Thoughts

2/6/20

My mom once told me she loved me. 

She told me to be myself to love myself how i am. But did she? She always loved me. And then she left... She left me... But not right away... slowly... the 4 months kind of slowly. And then... She left forever. I don't have much of hers anymore... Fuck... Mom i know if you were reading this you'd tell me "Watch your mouth young lady" And then i'd laugh... You'd tell me that you love me.. and that you'll always be here.. and that you'll outlive me... That your momma ain't going anywhere.... Guess you jinxed yourself huh mom? Heh... It's almost been a year... A year since you first left me.. Mom.. its coming up... And still i feel numb... I don't understand. I wish you could help me... 

I've been being bullied at school... My 6 years of fighting for a good reputation at my old school ain't helping me at all. I remember when Tera told me that if i was ever bullied she'd come to school and kick their ass. Heheh, She always got away with anything. Whenever you were shopping or sleeping we'd sneak downstairs and watch futurerama. She convinced you to get me a pet bunny. I wonder how princess is doing... I hope you're watching over her. Give her a hug for me. 

Trouble sleeping... Yep. Heck its 11pm mom and i'm still awake. I'm you're little night owl. You'd tell me to get my butt to bed and rest up cause we had a busy day the next day or whatever the reason. 

I miss singing with you, Watching tv... Cooking.. Nothing will ever be the same. But mom.. One thing that won't change is that you're my sunshine. My only sunshine.