Drunk Texting | T. Drake ✔

[01]

I: no, Tim. No one can be trusted. Not even you.

T: ouch, that hurt.

T: I had gotten the incentive in the first sentence, Ren. Why did you have to make it so much more painful?

I: just so you'd be clear.

T: not fair.

I: honey, if you don't already know yet, life is hella unfair.

***

[ T <•> R ]

T: Dick, I'm screwed.

R: what happened, kiddo?

T: Jason is literally two seconds away from killing me.

R: hold up, I'm on my way.

***

R: who was that on the rooftop with you last night?

T: no one.

R: you sure? She looked a lot like that new vigilante in town.

T: her? No. It was just me and my internal loneliness, conferring about the horrible truths of existence.

***

T: isn't it horrible that we pay money in order to see other humans?

R: are you talking about prostitution, movies or circuses?

T: glasses.

T: I just paid for a new frame because my old one broke and I could not see properly.

R: get a life, kid.

T: sorry bro, not quite motivated for that.

***

R: the Big Bat wants you down in the cave right now.

T: seriously? He sent me to a meeting with Kord Tech. I can't be in two places at once, Dick!

R: make an excuse. Tell them you have to go to the toilet.

T: that's the lamest excuse in the book.

R: then think of something yourself, genius. And meet us in the cave as soon as you can.

***

T: why the heck is my room full of bunnies?

R: I don't know.

R: ask Damian.

T: WHY?

R: because when animals are involved, it's usually due to him.

T: yeah I guess so...

R: shall I ask him for you?

T: let it be. The bunnies aren't that bad. They can stay.

***

[ T <•> I ]

I: the Bats turned up tonight to wreak havoc again.

T: and what were you doing?

I: minding my own business?

T: is that a question?

I: no.

I: maybe.

I: go to sleep, I'll sort them out myself.

***

T: not another fucking interview!

I: what's wrong, sweetie? Looks like someone's got their knickers in a twist.

T: the press thinks I'm getting engaged.

I: ...

I: well, are you?

T: no. But the bitches won't leave me alone.

I: then think of a make believe fiance instead. Give them what they want.

T: so that Bruce can later choke me to death, no thank you.

I: it's not that big of a deal. Bruce used to do it too, y'know. Everyone knew he was not going to tie the knot with Vicki Vale but still he kept her around so that she can shut the press up.

T: but Vicki was his girlfriend... And he did end up tying the knot with Selina Kyle so I don't see why we should be taking his example.

I: ah my bad, and here I thought you had a girlfriend too but turns out I'm wrong.

T: hey, that is not funny.

I: you're 22, rich, smart and still single. How is that not funny?

T: let's just say I don't have the time for getting involved in such pleasantries.

I: let's just say you don't have the charm.

T: oh yeah? Are you challenging me?

I: meet me at the rooftop in five and I'll prove it, birdboy.

***

I: where have you been?

T: just staying down a little. Apparently I've become allergic to the sun.

I: who bit you and when?

T: are you going to kick their butts?

I: depends. I really don't have enough time. Gotta eat first.

T: take your time. No one bit me. I'm just down with flu.

***

I: you there?

T: good morning.

I: it's three fucking am, Timothy. Why are you still awake?

T: exactly. It's the devil's hour and I've gotta fulfill these stupid formalities.

T: besides you were the one who texted to see if I was up or not.

I: when are you not, by the way? Sometimes I get worried that you'll die from sleep deprivation.

T: a jug of coffee a day, keeps sleep and death away.

I: too much coffee will kill you.

T: nonsense. Coffee is my savior.

I: oh... So what am I then, you ungrateful little bitch!

T: ...

T: I'm not being ungrateful but seriously Ren I've told you multiple times that I don't need saving.

I: oh yeah? Next time I see you on the rooftop, I'll push you off myself.

T: you're welcome to try it. I've been thinking of ways to end my life anyway so that would be a great favor.

I: are you out of your mind?

T: it's three fucking am, of course I'm malfunctioning a little.

***