The Thoughts Left Behind / A Reylo Fanfiction

5: Her Own Choice

It has been a week since my force bond with Ben, but so far instead of gaining progress on this mission, it feels as if I'm taking two steps forward and three steps back. The care-takers on the Island have been very caring towards me over the past couple of days they realise why I caused so much trouble on my last visit to Ahch-to when I was training with Luke. 

The sun rises over the Island and another day begins. After a small meal, I decided to revisit the Jedi temple for the first time in the weeks I've been here. Before I wasn't ready to regain the memories and force energy of this place, but now I think the time has come, I'm ready.I begin the ascent to the top know that a hard journey lies ahead. Lukes sabre clatters against my belt, my staff in hand. 

The climb is long and strenuous and I sigh in relief as I reach the entrance of the temple. I am tired but not as tired as I was the first time I journeyed up here with Luke. As I enter the cave, it's an open centre that greets me as it echoes with the sound of dripping water. I can see the small beads of water gradually falling one by one into the small font in the middle of the cave, a single ray of light shines through a small opening illuminating the tiny crystals collaged into the basin of the font, creating specks of light all around the walls of the cave. A galaxy of beautiful light.

A small breeze brushes over my skin as my head turns to face the smooth boulder sitting patiently at the edge of a cliff attached to another entrance. I walk up the small staircase to the ledge, facing the sea. I forgot the secludedness of this place it's almost isolating. I sit down crossing my legs, feeling the cool surface of the stone against my skin. I place my hand against the surface of the roc and close my eyes. 

At first, I see the island, calm and peaceful. I see the cold grey cliffs by the water's edge, constantly hit by a neverending force of waves, I see the sun shining over the lush green pasture of the island like a green lake. I bask in the serenity and calmness the force pour over my thoughts like floating in a pool of warm water. Safe and secure. Suddenly I hear a piercing roar as I see myself cowing in the corner of my AT-AT on Jakku, cowering from a ferocious sand storm, not even able to hear my screams over the shrieking winds. I am cold and alone. Trapped, my breath sharpens. The force is trying to show me something. 

My mind begins to wander through the storm the tiny grains of sand piercing my skin like a thousand bullets. Suddenly the storm calms and I am left at the mouth of a dark cave. I succumb to the call and begin to wander into the darkness and despite my goosebumps, I am not scared. Until I see them. Two skeletons lie in the sand inside the darkness of the cave daggers trapped in between their bones. 

"Your parents were nobody, filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money." 

Ben's voice echoes in my head and I let out a cry.

"No! No, they weren't!!"

 I leave the trance and am brought back to the island. I kneel at the side of the boulder, gripping its edges breathing heavily, tears streaming down my face. Behind me, the galaxy of light fades as the single ray of light fades away as dark clouds cover the sky. Rain begins to fall in heavy drops but I stay holding onto the rock crying in agony as the rain falls around me. The gradual drips of water turn into a stream causing the basin to overflow at the edges.

I sit drenched in the rain, trying to understand what and why the force showed what it showed me. But I collapse onto the wet ground cover in a blanket of sadness and emotion. I can't hold onto anything anymore but to cry in this grey serenity of sadness.

.

.

.

I sit in the throne room, reading over papers and ship logs in what seems to be a neverending amount of boredom. I send a guard over to take the papers away.

"Everybody out. OUT I SAID!"

The remaining guards scurry out of the room and I am left with my thoughts. I need to see her I feel her distress. I close my eyes and reach out to her as much as I can through the force until the sound of rain enters my ears. I open my eyes and see her sitting in the corner of a cave by a small fire, soaked and shivering. Terror still bleeds from her eyes.

"Of course this has to happen now." 

She says through sobs.

"I needed to see you."

"God."

She cups her head in her hand, massaging her temples with her thumb and fingers whilst a studdered sigh escapes her pale lips as she shuffles closer to the warm flames. 

"I just... just want to have everything figured out for once. I live every day not even knowing myself self let alone everyone around me says they do. I just can't do it anymore, I'm tired."

"I understand. I felt... trapped like that once."

Her gaze lifts to meet my eyes, her figure glows again the golden flames.

"You do?"

I sit up and bend down next her. At first, she is hesitant but she lets me take her hand in mine. So small, so delicate yet they hold the most powerful energy in the galaxy. I slowly raise her to her feet my hand cups her chin, tilting her face to meet with mine. 

"I'm right here."

I wrap my arms around her and we stand here in the dim light of the fire holding each other for a while.

I whisper in her ear.

"I trust you Rey."

She jolts upright her body becoming stiff and rigid. She isn't cold anymore the goosbumps on her skin contracting.

"I just still cant find what I'm looking for."

"Rey cant you see, I'm right here infront of you. I've been here all this time."

She looks away a  wave of denial swooping over her face like a dark cloud blocking out the sun.

"I'm sorry... Ben. I cant live with the fact that everybody seems to know me when I cant come to terms with myself on my own. I get that you think that your the missing piece to my life but I cant accept that."

"Rey. I can keep doing this if you wont come to terms that you dont have to look anymore. Not for anyone nor anything, ever."

"Ben."

"Goodybye Rey."

I stroke her soft cheek and let myself disconnect from the force bond. I sit back into the throne in disapointment. She has to make her own choice and until she does I'll leave her be.

Just let it be. Let her be.