Fear

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There's blood. Lots of blood. And it's not his.


She's in his arms with her eyes still open and she looks at him. Kerem just keeps putting pressure in her wounded arm. He doesn't remember how it all happened. One moment they are standing and look at the armed men and the other he pulls her away from the bullets they are shooting at them.


One of them must have hit her. He wasn't fast enough to help her, to save her. And now they are hiding, with her in his lap bleeding. He's panicking. All he wants is to get out of her and get Ayse to the hospital. But at the same time he can't leave her alone. His mind is counting the possibilities of getting her out of here alive. Her not him, he doesn't care about himself right now. All that matters is her.


"Kerem..." she says. Her voice is a whisper, barely audible.


"Shh... don't talk my life. Keep your strength. I'll get you out of here ok? Just hold on a little longer." He says and he feels tears streaming down his face. He wipes them quickly. He has to hold on until she's safe, then he can break down.


"Kerem.... Just know that I love you." She says and closes her eyes.


Panic hits him hard "Ayse! Come on my love. Who told you can leave me?" The sane part of his brain takes over and he checks for her pulse. She's alive, she just fainted. Now he has to find a way out. And then he remembers his phone. But the signal is weak.


He roams the room until he finds a spot and calls Volkan. The rest is a blur.  He's in the back of an ambulance holding her uninjured hand as the paramedics work on her. He can't speak, he can't do anything other than that. It's like he's frozen. And then he's in the waiting room pacing around like a mad man while he waits for her family and his to come. 


A nurse that sees him offers to check him but he refuses. And that's when her family arrives. Melihat is crying. Riza and the rest are at her tail as she runs faster than them.


"Kerem!"She says and throws herself in his arms. "How's my daughter? Where is she?" She asks still crying.


"The doctor's are with her but they don't tell me anything yet." His voice is lowering as he sees the pain in her eyes. He rubs her arms with his hands to calm her down. The same hands that held Ayse a while ago.


"Mum, let's just sit down ok?" Nazmiye takes her away leaving Kerem alone with Riza.


"How did this happen?" Riza asks and for the first time in his life Kerem isn't afraid of his death glare.


"We were trying to find out what happened with your father. She didn't want to leave, I didn't want her to be alone and now...." A sob is leaving his throat and Kerem feels a hand on his bicep.


"She's going to be fine son. She has reasons to live." He says and smiles at Kerem.


Two hours later they are still waiting. Only now his family is there too, with Volkan, Gonca and Ceyda. He doesn't want her here, he doesn't want her touch or her words right now. He wants her gone. Kerem remembers the last time they were at the hospital. When his father was in there and Ayse was with him.  


What if this was the last time he saw her? He tries to remember the last thing he said to her but he fails. He only remembers their stupid war, the idiotic reasons he proceeded with the divorce, the same reason her life right now is at risk.


He tries to imagine a life without her and he feels empty. Flashbacks of their life together go through his mind like a movie. Their first meeting, their first out of many fights. How she made him feel even when he first saw her. And the deeper, the more meaningful moments. Their first kiss, the swan, their dates. And the hurt. He hurt her a lot. Sometimes willingly some time by mistake.


He remembers her eyes. The way she looked at him, full of love and joy. And then the last look on him after she told him she loves him. He bursts into tears. Ceyda tries to hug him but he pushes her away. His cries become stronger as he sees her sad at the court house, or when she realized the reason he came to her house at the night of her engagement.


He feels different hands around him but he runs away. He doesn't deserve their consolation. He's the reason they are here. He's the reason she's in danger. He fights them all. His dad looks at him shocked, her mother stopped praying, Volkan tried to reach him with no luck. He's crying and yelling at them. At last, Riza is the one who manages to wrap his arms around him and pin him in his spot.      


"I hurt her. You are not supposed to hurt the person you love so much. I said and done unspeakable things only to spike her. She's my whole world and I failed her." he says between his tears.


Kerem is about to fight again when the doctor walks out of the ER. Everyone freezes as they wait for him to speak.


"So I take you are the families..."


"I'm barely holding him doctor. Say it." Riza says as Kerem starts to move again.


"Your wife is fine Kerem. In fact she keeps saying your name." doctor says with a smile and walks away just in time for Kerem not to hit him as he runs to her room.


He storms in the room and he sees her. The color on her cheeks is almost back. She sees him and smiles. The sweetest smile he has ever witnessed. And then everything goes black.


When he wakes up he's lying at a bed. "Ayse!" he says and he sits up so fast that made him feeling dizzy.


"She's here son, and she's fine. Be careful, your blood pressure dropped." His father says as Kerem stands on his feet slowly. Ayse is really here and she still looks at his the way she used to. He doesn't care that everyone is here. That her 'fiancé' is at the corner of the room.


"Are you ok?" he asks still not believing it.


She cups his cheek and he tilts his head to her hand. God how much he missed that touch. "I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. And I was thinking of asking you to donate blood that was used to me...." She's joking and everyone laughs. He doesn't take his eyes off of her and he starts tearing up once again.


"Hey, hey I'm ok." She says with a soothing voice. He doesn't answer. Instead he takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Different reactions are coming from the background with the loudest from Ceyda, his mother and Omer, but they don't pay attention. "You are my miracle Ayse. Also you have permission to torture me for the rest of our life." He says after the kiss and she smile widely.  

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