When We Were Kids

Eight

"Hey, guys! This is Emmeline, my girlfriend!"

Remus physically felt his heart shatter. He could feel each individual piece fall apart. But somehow he managed to keep a smile on his face and make polite conversation with Sirius and his girlfriend. Girlfriend! I mean, who would've thought Sirius would get a girlfriend so quickly? Certainly not Remus. He had hoped that Sirius was at least bi. He had hoped that the smiles and kindness had meant something other than friendship. But of course, it didn't. How could it have? Sirius was touchy, that was just who he was. He showed his affection through touch. He hugged James when he got excited. He punched Peter when he teased him. He was just a touchy person. Remus was an idiot to think that it meant anything other than that. His hopes had gotten too high. Liking someone always ruined his life. He could've kicked himself.

Remus made himself stay at the party for an hour. That was socially acceptable in his case. He would claim he was tired and go to the dorm and hide. When the hour mark rolled around, Remus did exactly that. He found Peter and told him he was really tired and was going to turn in. Peter smiled and nodded, allowing Remus to sneak off. He knew Lily would badger him about it, but that was a worry for future Remus. Right now, all Remus had the energy to do was hide under his covers and wallow in self-pity.

So he went upstairs, climbed into his bed, and placed a sticking charm on the curtains around it. For a while he stayed there, tossing and turning. The thoughts in his head swirling and attacking. But after a while, he couldn't take it anymore. The boys weren't back yet so Remus got out of bed and then restuck his curtains so they wouldn't know that he was gone. He slipped on his shoes and headed down the hallway. At the end was a window with a balcony. The sun had almost set, so the sky was an array of reds and purples. Remus opened the window with a grunt, pulling it up enough for him to get out. Thankfully, no one was around to see him struggle. Finally, he escaped onto the balcony and sat down. His legs took up the remainder of the balcony, stretching out to the other side. Remus set his head against the metal bars and stared out at the sunset. He was lost in thought and the time passed without much notice to him at all. It was only as the night took over and the coolness made Remus shiver that he figured it was time to go back inside.

Remus quietly trudged back to the room he shared with his friends. His chest was hurting with guilt. It just hit him how selfish he had been. Not only had he acted like a child by running off and hiding just because his crush got a girlfriend, but he also wasn't there for his friend. He didn't gossip with Sirius about his new girlfriend. He didn't act like a friend. He was awful. He needed to apologize. Luckily for him, his friends were still up when he opened the door.

"Remus! We thought you were asleep?" James exclaimed when he entered. Worry traced his face, looking back from his bed to him. Remus' chest panged with guilt once more. He avoided eye contact and sat down in between Peter and James.

"Sorry, I just needed some fresh air. The dorm was stuffy." Remus replied half-heartedly. He snuck a look at Sirius who held the same expression James had when he walked in.

"There's a window in here," James stated confusedly. Shit, Remus thought. He forgot about that.

"I just really needed some fresh air. I thought I'd be back before you guys got back, but I lost track of time." Remus hoped his lies weren't hopelessly see-through. They seemed to do the job because James didn't press anymore.

"So, Sirius. I've been rude. You have a girlfriend?" Remus turned his attention to his crush with a fake smile.

"I do." Sirius smiled genuinely. "Her name is Emmeline Vance. She's a first-year, like us. Gryffindor, obviously. Half-blood, so at least I'm keeping up my traitorous acts somewhat. I do believe old Orion and Walburga will be happy to hear, unfortunately. Might spare the information in hopes of a good argument. Keep them on their toes, you know?"