I was stocking the girl's section of our store last week when I noticed what I believe to be a conspicuous and mysterious absence. This is Barbie's youngest sister:
Or, at least it was until 2010. When Kelly was "replaced" by Chelsea. That's right, "replaced."
I, personally, find this whole unexplained switcheroo to be highly questionable, and am therefore calling foul.
I present, after a considerable hiatus (and a new blog url!) my Top 10 Theories About What Happened to Kelly.
1. Ken got her in the divorce proceedings.
This is a tricky one, because technically Kelly is Barbie's sister. Which leads us down the rabbit hole of Barbie conspiracy theories, since it is suggestive of Kelly being the offspring of Barbie and Ken in a moment of...poor judgement. GUYS THIS IS DARK.
2. She joined the Church of Scientology.
OMG WHAT IF SHE GETS HIRED TO MARRY TOM CRUISE!?
3. MURDER.
Totally logical, and actually it was my first theory about her disappearance. I was fully prepared to call CSI Mattel. On my Barbie Dream Flip Phone.
4. Turns out she was Skipper's friend Courtney's illegitimate child, and they both fled.
Apparently "I Can Be" doesn't apply to teen motherhood.
5. She got sick of being the "baby" and ran off to Vegas with those slutty Bratz dolls.
Skanks.
6. Jail.
(After the Vegas incident)
7. She got knocked up and decided to settle down in suburban Connecticut with her hubby.
8. She ghost wrote Snooki's novels and lives in an NYC loft.
9. Taking Barbie's advice that she could "be anything," Kelly opted to become the world's first "lounge singing-figure skating-fire eater".
10. Nothing.
She was a figment of our imaginations, like a sweet dream that disappears at the first hint of morning.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
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