Only Human Twilight

11

Rosalie shrugged. "If it were possible, maybe. But if I were in Bella's situation, I don't think I would. I wouldn't change any of the circumstances that led to me meeting Emmett. I wouldn't risk letting him spend an eternity alone; I'm sure he would feel the same way. And I'm sure Bella does, too. Besides. Bella's not the type to settle down and have a family. That's too ordinary for her."

I smiled to myself. "It would be remarkable for her to make the safe choice for once."

"You don't want her to stay behind, do you?" Rosalie asked, knowing my tendency toward self-sacrifice.

"No...no, we've come too far for me to go an eternity without her now."

Rosalie clapped a hand to my shoulder in a very Emmett-like gesture. "Give the worrying a rest, Edward. You'll only give yourself a headache."

I watched her go, feeling only moderately better. Her reassurance helped, but how much could it do against the images that continued to flood my memory?

"I don't know exactly what to make of you, Bella. There are moments like these when I think you might feel as much as I do – and then other times it's as though you're miles away, like you're dreaming of someone else..."

Someone else like Jacob. Like her past love. Would she cling to those memories forever, continually dream of someone unworthy of her? I could do better. I could be good for her.

"Edward, I promise, every part of me is with you."

My heart thrummed with hope. "Every part?"

"Every part," she said. "Of course, it's not easy to let go of the past completely – but with you...that's where I want to be."

"You really mean it?" I pressed, wondering if she were only trying to spare my very obvious feelings for her. "You're not just saying it –"

"I wouldn't lie about this," she said, so sincerely that I had to believe...and the joy that came with that belief was powerful.

I would marry this girl. I was absolutely determined. I would make her so happy that her past love would be nothing but a bad dream, forgotten upon waking...

What did she mean? I reviewed her words over and over again. Was that doublespeak? Did I imagine a strange point of emphasis every time she addressed my past self, pointing to both of us...or was she completely honest? Was 1918 where she wanted to be? Was she ready to let go of what had happened in this time, of our plans for the future?

I groaned aloud. If only I had answers! I would give anything to speak with Bella, to know for certain what she wanted. Knowing would allow me to decide my next course of action. I could wait patiently if I could be sure she wanted to come back to me. I would wait forever for her. But if she was never coming back...

"I suppose I should get you home before you fall asleep here on the dance floor," I said to the girl nearly dozing off in my arms. She was adorable in her sleepy state, a little extra pout in her full, red lips. Her dark eyes were incredibly warm as she looked up at me.

She fell asleep in the car, and I savored the feel of her body against mine, her soft curves and her warm skin under my fingers. I had to keep reminding myself that she was in my arms willingly...I couldn't escape the worry that I was taking advantage or the guilt that I was lusting after her. She deserved better than that...

Unwilling to wake her, I carried her inside. She woke, protesting weakly, but I was of no mind to put her down. Carrying her this way, bridal style, with her in that gown made my heart swell with joy and hope. Someday, perhaps, we would be just like this, but I would carry her into our very own home, and into a bedroom we would share... It would be completely proper, in that situation, to remove the dress from her body, to touch her like I so desired...

I pushed away the fantasies as soon as I entered her bedroom. Time to be a gentleman, and I would treat her with all the respect she deserved.

Help me take the pins out of my hair, she'd asked. I couldn't be happier; the desire to run my hands through her thick, silken locks had plagued me since the first time I laid eyes on her. Any excuse to touch, to feel...

All the pins were free, but I couldn't stop touching...her hair was just as soft as I'd imagined. I could picture it fanning out beneath her on a pillow; I dreamed of burying my hands in it as I moved over her, kissing her soft mouth, holding her body as close as I had tonight, while we danced...

"I'm glad you came with me tonight," I said, finding a patch of skin to caress.

"I'm glad, too," she said. Her eyes were so innocent. It was time to leave.

But first...one kiss. A kiss would be acceptable, wouldn't it? She hadn't minded the first time. So I touched my lips to hers, careful not to overstep any invisible lines, and she proved to be temptation incarnate, offering me a heated, open-mouthed kiss...the kind of kiss lovers shared between the sheets...the kind of kiss that would have me waking in the night for some time...

I pulled away out of necessity. If I didn't, I would keep pressing for more, and now wasn't the time.

I left her reluctantly, and I hoped I wasn't imagining things when I saw the same reluctance on her face...

The memories were fresh enough to torment me, to bring up images of hot nights in Italy and those same passionate kisses...except I had never felt the same freedom as I did in that one excruciating memory. To be so lost in her...what an exquisite feeling...I wanted to experience it anew, as my current self, again and again...

..."How was the party?" my mother asked, smiling. "You got in rather late."

"It was wonderful," I admitted, turning to the open window where I could see children playing in the street. Bella had gone out, to see her friend, the doctor; this time, she refused to let me come. I tried not to let it bother me.

"I probably danced with her too long," I said, knowing my mother would not settle for the simple answer I'd given. "She was exhausted when we got home. But I couldn't help myself. And I couldn't bring myself to leave her side all night. There will be gossip. But I don't care."

I turned back to her, assessing the wry smile on her face. "What? I always knew you'd fall in love with her. It was all over your face the first time I saw you talking to her."

"I want to marry her," I said, uneasy. My father wouldn't like it. I wasn't supposed to marry until after law school, and I definitely wasn't supposed to marry a girl with no family, no money, and no connections. But somehow, my father's disapproval didn't scare me as much as it used to. I would risk it for her.

"Again, I'm not surprised," my mother smiled. "Things will all work out, somehow. Someday. I can see it."

I frowned. I wasn't one to doubt my mother, but I definitely didn't like the way she'd phrased that...

I frowned in the present, too. What did my mother know that I didn't?