Albus Potter and the Cursed Legacy | Scorbus

22. Thoughts

Albus needed to clear his head. Aimlessly, he wandered about the castle, finding himself roaming down corridors and up various sets of stairs. Without realising it, Albus had made his way to the highest point of the castle, forcing himself to come to a stop. Instead of turning around, Albus decided to avoid facing reality for a little while longer. He wasn't ready to go back to his dorm and see Scorpius again.

The arches of the tower provided a vast and stunning view of the Hogwarts grounds during the day. But as dusk fell over the castle, the rolling hills started to hide under the cover of darkness as flecks of light started spotting in the sky. Mirroring the stars, specks of light flickered on from Hogsmeade as torches and candles lit up the village homes. 

Wind whistled through the openings of stone that blurred the lines between interior and exterior. Albus shivered but did his best to ignore the chill, trying to numb his body the same way he'd numbed his brain from the thoughts and worries that flooded it.

As much as he tried to silence his mind, he couldn't stop hearing his name.

Scorpius.

It echoed around as Albus attempted to block out the image of his best mate and the way his long fingers combed back through his fine touseled hair, and how the skin by his eyes creased when he laughed with that sparkling smile of his, and of course his high regal cheekbones that built his face like a Roman god. 

He'd suspected it for a while now. But like the rest of his anxieties, he'd repressed it as far away from his conscious that he could. That was until he'd been only inches from his best friend's face, lying on a bed together, practically intertwined.  Then the wound opened again, fresh as the day Albus first was struck. Now everything was flooding back to him like a tidal wave that he no longer could shelter himself from.

Albus looked up towards the stars, his eyes scanning for constellations. Scorpius loved listing off the constellations--it was the only reason why Albus managed to pass his Astronomy O.W.L. He knew that up there somewhere was Scorpius' own constellation, the grouping of stars for which his name came from. It was Scorpius who taught Albus that formation. He recalled standing on the platform the summer before their fourth year, saying his goodbyes to his best friends. Scorpius could sense Albus' misery but assured him that they would never be too far as long as the Scorpius constellation was in the sky--all Albus needed to do was look up.

Now, Albus wasn't sure if he wanted to be reminded of his best friend. It only served as a painful reminder that Scorpius was out of reach, just as the stars were above him. He could admire their beauty but only from afar. 

As he'd claimed many a time, Albus had never had a crush. He'd accepted that as fact, even when he became uncertain if that it was true. The doubts began in his third year, as puberty hit him full force. James discovered girls long before and would often talk Albus' ear off about which girl at Hogwarts he'd most want to date and what girls he thought might be into him. Albus always wondered why James came to him about that sort of thing--he'd barely talked to any girls in his year let alone fancied any of them. James expected Albus to relate but Albus never could.

 Albus always suspected he was different than James in that way--how he always seemed to prefer sneaking peeks at the photos of the Brazilian chaser, Gonçalo Flores, in his mum's Quidditch magazines instead of any of the posters of witches that James plastered on his walls once he hit puberty. But that didn't stop Albus from denying any of his feelings. Surely he just needed to meet the right person. He didn't have many friends, let alone anyone he'd ever be interested in being in a relationship with. Perhaps he just never knew what it felt like to actually fancy someone.

Whilst Albus grew older, so did his realisation that he may be wrong. And tonight confirmed that.

He did fancy someone. And he had for a while--perhaps always had. It explained the longing he felt for his friend over the long summer months. Or the desire to be physically close to him, to touch him or pull him into an embrace. Or the warm feeling in his chest that spread when he saw him smile or laugh.