Comfy Closets

24|| Heartbreaks and Hormones

I only reached her when we were a couple of metres into the mini gathering of trees, away from the prying eyes of any possible onlookers.

"Leah!" I called, reaching for her arm and pulling her to a stop. The blonde gave up in her escape, turning around with reluctance as tears streamed down her face.

"What?" she whispered; her voice tight. "What explanation can you give me that will explain that?"

"Babe, it's not what it looks lik-"

"Don't give me that sh*t!" she exclaimed, shoving my hand off her arm. "It looked exactly like what you two intended to do. I've gone through this sh*t before, Alyssa, more times than I can count on one hand, so tell me, right now, that what I saw wasn't going to lead to you ch-"

Leah stopped herself like she didn't want to even utter the word out loud. I couldn't stand to see her so pained, my heart clenching in my chest at the knowledge that I caused that. I was the one who made her cry.

I decided to say the one thing that I knew to say at the moment.

"You know me."

Looking at her with all the sincerity I had within me, I repeated it again, but much softer than the last. Her puffy eyes that had focused on mine with such anger faltered in its intensity.

"You know about my past with Isabelle. You know that I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone else," I said, my voice breaking halfway through. "You know I wouldn't ever hurt you like that because that isn't me and it'll never be."

My throat felt stuck as I tried to push down the oncoming tears. All of me wanted to just reach out to her and pull her into me, to have her close and just be reassured that she was there. But I restrained myself, knowing that now wasn't the time.

Leah knew I was telling the truth. It was evident in her eyes, as the fire within them faded into the black dullness of smoke. The lines of anger on her face were replaced by creases of guilt. But the pain was still ever-present.

"I-I... I'm sorry I assumed. I just- I don't know why I keep doing it," she said, the frustration in her tone clearly directed at herself. "I keep expecting this to happen, and then when it does, it just reinforces the thought that it will happen to me again, and again, and again."

I never knew she thought that about relationships; about us. I realised now that it was why she was always so private, even to me. She was just protecting herself.

Then she voiced a question that broke my heart.

"Am I not worth being with?"

Immediately, I rushed forward to her, cupping her face in my hands. "Baby, of course, you are. There is no question to that, at all. Don't ever ask that question again, because all it'll do is eat you up," I expressed. "You are worth everything and more, Leah. I'm so lucky to have you, and I'll remind you of that every single day until it gets into that stubborn head of yours," I tried to joke.

She choked out a laugh, holding my hands over her cheeks as tears still streamed down. Relief was in her eyes, even if it was overshadowed by the dark self-deprecating thoughts that clouded her mind. It was still there, and at that moment, I swore to myself that I would foster that light until it shone brightly on its own.