The Bodyguard // h.s (Hariana)

31// too much damage

Ariana Grande

"Ariana!" Patrick walks up to me and gives me a hug. I barely feel it, only staring at Harry, who has a look of betrayal on his face. "I was going to ask you to dinner, but maybe another night?"

"Yeah. I'll message you." He nods, waving goodbye.

"You good?" Chase asks me, noticing how unsteady I seem. Harry is still standing where he was, as if paralyzed. I don't bother to reply, already walking towards my boyfriend.

"Hey." My voice is quiet. "Can we talk outside?" He lets me pull him out to the wet weather. We stand under a roofed area to fight off the rain.

"So you and Patrick are friends again now." I sense the bubbling anger in his tone.

"I was going to tell you, I swear-"

"Let me guess, you were trying to protect me? You didn't want me to be upset?"

"Yes." The loud rain forces me to speak louder than usual. Our volume makes it seem like we have no choice but to fight.

"Bull." He spits in my face.

"Excuse me?"

"You were protecting no one but yourself, Ariana. You didn't want to feel guilty because you were with your ex when my father was at home, dying, or dead!" Harry slams his hand against the pillar.

"That's not fair!"

"Why? Why the hell were you with him?"

"He came up to me. He wanted to apologize and explain-We didn't talk for that long. I didn't think that your dad was in trouble, Harry. If I had known, if I had fucking known, I would've done anything to save him."

"That's not all." He growls. "You lied to me, again." Tears blur my vision when his voice cracks at that last word. "I came to fix this. I came because it was wrong for me to be jealous over a guy who clearly means nothing to you but a friend. But Patrick is a whole other story, isn't he?"

"Patrick and I are nothing." I hate how quiet I am.

"So if I told you to stop seeing him, you would?" I shake my head.

"No, you can't tell me who I can and can't see. Patrick is my friend too. Just like Chase. But I'm with you, I choose to be with you. I know I lied, I'm so sorry I did. Maybe it was to protect myself, but I was scared, okay? I didn't want you to react the way that you are now!"

I could tell that this argument was the kind that usually lasted for days. I decide to cut it short.

"You're just going to have to trust me, Harry." I touch his face. "Please." He closes his eyes. "I'll never lie to you again. I swear."

"I need time."

"You took time-"

"And now I need more." I bite hard on my lip. "If we're going to be together, I need time to adjust to the new piece of information I got today." The last two days have been hell for me. I don't want to go through it again. "Maybe this break is what we need. "

"What if I say no? I already know what I need, Harry. And it's not a break." He looks down.

"I need it." He says breathlessly. And I need you. "I'm not in a good place right now."

"Then we'll get through it together! Would you look at me?" See me. Please, see me. "You have to forgive me-"

"I can't! Every time-" He seethes his teeth, "every time I look at you, I see all the possibilities. You realizing that I'm not from your world and going to Chase. You forgiving Patrick, and realizing that you still want to be with him. And worst of all, I see what could have been. If you had found him in time. 10 minutes, 5 minutes, it could have made all the difference." Little does he know, I've been wondering the same thing, every day. Would he be alive if not for me? What if I didn't let my weak heart sit down with Patrick to hear what he had to say.

"Stop. Just stop." I cover my ears. He sees the tears running down my face. And he knows he went too far. Too deep. "You're angry. You're saying things out of spite." I take a deep breath, bringing myself back to a more logical head space. "I'm only going to ask you once, Harry." Please don't break my heart. "Is one mistake really going to be the end of us?"

One second. Two seconds.

He doesn't say no.

The look on his face says it all.

"I should go." He shakes me off. "I'm sorry." He starts to walk away, and I don't think I can bare it. I grab the edge of this sleeve, tugging.

"Never beg anyone to stay. They should want to, on their own." My uncle had taught me when I first started to make friends in school. When they thought I was weird for getting dropped off in a limo and picked up right when the bell rang. "You're exceptional. Don't settle."

But this is different. This is Harry. There is too much space between us. I have to stop him. I have to.

Screw logic.

"I love you."

It comes out so fast that it catches him off guard.

"I'm in love with you." I repeat slower this time.

He pulls free from my grasp. His back is facing me, so I can't see his reaction. "There's no one else for me. Chase and Patrick, they don't come close."

He turns, giving me hope. So I keep talking.

"I think you love me too. Maybe that's why it hurts right now. But we can get through this, I promise-" Harry shoves a hand over my mouth. I stare into his eyes but nothing. I see nothing.

His face crumples, like I had just said something horrible to him. "Don't you ever promise me a damn thing. I can't even look at you right now." The disgust in his tone is so loud that I feel it in my bones.

I pictured myself saying I love you to him a thousand times. Every time, I imagined what his reaction would be. I thought of the worst responses, preparing myself for the worst case scenario.

Those were nothing, compared to his actual reaction.

He pulls his hand back, tear-stained from my eyes, and walks past me like I'm invisible. It knocks the air from my lungs.

I can't move, or breathe, or feel anything. As employees walk past me to get to the door, they offer a wave and smile. I have no choice but to smile back, even though I feel like a part of me just died inside.

He had kept me from losing myself: fought for me, cried for me, fell down a mountain for me.

And I really thought that he had fallen in love with me too.

Maybe not.

Chase comes down eventually, finding me in the same spot. He immediately recognizes that something is wrong. "Hey."

"You asked me how I make it look so easy." I hold back my sob, though body trembling. "It's because every move I have ever made has been calculated and thought out. It's all fake. Fake smiles, fake laughs, fake pretending to like the shitty other people that I have to work with. That's how I've been able to survive in this industry."

"Ariana-" I keep talking, barely recognizing the sound of my own voice as I began to break down.

"But I didn't fake anything since I met him. I was genuinely happy. And now I've lost him." Chase pulls me into his chest.

Although I feel warmer, he is not the comfort that I wanted.

It's scary to think that I may never feel that comfort again.

///