Serendipity 2: A Yearning Heart [On Hold]

3| Panic Room

"then why did you call me? why am i here if you knew-"

"god, kaycee! maybe because i needed a damn break. i know, i could have called nat. or maybe the guys. i really could have, but i didn't want to. i wanted you. 'cause only god knows what i would have done if you weren't here, but damn it kaycee, i wanted a fucking break. you're the only one that i can speak my thoughts to without you looking at me like i'm crazy or need to be checked into a mental hospital. nat makes me happy, yes. and i love her for that. but you keep me sane." his breathing started to get ragged and he started shaking.

"josh?" i said becoming concerned. he lowered himself to the floor, his back leaning on the wall and knees to his chest. his breathing became heavier and he looked at me with scared eyes. i immediately started to look around and search his drawers for his medication. i knew he had panic attacks, but he said they were every blue moon. i prayed i wouldn't see one of them but here we are.

i found the orange pill bottle then grabbed an unfinished water bottle off of his nightstand. i crouched down in front of him and had him take it. once he did, i felt a part of me become filled with relief. "breathe, josh. just breathe." he nodded while looking into my eyes.

"i-i'm sor-sorry, kay." he spoke in short breaths. "don't worry about that right now. i need you to breathe and look at me." i told him then starting to count and breathe with him. when a minute or so passes, his breathing calms. i sat beside him then took him into my arms, hugging him but not too tight.

he put his hands on my arms in a way to tell me he was hugging back. "do you need anything?" i asked while rubbing his back with one of my hands. he shook his head while laying down fully with his head on my lap. "i'm sorry for yelling at you." he said just above a whisper. i just let out a light sigh, not wanting to hear it.

we sat there in silence for a while, for an hour i think. but to my dismay, it wasn't comfortable. there was still tension and it was thick.

"my parents are getting a divorce." josh said, breaking the silence. it looked as if a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders. i opened my mouth but nothing came out. i didn't know what to say. it was like part of me was still in shock about moments ago. "when they told me, i didn't understand. it was weird. you'd think the older you get, the easier things are to understand but some things aren't. they just always looked so happy, but all this time.." his voice weakened as he tried to finish the sentence. he just shook his head, trying to form the words.

"they were at each other's necks and i didn't even realize. sometimes i think maybe i paid too much attention to dance instead of being in the moment with them." he breathed out. i just sat there listening. not only to his words, but just listening to how upset he was. i haven't known josh for a while, but from what i gathered from his stories and experiences, his parents were supportive and happy for their son. he shouldn't let this destroy him.

"josh, you can't blame yourself. you don't know what could have caused it. there could be a million reasons. if anything, you could've been the only light in their relationship." i reassured him while patting his arm. he smiled small then looked up at me. "you think so?" he asked.

i chuckled softly while nodding. he opened his mouth to say something, but my phone dinged, interrupting him. he grabbed it off the bed for me and i saw his smile falter. "it's sean." he scoffed while passing me the phone. i squinted my eyes at him. what was bothering him so much about sean and i's relationship?

i stood from my seat on the floor and put my phone in my pocket. "what are so pissed about?" i asked frustrated. josh sighed and laid back on his bed, his phone in his hands above him. i snatched it out of his hand and put it in the pocket of my hoodie. "give it back." he said sitting up then holding out his hand.