At some point I had fallen asleep last night and now I was up again. My head spinning at the sun through my window. I should get darker curtains.
I looked beside me and Allen wasn't there. I began to think this was all some horrible nightmare, but at last, it was real. I slid my legs out of my bed and made my way to the door. When I opened it, the smell of biscuits filled my nose.
I walked to the kitchen and my mom smiled big, "Good morning, want some eggs and sausage. I'm making homemade biscuits." She gave me a large goofy smile opening the oven.
I felt my heart aching for the touch of Allen, I needed his arms, his soul, him with me. My eyes examined the room for my absent lover and the window light burned through my skull.
A headache formed and my mind jumped to memories I didn't think were there. I remember feeling the blood on my shirt and sticky on my arms and hands. Then yelling was vibrating my ears.
"Lei." Allen's voice calmed all my thoughts. He looked at me concerned, but still with a small smile on his face. "What's wrong darling?" He kissed my forehead. I looked up about him. Something seemed off. What was it?
"I'm alright, how about we get some breakfast?" I went to grab plates and the utensils. He fixed our food and we sat together eating at the counter. It was calming where we were right now.
Everything was still and it was quiet. So quiet you could hear the gentle flow of wind outside blowing against the trees.
I watched him. Not meaning to, but I couldn't help it. His eyes were so bright and sharp and his face was relaxed. His freckles were dark in this lighting, very visible.
"What?" He giggled and smiled at me. I wanted to melt on the floor. I fell out of my chair and pretended to faint. "So... gorgeous... gonna... die... need.... need... true loves kiss..." I gasped loudly and pretended to die.
He played along and quickly crouched down. Like a dramatic soap opera he picked up my head and clenched his fist in the air. "Worry not my love!! I will save you!"
He kissed me on the lips and then smothered my face with soft kisses all over.
I laughed and giggled and tried to hide away, "I'm saved! I'm saved!"
He held me close to him and kissed me gently again. It was so faint and sweet, I could feel his soul caress mine.
Secrets surrounded him, and suddenly his kiss was cold and his eyes were deceiving when I pulled away.
"Is there something you need to tell me?" I stared at him, trying to smile to lighten the mood of the intensity of the question it felt like.
"I love you." He grinned without hesitation, but that didn't feel like that was it. Of course it wasn't. I knew he loved me. No doubt about it.
Or was there doubt? Did he love me truly? How was it so easy to lie through that pretty smile?
I smiled at him and nodded, "of course you do, darling." I got up off the ground and ran my fingers through his hair as he sat on the floor.
"How's your back, sweetheart?"
"It feels as it normally does. Why?"
"Just was curious. Would you like to walk with me in the woods? I would like the company." I tried to help him up, but he succeeded more on his own.
"Why wouldn't I? I can't let you go alone."
"I guess so. Lemme put on some shoes." I walked to my room and slipped on some socks and some lace less shoes. I pulled my hair into a ponytail.
I walked out and held his hand pulling him out the door, "Let's go." He followed with me and holding my hand. His hands was soft and warm. They fit well with mine.
He kissed my cheek, "What motivated this, lei?" I looked up at him and then looked ahead.
"A dream I had once." I released his hand and hurried as I saw a small pond. "Does this remind you of anything?"
"It's a pond, Lei." He looked confused, but I kept on.
"Do you remember the house?"
"I wasn't in your dream, Lei." He tensed and looked at the water.
"But was it?" I sat on the ground, tracing the dirt with my finger. If there was blood it's too old now to find or to see.
"I cleaned the blood off of you here." I muttered.
"It was a dream, Lei, nothing more. I promise you."
"I want to know what really happened, then." I clenched the dirt then looked at him. He walked towards me, the leaves crunching underneath his feet. He kneeled down beside me. "You're father had a psychotic break and is now in prison for life. What's to know?"
"You say it as if it's nothing. That can't be it."
"He was a violent man, lei, it just makes sense." He continued "To heal, you have to accept that this is the reality."
I sat there thinking about it. I didn't want him to be right, but even if he wasn't I couldn't change anything or help in any way. My mind felt like it was spilling out. I felt like I had lost all control of my thoughts. I held my hands on my head and tried not to stress, but I couldn't help it.
Allen's hands wrapped around mine and kissed my head, "I know it's a lot, but I'm here and whatever you are thinking about, you don't have to think about it alone. I'll always be here for you, lei."
I looked up at him with teary eyes and then collapsed into him. Small tears had fallen while he held me. "I don't want to think about any of this anymore."
He kissed the side of my head, "Just let it go and our lives can finally start. Together."
I nodded and took all of those dreams and images had been deleted. It didn't matter anymore. I just had Allen and that's the only thing that mattered to me.
He took me inside and took me to my room.
He plopped on the bed and baby mode was activated. "Gimme cuddles." I giggled and laid on him. I hid my face in his neck, kissing it lovingly. I wrapped my arms around him. I felt him move his arm to grab the tv remote and within five minutes I heard a familiar sound and sighed heavily.
"Nuuuuu, not this movie!!" He laughed then shushed me. I smiled and closed my eyes. This okay. I have Allen. And he has me. Forever.
