Everything I Lost | Jensoo

Chapter 42

JENNIE

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you. They're supposed to help you discover who you are. - Bernice Johnson Reagon

I woke up in the middle of the night with the fear that someone was inside our room. Ella was sleeping on her bed while Jisoo and I on the other. I looked at her and she seemed so peaceful. Like the recent events never happened. I stroked her hair and gave her a kiss on her forehead. How could I blame whatever that was happening to us on her. I can be so stupid sometimes. We were here together and those people wanted something from us.

I got up slowly from our bed and walked to Ella. I loved my child so much. If life was different Dahee would be alive and we would live in California, our little one would go to the best schools and she would have her mommy. But I wouldn't have Jisoo. I never felt for someone the way I feel about her. She is my one, my affinity. If she is not here, I am lost. Her and Ella are my girls.. And because of them I had to stop acting like a scared child. The situation was bad, we didn't know with whom we were dealing but I had to be as strong as Jisoo.

While I was next to Ella's bed I saw Jisoo turning around whispering my name. She immediately got up from the bed in search of me and when she saw where I was she stopped for a moment and looked at me in the eyes. She came right next to me and with her one hand on me and the other on Ella she kissed my head as I did earlier with Ella. She took my arm and guided me back to our bed. Where I woke up minutes ago with the fear of someone being near us.

"Baby, what is it?"

"I had a nightmare.."

"Come here."

We laid to each other's arms with her spooning me.. Our fingers locked, safely next to my heart.

"Jisoo.. Do you love me?"

"With all my heart.. What kind of question is that?"

"I want you to know that I love you very much.. That i never felt for someone the same I feel for you.. And I am sorry if I was a bitch, or if I ever hurt you.."

"Baby, why you are saying all these? What is wrong?"

"I feel.. empty.. Or I was feeling empty.. All of these is driving me insane.. And I realized that I felt that way because I was afraid for you and Ella. I don't know what I am going to do if I ever lose you.."

"Sssshhh.. you are not going to lose me. I am going to be here, holding your hand like I do now.. Okay? I am not going anywhere.. And if I will I am going to take you and our baby girl with me.."

I don't know how, but hearing her telling me all this with her calming voice made me close my eyes and fall asleep once again.. This time I didn't wake up. This time I was holding her hand so tight like she would leave me.

We decided that Ella wouldn't go at her school. The day that we picked her up Jisoo discussed it with her teacher. She was only five. She wouldn't miss a lot. When we woke up next morning, with Ella being difficult of course, everything seemed kind of different. Maybe it was the hotel. Last time I was staying at a place like that was before I meet Jisoo.. That place..

"Princess if you don't wake up me and mommy are going to let you here and we are going to eat pancakes. And you know how much you love pancakes."

"I am up momma.. I am up.. Don't go.. I want pancakes too."

If I would close my eyes I would see us in our kitchen, Jisoo making pancakes and me trying to wake Ella up. Instead we were inside a room, not our place, trying to act normal. How normal we could act though.