Despite It All

Chapter 4

"Well, until you know for sure, there's no use in allowing the possibility of him being a cheater weigh you down. It sounds like you'll be seeing him around—Hey! Enough with the fries! Get your own you greedy bitch!—so use some context clues to draw your own conclusions. Or if he seeks the chance to explain himself, let him. Not because he deserves it—but because you deserve closure and an explanation."

I begrudgingly take a bite of my salad, nodding. I allow her words to sink in, settling into my psyche. She's right. I don't know the truth just yet.

"And if he is a cheater, know that it isn't your fault. You couldn't have known."

I picture Ashley, the beautiful brunette with deep, brown eyes laden with devastation. Her daughter has cancer and hypothetically, her significant other is cheating on her. My heart aches for this woman I do not know—a woman I wish I didn't have to know. An uneasy feeling settles into my stomach, and I'm betting it isn't the salad.

"Anyway, how's Mark?"

"He's sweet. We are meeting up for drinks in a few days. He touches base here and there. I just don't... I don't know. I don't miss him when he's not around, you know?"

A small, soft smile graces Sami's face. "It's brand new, babe. I think that's normal. It'd be odd if you were desperately yearning for him so soon."

"What's better, a slow burn or a rapid and ravaging romance?"

Sami chuckles. "Would it be too Goldilocks of me to say something in the middle?"

No, I don't think it would—because I happen to agree.

***

I finish pulling up my dark blue fuzzy socks, preparing for a lazy night in after lunch with Sami. I only have one more day off before I have to go back to work, and I fully intend on relaxing. I have been in full blown distraction mode for the last few days, and I don't think I can scrub my bathroom any harder or go for any more runs tomorrow. I need to recharge physically and emotionally before I can return to work and face reality.

I settle into my dark gray couch, armed with chocolate chip cookie dough, water, and my cell phone. The Great British Baking Show begins its introduction, and I smile with content. Few things relax me more than watching others stress out over baked goods. If only that were my biggest problem.

"Come on. You seriously think 20 minutes will be enough time for that bread to prove? Wait, are you even going to use the proving drawer? Ugh. You are going to regret that."

In case the chocolate chip cookie dough weren't enough of a clue, I've never baked a thing in my life that didn't come straight from a box. I guess six seasons of dedicated watching has made me some sort of couch expert, now.

What is my life?

My phone vibrates, distracting me from contemplating my existence.

Logan: Hey. I'm sorry, but I have to talk to you. I've gotta see you. Please.

My heart stops. It feels like someone is sitting on my chest, and not in that fun, kinky way I like. I read and reread the text four times. What do I do?

I can't respond. I can't let myself go down this path.

Sami's words replay in my head, "...if he seeks the chance to explain himself, let him. Not because he deserves it—but because you deserve closure and an explanation."

A breath. I close my eyes, allowing her words to sink in. She's right, I deserve to know. I'm just afraid that after I know, I'll wish I didn't. With a racing heart and trembling fingers, I type my response.

Lauren: I might regret this, but okay.

His response is quick, prefaced by three blue dots on my screen. Each pulse of the dots aligns with my thumping heart.

Dot. Beat. Dot. Beat beat.

Logan: Can we grab coffee tomorrow? I just need to see you. To talk to you. Explain.

I exhale, resigned. I guess I'm doing this.

***

A/N:

Thoughts? Is she setting herself up for failure by meeting with Logan? Or is Sami right?

What could Logan's explanation be? Predictions?

Yes, I have seen every episode of The Great British Baking Show and I haven't baked since 2011. What's your favorite guilty pleasure show?

As always, thanks for reading! Appreciate you.

If you enjoyed this chapter, vote for it by clicking that tiny star at the bottom of the screen. I appreciate it!

—Elise