The Faded Spark | TID #1

Epilogue

super duper late post! i know i should've posted this in the month of feb pa, but my plates wouldn't let me lols. anyway, here it is! enjoy! 💜

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The afternoon sun was striking too hot, making me sweat like a pig. Marahan kong pinunasan ang pawis na lumandas sa aking noo bago pa ito umabot sa aking sentindo. Kunot ang noo kong inaabangan si Alliah sa labas ng parke. I am actually debating with myself if I'll go inside or not. Baka kasi magkasalisi kami kung aalis ako sa pwesto ko ngayon, mahirap na.

Kakatapos lang ng shift ko sa isang BPO company at kukunin ko lang si Kaeos na pinabantayan ko kay Alliah. Bahagya kong kinusot ang kanang mata dahil ramdam ko na ang pamimigat no'n, I'm tired but I need to be strong. Strong enough to feed myself and my child.

It has been four years since I gave birth to the most beautiful thing happened to my life—my daughter, Kaeos. And five years ago since the worst nightmare I ever had happened—breaking up with someone I love. My one great love, Zachary.

Totoo nga ang sinasabi nila na, 'there is always a rainbow after the rain' . . . After I broke up with Zach, I became mentally and emotionally unstable. Grabeng sakit at depression ang naranasan ko noon. I always cried 24/7 in the first two months after we broke up. I couldn't eat properly, I am always spacing out and then cried my eyes out, again and again. I almost had a miscarriage because of what I am doing with myself. But then, Alliah came. She's always there for me when I am at my worst state. Lagi siyang nandyan kapag pakiramdam ko. . . pinagsasakluban ako ng langit at lupa.

I wasn't expecting her to come to me. We weren't in good terms the last time we met, but still . . . she came to me, lift me up. Tinulungan niya akong makaahon ulit. Hindi siya umalis sa tabi ko, she cared for me kahit na may pasok siya. She was there for me, beside me when I gave birth to Kaeos.

And I was so thankful to have Alliah in my life.

Simula no'ng maghiwalay kami ni Zach, I never heard any news even a single one about my daughter's father—Archimedes. Well, technically, I heard one, na lumipat na raw siya ng university. And after that, wala na. I am just hurt by the thought that . . . he doesn't care about our child. Ni wala man lang siya sa panahong nanganak ako. Ni hindi man lang niya sinubukang makita ang anak namin. How cruel he is? Oo, ayaw ko sa kanya, pero hindi ibig sabihin no'n ay tinatanggalan ko siya ng karapatan na maging tatay kay Kaeos. Ayoko sanang lumaki si Kaeos na walang kinikilalang ama, pero si Archimedes na mismo ang gumawa ng paraan para hindi mangyari iyon.

Napapikit ako nang mariin nang maalala ang mga nangyari sa mga nakalipas na taon. Hindi naging madali ang lahat lalo na nang isilang ko sa mundo si Kaeos. I was slowly coping up with my mental and emotional unstableness, but it was quickly piled up by financial problem. I was just a college level by that time! Ni hindi nga ako naka-graduate sa kolehiyo. Wala akong pera. Hindi ko alam kung saan at kung paano ko matutustusan ang pang-araw-araw namin kung gayong sa Scholarship ko lang ako umaasa. Pero nawala iyon nang tumigil ako sa pag-aaral. Kaya imbis na tuluyan nang maglaho ang depression ko ay mas lalo iyong nadagdagan.

But then again, I surpassed all of my miseries because of my best friend, Alliah. Minsan, naniniwala ako na hindi lalaki o karelasyon mo ang magiging soulmate mo, minsan kaibigan din. She filled my other half, my broken soul.

Kumurap ako ng ilang beses nang makaramdam ng pagkahilo. Marahil ay sanhi ito ng sobrang init ng panahon, idagdag na ang hindi maayos kong oras ng pagtulog. Humanap ako ng masisilungan pansamantala habang hinihintay si Alliah. Ayoko namang magkasakit dahil gastusin pa iyon. Nanatili ako sa puno ng mangga malapit Iang sa gate. Baka kasi hindi nila ako mapansin kung sa waiting shed pa ako sumilong, medyo may kalayuan iyon dito. I fished my phone in my shoulder bag, dialed Alliah's number but it didn't went through. Napalabi tuloy ako sa pag-aalala. I hope they're safe.