The Secrets of Cedar Creek

54 : She Knew

I take a deep breath and let the water wrap around me like an embrace. I imagine letting it take over me and letting myself drown.

Then I think my life is short enough already, I'll let reality do it for me.

Everything is just so overwhelming. Everything is absolutely insane. It's f*cking crazy.

I remember the day I came back to Cedar Creek, after my three months with Scott in Newhaven. I knew that coming back was going to be hard. I knew that facing Sylv was going to hurt. I knew that my guilt might not ever go away.

But this? This is something new all together. Paige's parents are criminal gang leaders or some sh*t like that. I don't even know where to f*cking begin. So Paige's Dad – who I've always known as Joe – is secretly Joseph Wittle, and his sisters were murdered while he was at boarding school. Then he starts business back up on his own – with Renee – they have a kid – called Paige – and then figure out the FBI are onto them.

So of course, they do the sane thing by assassinating the FBI's entire family. Well, attempt to. It was a miracle that I survived the car accident.

Seems like a cruel course of events – how all of our lives have somehow woven together. Three generations of murders. The Wittle's. My parents. Paige.

How Paige and I fell for the same boy. How Paige and I both were in car accidents on Mt Fallows.

It's f*cking crazy – that's what it is. But some things still don't add up. If it's as simple as some psycho criminal out there that killed Paige to get back at the Ascott's – why bother framing Tallon?

If my parents were murdered, who made it look like an accident?

My head spins.

I go back to my room with just a towel wrapped around me. I look at myself in the mirror and stare for a long time.

What has all this done to me?

I'm half my old weight, my hair has thinned out, my cheeks are hollow and all my scars are red and look way more obvious than they used to.

I'm scared to turn around and see them on my back. That's when I see Paige's diary sitting innocently on my bedside table in the reflection. Only three entries left. Surely there's nothing left to shock me. Surely.

I cross my legs and sit on my bed. Her diary sits in my lap now. Three more.

I read the first – which dates back to the first day of school last year. She was excited and nervous, but everything was typical. She was still Paige. Normal. Happy.

The second one shocks me a bit – but not in a world shattering what-is-life way. So apparently one night May was completely drunk and broke down to Paige and Jess how she thinks she's in love with me. I had to read that a few times because firstly – May's gay? And secondly, me?!? But I ended up finding that more funny than shocking. I guess it makes sense why she's always such an *ss to me. She's been supressing her feelings for far too long and she's come to resent me. Which I guess is true because I think a lot of people rather pretend they hate the person they love instead of admitting they are in love.

Figures.

Which really opens my eyes, because now I've seemed to figure out lots of secrets. Sylv's secret: f*cking his girlfriend's best friend. Cliff's secret: being a drug dealer. Jackson's secret: having bulimia. Paige's secret: being pregnant and cheating on Sylv which I guess we can't really call cheating...? May's secret: her sexuality.

The only person I have nothing on is Avalon. I'm just glad that no one knows my biggest secret – and no one will know till my last breath.

Then to the third entry... I read it slowly and I read it over and over. I think by the time I put down her diary I've read it thirty times.

Maybe more.

Dear Diary

Sylv and I are still fresh, but I decided it could be nice to surprise him after school. I went home to change and shower first, then Mum made me some chocolate coated strawberries to take him as an afternoon snack.

I took my bicycle to his house earnestly. He's really growing on me. I don't know if I'll ever see him the same as I see C. But he's got a good heart and I see it now more than before.

But when I got there, I was faced with quite a shock. I rode down to his house and stood at the front door, which gave me a good view of his back shed. He had parked his truck in front of it and was hosing it down and scrubbing it. At first, he was all I saw.

I forced a smile and prepared to run over to him, but then someone else appeared behind the truck.

It was Rose. She was giggling. Rose doesn't giggle much. She just doesn't. She's gone through so much in her life that she's often like a dark cloud. I know I have my depression and PTSD, but Rose has gone through her fair share too.

It looked like she was helping him clean his truck. They seemed to be such close friends – despite the fact they only just met a few weekends ago at May's party. Or maybe it was only their first meeting to my knowledge.

Sylv also tends to be quite a gloomy person. But today – oh God. The two of them shone like they didn't have a care in the world. They started play fighting with the hose and then soaked eachother. Sylv picked her up and ran across the yard with her hanging from his shoulders. It was really like a scene from a movie.

Despite the lack of specifically romantic gestures, I could see something quite vividly. Love. They were in love – and I somehow missed it before.

I was so absorbed in their little display of affection that I barely had noticed Mrs Redpine opening the door for me. I handed her the strawberries and smiled. It shouldn't have been a genuine smile – I should have been furious that Rose was with my boyfriend.

But I wasn't – because I knew that they had something that I'm familiar with. Something that I have with Christopher, and not with anyone else.

And I was happy, because they seemed happy.

I slam the book shut. Paige knew? Paige... knew?! She knew... all along. The whole time... she knew from the first week they started dating. F*ck. F*ck. She knew and she was... happy?

I know the guilt shouldn't lift – because in my head, it is the same. I slept with her boyfriend while they were on a break and didn't tell her. I wanted him through their whole relationship and never voiced my feelings.

It wasn't until after all those sins occurred that I found out she never even loved him – she had someone else she was cheating with, and she was happy for us to be sneaking around behind her back.

F*ck that's so messed up.

But for some reason... it makes the guilt fade just that little bit. 

___

Only a few chapters left! Everything starts to implode from here on... it's getting to the interesting part. So you know what happened to the Wittle's now and you know that Paige was actually a Wittle. But did history really repeat? Or is someone else responsible for Paige's murder?

Keep reading to find out!

Also... I wonder how this diary entry effects how Rose sees Sylv. Knowing that Paige wasn't hurt, will Rose accept her feelings for Sylv or continue to push him away?

Love, 

Aurora