The Girl She Knew

Chapter Eighteen: Let the Light In

~Amelia's POV~

"I don't know what we're gonna do.." I heard Mrs. Roxy try and say quietly to everyone in the kitchen standing in one place. I was still sitting, also frozen anxiously, in a chair across the coffee table from Tobi and Levi cuddling on the couch.

"She's trying to keep Rosie from hearing," Tobi said, nodding his head towards his still mother. Unlike Mrs. Roxy, Mrs. Jan was running around the lurching sorting things that didn't need to be. When she passed her, Mrs. Roxy grabbed her arm and pulled her small wife close. The two stood, resting against each other at the hip, looking worriedly towards the back of the house every few seconds but mostly just at the wide eyed, frightened kids in their kitchen.

A small smile spread across my face as I watched the caring display given from the two. "Makes sense," I replied, running my hands over my worn out, faded blue jeans,"has anyone talked about a um... A-"

"Her dad and sister are planning it, but her dad called Mrs. Jan and said he wanted Rosie to speak if she was feeling up to it." Levi said, bringing his hand up to rest his head against.

"I mean if anyone's gonna do it, it should be her," I nodded bringing my feet down from my chest.

"True," Levi replied.

"Yeah," Tobi added, shifting away from Levi to face more towards me,"if anyone knows Riley.. It's Rosie." In my head I corrected him by pointing out that he should have said 'knew' and 'it was' but I decided it better to keep this to myself rather than stating them aloud.

I sat in the comfy chair and let the silence of the house sink into me for a while. However long that while was, I was unsure because it felt like three completely different eternities. Finally I frowned and sat up straighter to address the boys on the couch,"Do you think it would be a bad idea for me to go back there?"

"I don't know," Levi mumbled, looking to Tobi,"what'd you think hun?"

"I mean... It couldn't hurt,"Tobi said,"it might actually make her feel a little better."

"You think so?"

"I know my big sis heh... heh." He said jokingly winking as he trailed off, shifting even closer to Levi on the couch.

"Okay..." I mumbled and got up walking slowly to the back of the house. I already knew where to find her room, but I really couldn't tell where I was pulling this knowledge from. I knocked on the familiar, poorly painted door as I reached it; something I wasn't sure I had ever done before, if my possibly fake memories were serving me correct I usually just ran on in. I heard a muffled "Come in" and slowly opened the old door,"Hey Rosie.." I mumbled, stepping carefully into her well recalled room.

In my head I went back. I went back into the eighth grade. I was five years old and playing with Barbies. I was eighth years old and letting a brown haired girl, who was still growing out her bangs, sign my cast. I was thirteen standing in the same spot convincing a sobbing girl that she was beautiful. I was fourteen sitting on that bed rather sad as I kissed another young girl goodbye for the first time.

She looked up at me, breaking me out of my reverie, and then immediately burrowed back into her covers,"Go away. Please. I can't talk to you." I heard, even though she was extremely muffled. 

"Look Rosie, it's not just you.. You know we're all hurting-"

"Have you cried yet?" She interjected, poking out from the covers almost humorously.

"Excuse me?"

"Have you, Amelia Jane Carrey, cried yet?"

"I mean... No. I don't cry."

"Your roommate, one of your best friends- maybe even your best friend, is dead and you're telling me, you have not cried yet?"

"Nope. Heh.. Heh." I said, looking down at my feet and shuffling them around.

"That's messed up. Because I, have cried, I've gone through fifty stages of grief in two minutes. Because I am a lowlife piece of scum. Who wasted the last months she had." The girl who had been slowly coming out of her covers this whole time collapsed back into her covers and started crying harder than she had cried all day.

"Rosie I- I don't think," before I could finish my thought, Mrs. Jan came scuttling in.

"Amelia, sweetie, could you step outside for a bit?" She asked without turning to face me, but rather stepping past me towards the bed.

"Um.. Sure.. No, no problem," I said slowly walking out, as she crawled into her daughters bed and tried to pull her into her arms.

As I walked up front I cleared my throat to grab everyone's attention,"Hey guys..." Everyone, 'everyone' meaning everyone who was not in Rosie's room, looked up at me,"Has you all like... Cried yet?"

Tobi shifted uncomfortably and Levi tried to keep his position as everyone exchanged a somewhat knowing glance.

Ashton looked around at everyone once again before looking at me and answering with,"Yeah Amelia..." He continued,"We all have. Why do you ask?"

"Because... Um I haven't." I said, shuffling my feet and folding my arms over my chest. I stared at my toes through my shoes as I heard Levi whisper something inaudible to Tobi and looked up as someone stepped in my direction.

It was Mrs. Roxy.

"That's okay sweet heart, everyone has their own coping mechanisms,"Mrs. Roxy said, looking sort of sad but really just downright tired, whilst patting me on the back. I opened my arms to her and she pulled me in faster than I expected. I almost melted into her motherly embrace as she let out a shuddery sigh and started crying quietly. I stood there holding this woman I barely knew- or barely remembered I should say as she cried until her son noticed. When he did notice he jumped up from the couch and wrapped his arms around the both of us. Something about it felt safe. Like home. But this wasn't the time for me to mention that to them.