Hope ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 26: One Way

It's amazing how fixated he is on the sea.

His stare remains focused, never tearing from the rolling waves as the breeze combs through his thick locks. Even in the twilight shadows, I can see how flawless and beautiful he really is. His features are smooth and even, his lips pressed in a flat line. He stands tall, his shoulders confidently pulled back as his hands remain shoved into his jacket's pockets. Contentment and peace appear to paint his face, but I could be wrong.

It's just...it's just that he looks so calm right now. Even if he's not, he's putting on a good act. Everything from the way he stands to how he looks all makes me believe that he's at least okay. But that makes me curious. What is going through his head? What is he thinking about? Who is he thinking about? I wonder if...if it's Hiyori.

Slightly nervous, I try to smile, "You seem quiet tonight. Is...is something on your mind?"

He glimpses down at me from the corners of his eyes before returning to the ocean, shrugging, "Eh. Not really."

Lying. He's lying. I can tell. I don't know how I can tell, but I just can. I just know he is, and I'm saddened by that. Does he not trust me? Or...or is it that he doesn't want to burden me? Regardless, I want to know the truth. I want to be let in.

Fidgeting with my fingers, I continue, "Liar. What is it? Somethin's on your mind...I can tell." I pause for a brief moment, biting my lower lip. "Is...is it Hiyori?"

This must strike him because he perks up, turning to me. His eyes grow wide as his mouth becomes slightly agape. As usual, I have surprised him. He wasn't expecting that question, but ever since the festival, I can't help but wonder their whole story. What led to Yato cutting ties with her? Surely there's more than just the fact that he wants her to have a normal life...right? Can anyone -including a god- be that selfless?

"Well?" I press. "Is it?"

He scans me for a moment before sighing, "You want the truth?"

"Yes, of course," I reply confidently.

Why wouldn't I want the truth? Why would he even ask that? Isn't it obvious? I'm genuinely curious and want to know. But above all else, I want to see if I can help. I mean, I know there's no way I can reunite them, but at least being someone he can talk to is something. It's better than nothing.

He observes me quickly before breathing, "Fine." He redirects his attention back to the waving sea and continues, "I am thinking about her. I think about her a lot. Probably too much, but that can't be helped. I...I loved her."

I don't know why, but that stings. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. After all, it's not like it's uncommon for people -including gods, I suppose- to have former relationships. That said, does what they had count as a relationship? Well, does it count as a romantic relationship? And more so, why am I letting this information get to me? It shouldn't matter.

It shouldn't matter.

"She was in my life," he laughs halfheartedly. "I spent so much time with her...Yukine and I both did. She was almost always there...always with us. It's cliché, but I should've seen it comin'. Before I knew it, I realized just how much she meant to me. And after that, I almost didn't want to take her case. I...I didn't want to risk losing her." He pauses, biting his lips. "I didn't want to lose her."

That shield of contentment begins to evaporate. Suddenly, I can see the things he's trying to hide; the emotions he tries to conceal. He is hurting. He is hurting and remembering what is flashing through his mind makes him hurt even more. Which tugs at my heartstrings.

"If that was the case, then why did you cut ties with her?" I question, keeping my tone gentle.

He bites down on his lower lip before sighing, "I already told you. I wanted her to live a normal life."

"There has to be more than that," I say.

"Does there? Does there have to be?" he asks, glimpsing at me. "Does there need to be another reason?"

Fair enough. Does there need to be? The truth is no. No, there doesn't need to be a reason. There doesn't need to be anything. However, I feel there's still more. I feel there's still something he's not telling me.

Anxious, I shrug, "I don't know. It just...doing something like that seems...how do I word this? Selfless? I mean, you said it yourself. You loved her. If you love someone, why would you let them go like that?"

He absorbs my words before swallowing, "Have you ever seen a bird in a cage?"

"Yeah. Lots of times," I answer nonchalantly, though I'm not sure where this is about to go.

"Okay, then. Have you ever stopped and thought about how that bird got there?" he asks, never glimpsing away from me.

I tilt my head to the side. "Well, they're either born in captivity or captured from their environment."

A knowing expression slivers across his face as he nods, "Exactly. And even those born in captivity are the descendants of wild-caught birds."

True. He has a point there, but where is this point leading to? Where is he trying to go with this? I'm lost and starting to grow confused.

He must notice my curiosity because he continues, "Humans are like those birds...Hiyori is like one of those birds. Flying with her own kind, mingling in her flock. In her natural habitat, she thrives." He averts his stare back to the roaring ocean, adding, "To keep her in my life...to keep her involved with the world of gods...that is thrusting her into an environment she doesn't know. That is trapping her in a cage with our secrets and that's not fair." He takes a deep breath. "And you say it was selfless to cut ties with her, but I don't think so. Either way, it was selfish. Keepin' her involved or cutting ties; regardless, there was always a hint of selfishness."

I knit my brows in curiosity. "But how? How was cutting ties to give her a normal life selfish?"

"It wasn't what she wanted," he huffs. "When I told Hiyori I was going to do it, she protested. She had no desire to forget me or Yukine or the realm of the gods. She was adamant that she was fine with how things were, but she was constantly slippin' out of her body. It was only a matter of time before she wandered too far from her body or stayed out of it too long before permanent consequences manifested. That alone shoulda scared her."

It feels strange to be talking about all this...about Hiyori and her past connections with Yato. Especially since Hiyori no longer has any idea who he is. She has no idea. But Yato...he remembers it all. He remembers every moment they spent together and how he felt near her. And even though he claims Hiyori never wanted any of this, I fail to see the selfishness.

I bring my own stare to the rolling waves and shrug, "I don't know. Sure, Hiyori may not have wanted any of that to happen, but I'm sure neither did you. However, in the end, you saw deeper than she did and knew that deep down it was for the best...even if it did hurt like hell. So, I still don't see what's so selfish about what you did. Against her wishes or not, it was for the better and you recognized that despite not wanting to lose her. To me, that speaks volumes."

"You...you really think so?" he asks in a low tone.

I turn to him, taking in how he looks directly at me before smiling softly, "Yeah. Yeah, I really do think so."

It's difficult to tell, but I almost see a scarlet tint dust across his cheeks as his eyes widen. He's once again astonished by my words, but this time there's a difference. This time, though it's faint, it's as if I see a bit of a sparkle in his gaze.

"You do?" he swallows, still focused on me.

Still meaning every word I say, I beam, "Yes."

**Hello, all my wonderful lovelies! So, now we have more insight as to why Yato saw it fit to cut ties with Hiyori. How'd that make y'all feel? Any idea what'll happen next? Feel free to take a gander! As always, thank you so, so much for everything! Y'all are da bestest! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Answer" by Ateez😍