the beach | noel miller

vii

January

With Cody getting ready, Noel doing whatever the fuck Noel does and Rose debating whether to make plans with her friends she decides against it. She just isn't in the mood. She can feel her sleepless nights starting to creep on her like tidal wave and she knows she's about to crash. Rose has a habit of not sleeping much, maybe it's insomnia or maybe it's because her brain won't shut up. Rose already made a plan of just crashing a motel tonight, part of her thinks having alone time will shut every bad thing she is feeling, up but she also knows it won. But denial just feels so good.

With her thoughts making her head pound Rose decides to go on walk, to clear her head. By walk she means going to sit at the pier and contemplate life, suicidally or not.

On her way out Noel grabs her attention, he sits idly staring at his computer screen in the middle of editing a video. She notices how tense his shoulders look, how his leg bounces and out of focus he seems. She doesn't even register the question she asks before it's out of her mouth. The "you okay?" sounded so bitter on her tongue. He suddenly snaps himself into focus looking a little shocked, he looks at Rose "just need to get this video done" thinking his excuse is brilliant, he focuses his gaze back on the computer screen. Rose wants to just walk out the door and say nothing but she knows a borderline anxiety attack when she sees one. The good side argues that she should offer him to come for a walk while the Rose side of her quips back with thats the last thing they'd both want.

Sighing Rose walks closer snapping the computer screen down, she knows from years of watching Cody edit that whatever he was working on would save. Before Noel could even react she mutters out a "get up" and walks towards the back door. She wonders why the fuck shes helping him, not wanting to come to the realisation that she feels the need to repay him for todays efforts at lunch. She stands and watches his feet move towards her but face stoic, she thinks that he probably wants to kill her but he needs to get in line.

He follows in track as they walk in silence. Noel can't even be mad, he knew he needed a break, the feeling of his heart pounding he was aware of what happened next. Noel would of had an anxiety attack if it wasn't for Rose slamming his computer shut, not knowing why the fuck she did it for, he was grateful for it. Wanting to ask why she did what she did, he silently agrees with himself that not opening his mouth would be the best option. Noel puts it together they were going to the beach. They. Weird when you think about it. He unintentionally stares at her, watching how even her walk is deadly. Eyebrows furrowed, cheekbones sharp, face stuck in a permanent "I could kill you" look, he appreciates how beautiful she is.

Rose speaks up, breaking the silence "So you have anxiety?" She watches as Noel looks bewildered, like she's just offered her kidney to him or something. "Uh yeah sometimes" is all he gives back, part of her wants to inquire more the other half just doesn't give a fuck. She has anxiety too. The whole fucking world has it, so why is she helping him like he's some sick puppy. Rose wouldn't even help a sick puppy. "Do you?" he questions, eyes trained on her awaiting a reply, but she just chuckles and keeps walking. Noel has never been this confused by a person before. She's cold one minute, luke warm the next. "Where are we even going" he questions, knowing that if he continues the mental health talk, he'll get a talon to the eye. "There's no we, I told you to get up, not follow me" she replies looking serious yet somehow he can tell shes joking. "That pier over there" she adds, Noel looks in the distance seeing a small pier that makes him double check he has a tetanus shot.

Finally reaching her destination, Rose feels a small amount of regret, bringing the guy she sometimes wants to kill to her place. Of course he doesn't know that its her place but she does, and that's enough for her. Pushing that feeling aside she doesn't really know what to do now but sit. Mixed feelings arise as she thinks back to that night last winter. Noel notices her breathing quicken, trying to crack a joke as he sits down besides her"you got bad memories here or something?" replying in a heartbeat "yeah I tried to kill myself." just slides out of her mouth. He snaps his head, looking for a sign of deadpanning or a joke, he doesn't find any. Instead he finds her just looking at the ocean. Rose debates if she should add a im joking for legal reasons but she just doesn't want to. She never told anything that before, and sure as hell doesn't know why shes telling her brothers best friend. "I knew that I probably wouldn't die, im a good swimmer I just liked the feeling of knowing there was a chance I wouldn't make it to the shore." she continues, telling this stranger her darkest secret.

Noel doesn't know what to say or react. He knows that telling her "im sorry" wont do shit so he opts for agreement. "I know what its like" seeing her look back at him he stops for a moment, "I-uh, I mean to feel the adrenaline of knowing theres a chance you wont come home that night." Rose secretly finds comfort in his reply. Noel takes notices of the feeling that he doesn't need to explain or comfort her. It's like they silently communicate, knowing that they dont have to talk to know that they are there for each other. They dont even know each other yet he knows they'd both be willing to pull each other up, call each other out on their shit and sometimes help one another. He knows that she feels the same, maybe by the way she looks at him, or the way she shows emotions through the petty comments.

He looks at her, sighing he speaking up once again.

"Who's gonna crash harder, Rose. Those waves or us?"

an: hi! so i know it seems from that last paragraph that you've skipped a whole book but dont worry you haven't, I want to push the point of them knowing they have some magnet pull towards each other obvious. It'll all be explained in good time, so no need to worry that their will be a love confession next chapter because this is gonna be a slow burn.