Only Human Twilight

11

It hadn't been a full day since Bella's disappearance, but from my memories, I was sure she'd been in the past at least a week. I could only dare to hope that the strange time difference would mean having her back with me sooner. Any other thought was...unbearable.

My past self was making the most of the situation...not that I could blame him. Hadn't I said before that I would have done everything to make her mine, had I found her then? And my past self was proving me correct; thoughts of war had flown right out of his head, though he still pretended...now, all he thought of was providing a home and a life for Bella. I couldn't feel jealous anymore...I knew those feelings. Those were my feelings. But the fear always remained. If I succeeded with Bella in the past, if I avoided the influenza epidemic and managed to marry her like I wanted...would I ever see her again?

I let the memories flow over me...our first kiss in the summer heat, mingling with our kiss after leaving the meadow...different sensations, but both irresistible. Both Bella. I sighed to myself, fighting the longing that the new memories stirred in me. My Bella...what I wouldn't give to hold her now, to feel her softness under my fingertips...

"I want to take her to the Benedicts' party," I told my mother, fighting my embarrassment. She knew as well as I did my hatred of such social functions; she could easily guess my motivation – my desire to please Bella, to impress her, to win her heart...

"Well, I can't say I'm completely surprised," she replied, smiling knowingly. "She's already agreed to go?"

"Yes," I mumbled. My face was flushed.

"I'll take care of her for you, then," she said. "She'll be the belle of the ball."

I rolled my eyes at her smirk...

...I woke in the middle of the night. She stood there in her pure white nightgown, like an angel or a ghost, come to whisk me away.

"I miss home," she'd told me. I'd taken her into my bed, glad of any excuse to be this close to her, happy to imagine a life where I could lie beside her this way every night...but her sadness haunted me. The longing in her eyes wasn't completely mine. She still thought of someone else...her Jacob? I felt sick at the thought...

No...I knew better. It wasn't Jacob. She missed me; I had to believe that, or I would go insane. Clearly she was reciprocating my past self's feelings, but why? Was it because of missing my present self? Or did she feel the same tug that I did in both times, the need to have her, in any setting, any form. Did she feel the same in regards to me? Could she love my human self and my vampire self equally, unconditionally?

Could she come back to me here when my human past held so many more opportunities for her?

"I wish I could stop time and keep you like this forever."

Yes...I knew the feeling.

Edward? It was Rosalie this time, approaching slowly. I nodded, acknowledging her and simultaneously giving her permission to approach. My family had been on tenterhooks with me for the hours since she'd left, and I hadn't helped any by refusing to move from my spot in the forest, where I watched her.

"You're scared shitless, aren't you?" she said as she sat beside me. I smiled at her lack of subtlety.

"Completely," I agreed. "Wouldn't you be?"

"Yes," she nodded slowly. "If it were Emmett...I'd be afraid he wouldn't be able to get back to me. Or that he would love me more, if we were human...if I could give him children, a family."

"Shouldn't I be worried?" The insecurities spilled forth easily, now that she'd been the first to voice them. "If you had the chance at the life you'd always wanted, with Emmett and all, wouldn't you take it?"