come.

D: if she really kills you, then she will become my favorite person and I'll repay the favor in any way she wants me to.

D: and yes that would mean I accomplished in my mission. Congratulations, your funeral will be held soon and I'll be the first one to turn up.

D: with a scroll long eulogy of how you've been such a terrible loser your entire life.

D: good riddance.

T: stop talking as if I've died already.

D: not yet but soon.

D: very soon.

T: that's not the fucking point!

D: then shut the fuck up!

***