Her Heart's Desire

Found

"What?" The color on Katarina's face and the warmth of her body simultaneously drained as she stared into the beautiful, cold, blue eyes of her mate. There must be some kind of explanation for this, she thought. Right. This must be some kind of nightmare and perhaps she could force herself to wake so this would be all over. 

Katarina stayed rooted on her spot, her gaze kept steady on Jacob's face as if she was just seeing home for the first time in a long, long time. Any second now, she believed, Jacob would break into a run and envelope her in a warm embrace. He would tell her it was all a joke and that he had waited for her all these years to come. But Jacob's expression remained firm and his mouth still pressed into a grim line. "What do you mean your heart has chosen another, Jacob? Is this some kind of joke? Because I'm telling you right now it isn't the least bit funny." Katarina's voice was shaky and almost cracked before she had finished speaking. Her eyes glimmered with tears and she felt as if the whole world was about to crumble beneath her feet. 

Jacob took a deep breath to keep the frustration from building up inside him. He didn't want to say anything that might end up hurting Katarina. He didn't want to say words he didn't mean. But being cruel at this moment was just so tempting and easy. "I love you, Kat. Believe me. I do. It's just... not in the way you or the Moon Goddess want me to." He spoke so calmly as if he wasn't in the process of rejecting his mate. "I would've chosen you, Kat. I would have... I would have if I had the choice."

All those years Katarina had never strayed, never did anything to betray her mate or abandoned hope that she would find him. Was there something more she could have done? Silent tears flowed down her face as she sank to her knees. She sobbed into her hands causing her breath to come out ragged. 

The brunette had varied imaginings of this day but how it actually played out had never been of them. She had saved herself for him. She had hoped to find him one day and finally, become happy once again. But this was far from what she had expected. Her heart sank deeper and came with it, anger.

Jacob looked at Katarina for a few seconds with his arms crossed over his chest. His jaws were set hard and his face was scrunched up in pain as if he, too, was experiencing what his mate was going through. This wasn't how he imagined things would go. He wanted to talk with her properly so they could part ways without any hard feelings. "I know you are hurting right now and I'm sorry for causing it. But..."

Jacob straightened his back then looked down at Katarina's small form slumped on the ground. There was something inside him that was telling him to approach her and take her in his arms. Something that was telling him that he was making a terrible mistake. If only he would listen to that something that was holding him back but he was too stubborn to do that. "By the light of the Moon Goddess that guide us all... I, Jacob Reynolds, reject the sacred mate bond bestowed upon me and Katarina Kingsley."

The words Jacob had uttered made the brunette's head snap up to his direction. "How could you?" Every word he had said was like a knife driven through Katarina's body. Her eyes began to narrow at him. Those beautiful green eyes rigid, cold, hard. She drew in a deep breath as she clutched the spot in her chest where her heart was supposed to be in. 'How could you?' She said it again in her head. He rejected her without batting an eye.

Jacob paid no mind to her question, he just turned his back on her then said, "Hurry back. Everyone's been looking for you." He shifted to his wolf then disappeared in the night as swiftly as he came.

Katarina was left all alone once again. She slumped back on the dirt just as the tears began bursting forth like water from a dam. Her chin trembled like a terrified child and she had to curl up like a ball as if to somehow protect herself. The sound of her sobs was the only thing she could hear. She wept her eyes and her heart out for who knows how long.

It was perhaps hours before she finally mustered the strength to wipe her tears away and stand up. 'A Kingsley never crumbles,' the rejection took something out of Katarina. It left a void that she now desperately needed to fill. What else could she fill it with but the next closest emotion that was fighting to reign over her heart? Anger. Pure, boiling, blue-flamed, anger.

When Katarina decided to finally head back, she didn't shift into her wolf but remained human, wearing the shirt Jacob had tossed her earlier. Leaves and branches crunched beneath her feet as she made her way back home. "Home?" She scoffed out loud as she continued walking. Her feet hurt, probably bleeding, but nothing beats the pain that was tearing her inside, breaking her apart.   

Loud music and chatter soon reached her ears. Katarina was now near the pack grounds. They sounded lively and that breaks her a little more inside. She went the long way back so she didn't have to face anyone before she was ready. She climbed up the walls of the pack house to the old room she had used after the incident a few years back. Certainly enough, her things were there on the bed. 

Katarina went straight to the bathroom before stripping all her clothes off. She stood under the shower, turning the knob to the coldest possible setting. She hoped the cold water would numb her body, her mind and her heart. Maybe it could help stop the fire that was threatening to consume her and destroy everything she had hoped to have all those years alone. 

She pressed her head against the wall as her whole body, once again, trembled. She can't stop. Katarina can't stop no matter how hard she tried. Why were there still tears falling down from her eyes? The pain came in waves, long moments of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths. Her hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against her grief.

Katarina was terribly mistaken when she thought nothing could get worse in her life. Nothing was going to get better. Nothing could help ease the pain she was feeling aside from her accepting the reality that was brought upon her. No family. No mate. Nothing else awaited her in the future. It was just blank. 

The brunette stayed under the cold spray of water until she heard a soft knock on the door. She need not hear the voice of the person as the presence felt familiar to her. It was her cousin, Keira, telling her to come out soon as everyone had been waiting. Katarina managed a brief, "Alright," which she supposed satisfied Keira enough that the girl left her alone. 

Katarina walked out of the bathroom dripping wet. Her eyes weren't red but they were swollen, dead and still. "How far am I still to fall?" She asked out loud to herself. She picked her bag up then held it upside down, spilling all of its contents on the bed. There was nothing decent for her to wear.

'But is there really a proper attire for such an occasion?' She asked herself bitterly as she stared at the clothes she had scattered. She was close to giving up on finding an article of proper clothing when she decided to open up the closet in her room.

To her surprise, the closet still held the clothes she had from before she left. She was so ready to make a trip down memory lane when a small box at the foot of it caught her attention. Katarina took the said box then sat on the bed placing the box on her lap. She had a wild guess about its contents and she held her breath as she opened it. There she found a white dress that she clearly remembered belonged to her mother.

'A dress fit for the occasion,' she thought to herself as she carefully lifted it up to inspect.