Bright, Shining Light

Chapter 17

 

The next week passed quickly. After their eventful excursion at Meridian Hill Park, Spencer had taken Nora for a quick bite to eat before surprising her with a twilight tour of the Nation's capital to celebrate her new job. Neither one decided to talk about their almost-kiss, instead they laughed and talked like it didn't happen.
  The next day was Monday. It was her first day of training for her new job and Spencer headed into the office to immediately discover that they had a new case in California. He texted Nora, letting her know that he needed to leave town again and to call him or Garcia if she needed anything. He reminded her to keep her cell phone and Lancelot with her at all times. Although she appreciated how important his job was, not even being able to say goodbye to him before he left saddened her.
It's probably for the best. She reminded herself, replaying their dance in the park over in her head like a movie.
He had been so close. So close. The hardest part was how there was no possibility of denying to herself that she had adored it. She craved his lips, his touch, his scent. It was for the best that she hadn't had the chance to hug him goodbye. He could never be hers. She had seen that same desire in his eyes, and it terrified her.
I cannot let him settle for me. He deserves a woman who is just as perfect as he is.

***

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. - Marcel Proust
Nora smiled as she read Spencer's most recent text.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Penelope asked her as they sat in her office at the Bureau. It had been a little over two weeks since her and Spencer's almost-kiss in the park. He was currently away on yet another case, and due back any time. She had decided to wait for him and visit her friend.
"Talk about what?" Nora asked innocently, peeking her gaze up over Penelope's copy of Technical Analysis for Dummies.
"Don't be coy with me, Little Miss." Penelope said stubbornly. "I know that you and Boy Wonder have a special connection brewing. You're living under the same roof, you have a history, and I can see with my own two genius eyes that you're both holding back from something. Spill it, missy." She said, taking a drink of her tea.
  Nora sighed. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she needed to confide in someone.
"There is nothing but friendship between us and there never will be. No matter what stupid emotions I'm feeling."
  She laid the book down in her lap, conceding to Penelope's questions.
"But, why? Why deny yourselves a happy ending?" She asked.
"There is no ending, happy or otherwise. You don't understand." Nora said, rubbing her arms uncomfortably.
"Okay. Then help me to understand." Her friend replied softly.
"There is no end. Mike is still out there, and it's only a matter of time before he shows his face. Not only that but I..." She trailed off.
  Spencer halted just outside of the open door of Garcia's office, lowering the flowers he held in his hand. He'd heard the conversation between the women, and although he knew it was wrong to eavesdrop he couldn't help but wonder what she had to say.
"What? You can tell me, okay? I'm a safe space. I run a support group on the weekends, I totally won't judge you... okay? And my lips are sealed." Penelope assured.
  Nora took a deep breath, knowing that she had to come clean. If nothing else, for her own peace of mind.
"I-I'm damaged. And Spencer... oh god, Spencer is perfect. He's brilliant and adorable beyond belief."
"You're also brilliant, and adorable beyond belief." Penelope smiled. "What's the problem?"
  Nora swallowed nervously.
"I may be smart, but Spencer is a gift. He is a gift to this world from whatever higher power is out there. He deserves a woman just as perfect as he is. Someone he doesn't have to be ashamed of."
"Ashamed? How could anyone be ashamed of you? Especially Reid. He adores you." Her friend's eyes softened as she spoke.
"I know you saw the crime scene photos." She stated, and Penelope's face turned serious. "You saw my scars. I can't wear a tee shirt outside on a summer day without scaring people. Without scaring myself. I am damaged in a way that I can't run away from. The words my step father branded me with are violent and ugly... and true."
"They're not true, sweet girl-"
"Yes they are." Nora argued, tears filling her eyes. "I am weak, I am stupid, I did lie, I did steal and I am worthless. And... and I am a murderer." She finished, barely choking back a sob.
Spencer resisted the urge to run in to the room and console her. She needed to work through this, and maybe this was part of the process.
"What? No! You didn't murder anyone." Penelope pointed out.
"My mother died in a car accident that was my fault." She all but shouted. Penelope froze as the small woman continued. "I insisted that she take me to a meeting with my counselor at Stanford to get the referral letter to Juilliard. It was raining hard and she wanted me to reschedule, but I insisted. We were arguing that night... the last thing I said to her was that she valued Brian over my education. Then the accident happened, and I never saw her alive again."
The tears were flowing out of both their eyes now. Spencer, who was still listening outside the door, had tears in his own eyes as well.
"Nora, the accident wasn't your fault. The report said-"
"I know what the reports said. I spent my entire year at Juilliard going over the case. It was a hit and run, and the driver was never found. That doesn't change the fact that my mom and I wouldn't have been on that road at that time if I had just listened to her. It's my fault that she is dead. Just like it's my fault that my father is dead."
"You were all on the way to your concert at the local high school when the accident happened that took your father." Penelope observed. "That still isn't your fault."
"Of course it is! If I weren't here, both of them still would be. Because of me, they were both on the road at the wrong time and both of them died. How is it not my fault?!" She exclaimed.
Penelope and Nora held tearful eye contact for a moment before she dissolved into tears. Penelope crossed the room and placed a tentative arm around her shoulders. After a few moments, Penelope tried again.
"What does this have to do with Reid? Your parents died tragically, but now you have real chance at a future with someone that obviously means a lot to you. And vice versa. He's a good man. Your scars won't matter to him."
"You don't see it?" Nora asked. Penelope shook her head. "Everyone I care about dies. I couldn't live with myself if Spencer dies too. I have a job, I'm going to pay my debts to him, then I'm going to go away. I'm going to go far away. He's safer that way."
"Oh, Nora no. Spencer is a highly capable agent. He faces life and death on an almost weekly basis. And he hardly ever gets behind the wheel of a car, if that makes you feel any better. He is safe."
"Yeah? Well, I'm not in a position to risk that." She stated.
There was a moment of silence, and Penelope reached down to grasp Nora's hand in hers as she wept.
Outside the door, Spencer collected himself. He dabbed at his eyes, took a deep breath, and knocked on the open door.
"Hey!" He called, faking an enthusiastic tone. "We're back!"
Nora sat straight, wiping at her own eyes as he entered the room. She looked up at Spencer, regarding him as if he was the first breath of oxygen when she'd previously been drowning.
"Hey!" She said weakly, pushing herself to a stand. "You're home."
"Yeah, just got in. Uh, these are for you." He offered the flowers to Nora hesitantly.
"Wow, you didn't have to do that." She murmured, taking a deep breath of the roses she now held.
"I wanted to. I know you like orange ones the best." He smiled.
"I do. They're beautiful. Thank you." She smiled up at him before turning to Penelope sheepishly.
"Thanks for letting me hang with you. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Sure thing, little Nugget. Thanks for coming to visit me."
"Do you need anything before we leave Garcia?" Spencer asked courteously.
"No! I've got this. You two get this sweet boy home safely." Penelope replied, planting a kiss on Lancelot's head.
"Okay. Get some rest." He told her as he placed a hand on Nora's back and led her out of Garcia's office.
  They walked quietly to the metro, and the ride was spent in relative silence as well. It wasn't until they got off the metro and started to head home that Nora broke the silence.
"How was the case?"
"It was... interesting."
"Did you see any tornadoes?" She asked, half worried and half curious.
"Well... yeah actually. A big one. It was a pretty close call."
"Wow. Was anybody hurt?"
Spencer hesitated for a moment before answering.
"Just the modern day Dr. Frankenstein we had as our unsub. He couldn't let his experiment go, so I guess he decided to let it consume him."
"He- he let the storm...?"
Spencer nodded, eyes grazing over her as if to see how she was handling this information.
"What kind of experiment was he doing that involved tornadoes?"
"Do you really want to know?" He asked, and she nodded. "It was a pretty gruesome case that involved a man creating a human replica using dismembered body parts of his vict-"
"Okay, okay... I'll settle for the PG version for tonight. I don't need anymore nightmares." She laughed dryly.
"Have you had more?" He asked and she nodded.
"They're worse when you're not home. I think my subconscious rests better knowing you're just a couple walls away. Lancelot has proven himself invaluable though. He's amazing."
Spencer nodded, deciding to change the subject.
"I heard you visited Henry in the hospital. That was really sweet of you." He smiled down at her.
"Oh! I meant to say something about that. I hope it's alright that I did that. I figured a strawberry rhubarb pie and some cuddles with Lancelot would cheer him up."
"JJ said he couldn't stop talking about Lancelot. He's been begging her and Will for a dog ever since you left."
"Oh, no!" She laughed. "I guess I didn't think about that."
"It's okay. They really appreciated you being there. It was a scary time for them and when JJ couldn't get out of Kansas due to the weather she was understandably upset. Hearing Henry sound so upbeat in the phone really cheered her up."
"That's good, I'm so glad." Nora smiled. After a moment she added, "Will seems really nice. He's from the south, right?"
"Louisiana. JJ met him on a case there a few years back."
"I see. That explains his name... William LaMontagne Jr. That definitely has a southern ring to it. Did JJ not take his last name when they married?"
"Oh, they're not married."
"I had no idea. I think I referred to him as her husband while I was visiting."
"I'm sure it's fine. In fact, I'm almost positive that they'd be married by now if Will had his way."

***

  The summer was passing quickly. For both Spencer and Nora it was passing too quickly. When they weren't working, they spent almost every moment of their free time with one another. Spencer took her sightseeing all around Washington DC, including places that weren't overwhelmed by tourists. They had dinners with members of his team, and she had even impressed Rossi with her gnocchi recipe. Lancelot was a regular favorite in JJ's household as well as in the company of Penelope. Emily turned out to be one hell of a shopping partner for Nora.
On one hot midsummer day, Emily and Nora were enjoying one of their shopping days following a brunch that included mimosas. They were walking down the sidewalk when Emily pointed out a boutique with cute dresses in the window.
"Do you mind if we run in there? I actually might buy something this time." She asked.
"Whatever you like." Nora replied. "What are you looking for?"
"A new dress. I feel like I've worn most of the ones in my closet out. It's time for a little 'out with the old, in with the new'. Well, at least the 'in with the new' part."
Nora giggled as they made their way into the shop. They looked around for a bit, and Emily had a nice stack of clothes to try on. As they were waiting for an employee to unlock a dressing room, she eyed a dress on a nearby mannequin curiously.
"Hey, Nora. What do you think of this one?" She asked.
Nora looked at the dress, puzzled. It was beautiful. The neckline of the wine colored, knee-length garment plunged suggestively. The sleeves were long and flowing, and the top was embroidered delicately. It didn't look anything like the rest of the clothes that Nora had seen Emily take interest in.
"It's... beautiful. You would wear something like this?" She asked the woman who was becoming one of her dearest friends.
"Well, it's not really my style. I was thinking for you."
"Me?! Oh, I could never wear something like this."
The fitting room attendant smiled at them as she left them to try on their clothes.
"Why not? I think it would look amazing on you."
"I just... I don't normally show that much skin." Nora was becoming uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was going.
"I know. You're the only person alive I think who wears long pants and long sleeved shirts in the middle of summer." Emily pointed out with an arched brow.
"I-I know." Nora agreed. She wanted to explain further, but didn't know how to.
Sensing the way she was beginning to close herself off, Emily placed a hand on Nora's shoulder.
"I know why you don't want to wear anything revealing. I was there after they pulled you out of that house, you don't have to explain anything to me. But look. The skirt is at least knee length, and the sleeves are long. It shows some skin, but it's tasteful. And it's got that whole renaissance feel to it that you're in to."
Nora looked at the woman with a mixture of gratitude and hesitation. She then looked at the dress, holding one of the sleeves out to examine it.
"Just try it on? It's only you and I here. If you don't feel comfortable wearing it then we leave it behind. If you love it, I'm buying."
"Oh no, Emily you don't have to buy me anything. I have a job now, remember."
"I know. I want to get it for you. Think of it as a birthday gift."
"My birthday isn't for another two months." She pointed out. "I don't even have anywhere I would wear it."
"Rossi has been known to throw a fancy dinner party from time to time, and think of it as an early gift then. Come on, you go first then I'll try on mine."
With a sigh of resignation, Nora commanded Lancelot to stay and took the dress from the triumphant looking Emily. A few minutes later she emerged, looking shyly happy.
"You love it, don't you?" Emily asked, excited.
"I do." Nora nodded. "Except..."
"Except what? It's perfect!"
"It rides up when I sit down." She said quietly. "If I'm not careful, it will show."
Emily looked sad for a moment before perking back up and rising to a stand.
"You're getting it. I have a solution, which we will get to after I figure out which one... or two of these dresses I'm getting."
"Okay. You win this time, Emily Prentiss." She joked, and Emily smiled to herself as the young woman once again closed the dressing room door.

Hi! I am trying to make the chapters longer... I realized that I'm already 17 chapters in and I still have a lot to cover before I'm done with Spencer and Nora's story. Hope you're enjoying it, and again please tell me your thoughts. Is anyone keeping up with the 15th and final season of CM? The teaser for next week's episode looks amazing and I can NOT wait! Come on, Wednesday night!