Hope ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 28: To Rest

I still don't know what to choose.

About the award that is. I still don't know what to do. Do I go and risk reawakening that pent-up rage and emotions, or do I avoid it and keep living as I am? A part of me is telling myself that I should go but go for myself as Kaito had suggested. However, how could I do that? The Paxton Free Young Award is YM/N's dream. Me showing up -especially unexpectedly- could damper her evening. After all, I doubt she'd be thrilled to see the forsaken one. I doubt she even misses me. I doubt either of them misses me.

Besides, what does this closure matter? In their eyes, they did what was right. It doesn't matter that after it was all said and done, how much I cried. It doesn't matter that for months I sobbed myself to sleep. It doesn't matter that a piece of myself died that day. It doesn't matter that my life was forever flipped upside down. None of that matters. So, what's the point of this mythical closure?

They didn't care then and I'm sure they still don't care.

I blink, shaking my head. I shouldn't be focusing on any of this. I have work to do. Eyes burning, I turn back to the monitors I have been watching but I quickly feel myself slipping away again. My clouded thoughts return once again to my previous mindset; wondering what I should do.

It honestly shouldn't matter. Not now. After all, the award is now just two days away. Just two days which means I'm basically out of time. I have no dress for the occasion, no invitation, and no obligations tying me to it. So, I should just drop the whole thing. Should...should being the keyword...but I can't. This nagging feeling in the back of my head just won't leave me the hell alone.

"Come on Y/N," I growl at myself, rubbing my eyes. "Focus. Focus. Ya got bigger things to worry about than that stupid award."

That's what I choose to tell myself and, in a way, it's not wrong. After all, there's the whole Blood Root Ceremony that I'll have to do with Yato and the whole trying to help Kaito and Rei out of an engagement neither of them wants. Well, technically I haven't been asked to help out in anything. In fact, I haven't seen Kaito since he left the other day, but we have texted. He's been stuck staying at the Hara's residence while Rei's extended family all flies in for the approaching wedding. He's told me he's been faking so many smiles that his cheeks hurt, but then again, so has Rei. He told me that she's been down since she came back to her family home. Of course, based on the very little I know about her, I can tell she must feel trapped.

Trapped.

Just how I felt when I lived with my own parents. Suffocation...manipulation...no freedom. That was life in the L/N household and I'm almost certain that's Rei's life in the Hara household. She's trapped and not free. Not free to be who she is and to love freely. And because of that, I can say I somewhat relate to her. Somewhat.

"Oh, my. Are you alright?" a voice suddenly asks, pulling me back to reality.

I glimpse up, meeting a set of dark orbs that are ripened and aged, the kindness drifting in them. Mr. Sui is standing there, his focus trained on me as his brows knit in worry.

"Y/N, are you alright? You seem...stressed. Is something troubling you?" he presses.

I didn't mean for this to happen. To worry him, that is. He has enough on his plate with running the shop and all. Still, I appreciate his concern.

"I'm fine," I lie, faking a smile. "Just a little tired is all. Nothing to worry about Mr. Sui."

He observes me. "Why do I feel that is a lie, Miss L/N? You seem...distant. Do you need someone to talk to?"

I shake my head, waving my hands dismissively. "Oh, no, no, Mr. Sui. I'll be fine. Like I said, I'm just tired. Really, it's nothing to concern yourself with."