Beneath her scars

'I am not used to thinking'

•Rec 1
Hi there! I don't know where to start from...
Maybe I should just start by introducing myself. Well my name is Isabelle and I am 20 years old. It's been 20 minutes since the new year has started...and everyone is partying out there. While I am sitting in my washroom and crying.
There is something I decided this new year as a resolution. I have decided to record a regular video entry like the diary one. I would have preferred writing than recording but it's just I don't think it will be safe out there, specifically because of the kind of people I have in my house. Anyway, the purpose for doing this is to tell the truth about my life.
I would have never done something like this but situations change, so do we. I can't even explain the amount of pain I am going through right now. I feel like shouting and crying in pain. My whole body is paining, my nerves are exploding and I still I don't know what is the cure for all these. It's been so many years since I slept properly....and now I feel tired because even my soul is giving up. I wish I could just kill myself so that I don't have to deal with anything anymore. I know that everybody has issues and the fact that people still survive inspite of that.....
But the thing is I am not that kind of strong anymore. I look around and I see nothing except for darkness.
You know I always tried my best and everything possible from my side to make my situation better but it's just....
I can't anymore...... I just can't because the water is over my head and I don't see any way out.
Anyway today I woke up from my sleep at 11am and I could hear a lot of chaos in the house. I generally don't sleep at night so I tend to sleep during the mornings. I could hear my parents shouting at the top of their voices about something. I tried to peek in their room so that I could listen to what was going on.
'What were you thinking huh? You didn't think about us for once, did you? '
'No I didn't because you guys don't matter to me. '
'You are a disgusting filthy man. '
'You better watch your tongue out there bitch ,otherwise it wouldn't take me long to finish you and your daughter's life in few seconds'
'You already did that because that is the only thing you ever learnt in life.'
'Shut up! You are nothing but a brainless woman with a mentally unstable daughter'
'Hey you better not mention about my daughter,you pervert. '
He caught her by her hair, squeezed her throat and threatened her to keep her mouth shut. My mother could barely speak anything so she kept on crying and pleading for her life. He finally left her and she fell down unconscious on the floor. My dad left while my mother laid unconscious there. I tried to wake her up with some water and after fifteen minutes or so she finally woke up. She started crying again and hugged me tight while whining about Dad.
'Your dad... Your dad cheated me again'
'He always did, didn't he? '
'He did.. He did but this time he crossed all his limits. I am so sorry Isa I couldn't be a good mother to you'
'Mom! It's fine. I don't think you are responsible for my situation but you definitely are the reason why things like that happened to me when you were supposed to protect me as a mother.
Unfortunately you didn't but that is completely fine like all the other things. '
'But what possibly I could have done? '
'Taking right stand, among all other things maybe. Anyway I should probably go because I have some stuffs to do. '
'Don't you care? '
'I don't, like the same way you didn't all these years. '
After I finished writing my assignment I sat down on my couch and looked blankly at ceiling walls. I realized thinking, I am not that used to thinking about my life.