Starstruck (the Idea of Always)

Vrijdag 11:13

Although, to be honest, Lucas didn't know if they were dates or not. They didn't do date-y things, they just hung out and skated around. And held hands, last time. And took pictures (which, Lucas reminded himself internally, he still wanted to ask Jens for). And almost kissed. Which they hadn't talked about.

His phone buzzed again.

Are you going to that New Years' party?

Lucas sat on the sofa again, ignoring Ralph's presence in the room.

Maybe? I haven't heard anything about one

Lucas glanced up as Ralph cleared his throat. Ralph looked over at Lucas, looking apprehensive, and then sat on the other sofa and pulled his own phone out.

Robbe said Milan was going so I assumed you
and Ralph would be going too

Lucas wanted to ask Ralph about it but didn't feel like talking to Ralph. Or looking at him.

Probably then
I'll ask Milan about it when he finally stops
talking to Zoë

Lucas felt Ralph's eyes on him and he shifted in his seat uncomfortably as he waited for Jens to respond.

Milan does like to talk
I hope you go I don't feel like being alone at
another party

Before he could answer, Milan entered the room and announced, "We're leaving! A bit behind schedule, but that's okay. We'll get some coffee while we're out and that'll fix us up."

Lucas shook his head slightly at this and glanced over to see Ralph doing the same. Ralph looked at Lucas and smiled. Apologizing.

Lucas gave him the same smile back.

JENS
I don't feel like being alone at another party

Jens knew that he never looked alone at a party, surrounded by friends and strangers alike, his nerves flooded with alcohol and smoke. But he always felt alone. That sort of lonely in a crowd type feeling. He'd never told anyone about it.

Until Lucas.

The night they met, Jens had asked Lucas if he was a party person and Lucas had said no. Jens said he wasn't either. If he had told anyone else that, like one of the Broerrrs, or one of the girls, they would have scoffed and said, "Yeah, right."

But he felt like he could be open around Lucas.

Real.

Even though he had only known Lucas for a few minutes when he told him this, it felt natural. Like it was natural for Lucas to know everything about him.

He couldn't tell Lucas that he had a massive crush on him, though.

Though, he supposed, he didn't really have to.

They had almost kissed.

Jens still couldn't tell who had made the first move. He supposed he did, by holding his hand out for Lucas to grab. But Lucas had touched his hand earlier. And Jens had started leaving in to kiss him and then stopped. And Lucas leaned in. And then the guy yelled for them to leave.

Damn it.

Jens had really wanted to kiss him. He looked kissable.

Maybe that was why Jens had hoped Lucas would be going to that party. Maybe he'd get his New Year kiss from him.

Jens shook his head slightly at the notion. That would be ridiculous. He didn't even know if Lucas was gay. Or bi. Or pan. He just knew that Lucas said that young Leonardo di Caprio was pretty (a perfect ten) and that he had held his hand.

And almost kissed him.

He couldn't be straight.

But then again, everyone thought Jens was straight. He'd only been with girls. He'd never told anyone that he liked guys too. It was one of those secrets, just like the party thing. He wasn't ashamed of it. He knew there was nothing wrong with him. He wasn't trying to keep it a secret. It had just never come up. And after Moyo said that after Robbe said Sander liked him, that awful thing. Jens just felt awful.

Gross.

Jens couldn't stop hearing it. He knew that Moyo didn't think that anymore. Or didn't voice his thoughts, if he did. Moyo hung out with Robbe and Sander, gave them both hugs. Teased them about PDA. He had even cheered for them when they kissed at the holiday party.

But Jens couldn't stop hearing it. He knew that there were people who still thought it. Maybe his family thought it. He didn't know. He never mentioned it.

He had accidentally gotten defensive when Moyo said it that day. He didn't mean to, he had spoken without thinking. And then Moyo looked at him and he felt like he had to hide. When Robbe came out and started dating Sander publicly, and everyone knew and supported them, Jens felt like he was hiding. He still did. He felt like he was lying.

But not to Lucas.

With Lucas he was honest. And real.

It was amazing. He felt so alive with Lucas. He'd never felt like that before.

His phone buzzed next to him. He opened his eyes, which he hadn't realized were closed and reached for it next to him on his bed.

sorry I took so long, we finally left and they made
me go in to get them coffee

Jens smiled at his screen, forgetting the storm that was just thundering around in his head a moment ago.

what a nuisance

He waited for a moment as the screen showed that Lucas was typing.

agreed
I have to go though :(

Jens sat up and sighed. If he could, he would spend the whole day laying in bed and talking to Lucas. Or chilling with him at the skate park.

Or kissing him, that would be nice too.

:( I should probably go too anyway

He looked up and stretched his back. Sighed. Then he looked back at his phone when it buzzed.

I am going to the party, by the way

Jens smiled.

hell yeah

Lucas responded a second later.

I miss you