Drunk Texting | T. Drake ✔

[06]

J: unless you really want to keep working at LexCorp with your lovely boss.

T: Jason, this is unacceptable.

J: who are you to tell me what's acceptable and what is not?

J: but really though, she's not the one I thought?

T: no.

J: good, I'll ask her out then.

T: Jason, no!

J: don't tell me you're playing with both of them.

T: I am not playing with either of them! But you're still not going to ask my boss out.

J: possessive much?

T: shut up.

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: looks like Red Robin has finally accepted defeat and left me alone.

T: why do you think that?

I: I haven't seen him in a week and he never turns up to screw shit up for me. So far, so good.

T: and you're glad about that?

I: I'm relieved.

T: have you never thought that he could have died?

I: um... No.

T: like he fights off evil everyday, what if it really got to him this time? What if he's no more?

T: what if he got blasted by the Joker? Fell into a black hole on an outer space mission? Strangled to death by the Riddler? Kissed by Poison Ivy?

I: screw you, Tim, you're making me feel worried about that douchebag.

T: the douchebag who could be on his way to heaven right now.

I: shut up. He would have a special place reserved for him in hell.

T: and that place is called the throne, sweetheart.

T: the next morning's paper would have a front page story of his tragic death.

I: I said shut up.

T: and his funeral would be held in the evening service at St George's church.

I: fuck it, I'm going to find the Bats. And if any of your assumption is true, and Red Robin really has died, then you'll be responsible for the consequences.

T: that's my girl. I knew there was something up between you two. 😏

I: you know what, on second thoughts, fuck Red Robin. I should prepare a eulogy. Meet you at the funeral if it does happen. And the champagne's on me.

T: I am disappointed.

I: when are you not? Though now you're officially a damsel in disappointment.

***

T: what do you do in your spare time?

I: that's for me to know and you to dot dot dot.

T: no seriously, I'm curious.

I: I sleep because I'm nocturnal.

T: I just thought of a new name for you. Well, three new names actually.

I: not again. You're horrible at names.

T: Nocturne, or Nocturno or even Nocturna.

I: I appreciate the effort but no thanks would suffice.

T: so am I supposed to call you NoThanks from now on?

I: I still can't believe that people think you're a genius.

T: and I still can't believe that you're an anonymous vigilante. How can you be a vigilante yet not think of a cool name to go as your alias?

***

I: who's that fine as hell dude you were hanging out with today?

T: are you secretly stalking me?

I: not at all, I just happened to see you at Robinson square.

T: that's my brother, Richard. But why are you asking? Should I be worried? Is he going to die?

I: nope. Just thinking that he's a clear proof you're adopted.

T: hey, what was that supposed to mean?

I: go and read the third, fourth and fifth words from the first question I asked you in this chat.

T: fine as hell?

T: oh...

T: too bad, he's taken.

I: aw man.

T: swiper no swiping.

I: you messed up the order.

T: but the message got to you, fair and square, so that's all that matters.

I: do you have any other hot brother who's not taken yet?

T: I have two but one of them is undead and the other is Satan's grandson. So if I set you up with either one of them, you would probably die the next day or kill me if you somehow survived.

T: also one of them is not even hot, he's just a huge brat.

I: and I believe you are talking about Damian. Regardless though, he has the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen.

T: on a completely unrelated note, he's underage so don't even think about it.

I: the fuck's wrong with you? I'm not a creepy pedophile, you idiot.

***

I: your whole family has awesome genes...

T: appreciate the compliment.

I: ...except for you.

T: ouch, that hurt.

***