The Professor

9: Drey

The next few weeks were a blur of police interviews and walking on eggshells. Aaliyah and I were in a weird space. We didn't say much to each other, but the the hurt and deceit was floating like a cloud over each of us.

I was forced to deal with the reality of the affair after PK called me asking if it was true that I was sleeping with her. He said the police were trying to piece information together after Aaliyah had given her account of the night's events and asked him if he was aware of the affair. He promised to keep our secret and told me if I needed anything, I could always call.

I went to class everyday trying to hold myself together. It had been a month since the stabbing, three weeks since Aaliyah had dropped everything to move to Michigan with me, and less than two since she witnessed Reneé's husband shoot her. I felt horrible for her because not only had she been through so much in such a short time, I'd also hurt her and I was the cause of some of that pain too. And I didn't know how to fix it.

John's car was found parked outside of motel in the next town over two days after he shot her. When the police arrived, they found him alone inside of a nearby room with a self-inflicted bullet wound to the head. He'd shot himself with the same gun he tried to kill Reneé with.

She was out of the hospital within a few days after the shooting. Aaliyah and I had both gone to visit her together a couple times. She apologized each time for bringing us into her mess. I had to take consolation in the fact that had Aaliyah not been there, she may have been left to die. And it was my fault that Aaliyah was there in the first place. I got us both into this.

*****

"Hey..."

"Hey."

Aaliyah stood at the bathroom sink brushing her teeth and washing her face, as I sleepily walked in the bathroom to pee. She was dressed in a pair of Nike Capri tights and a dri-fit tank. "Where you headed?" "To the gym." She dried her face as I wiped, flushed, and walk over to wash my hands. She went back into the bedroom to put on her shoes.

"Babe, can I talk to your for a second?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

I knew she was lying. Her demeanor told the whole story. I'd known this girl for nearly her whole life. She was struggling just like I was, hell probably even more but she wouldn't open up to me.

I followed her back into the room and sat on the bed.

"I contacted a therapist. I'm gonna go talk to someone. I think you should too."

"Drey, I'm fine."

"Aaliyah, you're not fine. We're not fine. And it's okay to be not fine."

"Can you just let it go?"

"I'm not gonna let it go because I love you and I want to see your smile again."

She flashed me a fake smile. "There." She grabbed her phone and AirPods off the dresser and walked around the room. I heard her grab her car keys off the hook in the kitchen and close the door.

I called my mom. I hadn't spoken to her in a few weeks and I just really needed to hear her voice.

Mama: Hello?
Me: Hey mama...
Mama: Hey baby, you don't sound good. Are you okay?
Me: Ma, I just need to talk okay. I've got a lot I need to get off my chest.
Mama: Okay...what's going on?
Me: Mama, I'm gay. And I've known since I was a kid. I liked girls all through school and the feelings just didn't go away. I tried praying it away, but that doesn't work. I know you and daddy don't support that. But it's me and it's not changing. And umm...me and Aaliyah, we have been umm...we have been dating for four years now. Since high school. She's gay too. And we're in love. She just came out to her parents and I think it's time that I do the same. I just want to be loved, mama. And some shit, I mean some stuff has gone down over the last month and I'm not okay. And Aaliyah's not okay and I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about me. But I can't deal with this on my own.
Mama: Andreyuh, I...
Me: Just listen, mama. Please, before you start. Last month, this dude attacked Aaliyah at a step show and she stabbed him and he died.
Mama: Her parents told me.
Me: I figured they did. But that's not all. I went to visit her and that's basically how they found out about us. After they left, Aaliyah dropped out of school and moved out here with me. After the incident, she was getting all this hate mail and death threats and they vandalized her car and it was just a lot. She didn't feel safe there anymore. So when I came back to Michigan, she came back with me. She didn't tell her parents. And you can't tell them either. She has to tell them on her own. But she got a campus job here and she's already applied to enroll here for the fall. So she didn't technically drop out forreal forreal. She's just taking the semester off to regroup because she's really traumatized. But I...so there's this professor and me and her started sleeping together and I knew it was wrong. But I cheated on Aaliyah with her. And Aaliyah found out, so she tried to get back at me and she slept with her too. And that's not who we are as a couple, so don't get sidetracked on that. So she's at the Professor's house and the lady is going through this nasty divorce with her husband. Dude has been harassing her like crazy and won't sign the papers. He actually came over while I was there once. But this night, Aaliyah's there and the professor's husband shows up and tries to kill her. Aaliyah witnessed the whole thing and called 911. She survived a gunshot to the stomach. But the husband committed suicide afterwards. It's just been a lot. My grades are slipping and I'm trying to stay on top, but I'm drowning. We've been through so much and I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to be judged and I didn't want you to worry but I'm tired, mama.