Judgmental Morons

1. Just My Luck

“Sweet mother of…” I muttered, massaging my knee. I could see a pair of legs clad in jeans in front of me, which meant they were the ones responsible for the searing pain in my leg. The owner of the legs spoke out in a concerned tone, “I’m so sorry! Are you all right?”

You just hit me with what felt like an iron rod and I can barely move my legs. I’m perfect!

Instead of opting for the sarcastic reply, I just said, “I’m fine.” The guy sounded like he actually meant the apology.

“I was just in a hurry to get to class, because I just realized I’m in the wrong room. It’s my first day here, see.” The guy kept ranting about our confusing routine while I straightened up.

“Yeah, well---“ the words froze right in my mouth. I was staring into a face I knew well, one that I’d seen not too long ago. It was the face of Alex Richards.

Shit, shit, shit. What am I supposed to do? The guy thinks I’ve screwed my brother. What if he calls the police or some psychiatric facility?

“You were saying something?” he inquired. Only then I realized why his voice sounded familiar; I’d heard it before.

“I was just gonna say that you’ll grow to like the school. It’s great!” I said in an unnaturally high-pitched voice.

“If you say so…well, I should get going. Bye!” he said before turning towards the door. Just when I was about to sigh in relief, he faced me and asked, “Have I seen you somewhere before?”

“N-no I don’t think so,” I stammered. He didn’t look convinced, but after a second he just smiled and walked away.

I shook my head. Why did this have to happen to me?

*

*

*

“So that’s what I’m gonna have to deal with,” I finished telling the girls the story during lunch. Thankfully I hadn’t run into Alex after first period, but I was nervous all the same.

“This has to be the most awkward thing in the history of mankind,” Terri chortled. A death glare from me made her shut up though. “What is he even doing here?”

“Apparently his family moved in from Jersey, and he knows Jack, so he transferred to this school.” Jenna informed us.

“Wait, how does he know Jack?” Melissa asked.

“They’re family friends.” Jenna replied. Jack was Jenna’s longtime boyfriend. And by longtime I mean a frikkin long time. Ever since third grade, they’ve been in love. It was so cute when they’d pass each other valentine notes back in elementary school.

“Never mind how they know each other. What am I gonna do? I’m in a bit of a situation here. The dude thinks I’ve fucked my brother” I pointed out.

“That really is a problem,” Jenna said, “You don’t even have a brother.” The rest of us turned to give her exasperated looks. Jenna was always a bit slow, but that didn’t save her from my sarcastic comment: “Right. And that’s the biggest issue here.”

“Relax, Meg,” Melissa told me. “He’ll probably never make the connection.”

At that moment, Jack and a bunch of other guys were walking by our table. Jack stopped to say hi, and that’s when I realized Alex was with him. Before I could hide behind my burger, though, he piped up, “I’ve got it! You’re the girl from Jersey! The one who…who…” His eyes got wide at his own thoughts, and I turned to Michelle, giving her a yeah-right-he-won’t-make-the-connection look before stomping out of the cafeteria.

However, my luck being as it is, Alex had to follow.

“Wait up!” he called out as my long strides turned into a light jog. “I’m not good at running and talking at the same time!”

I wheeled around to face him. “You actually want to talk to me? After…all that stuff?” I couldn’t bring myself to mention the exact “stuff”; it was too gross.

“Well,” Alex smirked, “there’s just something about intimate relatives that sparks my curiosity.”

“Intimate relatives?!" I repeated, "That's the best you can do?" 

This provoked Alex to use the proper term for "intimate relatives" instead, which pissed me off.

“You have no right to talk to me like that, you asshole!” I continued in a low volume yet furious voice.

“Just like you had no right messing with me like that on that night, you idiot.” 

Wait…I just called him an asshole, and he retaliated with “idiot”?

“That is, if you were messing with me. There is always an off chance that you were serious…” his voice trailed off, lips curled in a grin and eyes twinkling mischievously.

I sighed in exasperation. Sooner or later I’d have to tell him the whole story anyway. So, I recounted the events of the summer, hoping that clearing things up would mean I’d never have to see him again. The dude was weird.

“So, you picked me because you thought I was a badboy-playboy-badass sorta person?” 

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot that monks had tattoos scrawled all over their arms,” I replied.

“Well did you consider—“

“Seriously dude, what is the matter with you? I just told you the whole fucking story and you’re still coming up with random questions that are annoying the shit out of me! What happened, happened. It’s weird enough for me to be in the same school with you, I don’t need to be reminded of the incident every day, okay?” 

“You curse a lot. You don’t really look like someone who curses a lot, but…”

“Did you not hear me when I asked you to fuck off twenty seconds ago?” I tried to keep my voice steady.

“Actually I did. But you see, you’re the one who messed with me and humiliated me, so you’re supposed to be apologizing instead of yelling at me, If I weren’t such an awesome, humble person, I’d make you do it in front of the whole school.” He stared straight into my eyes, but I didn’t flinch. Instead I asked in a quiet voice, “You want me to apologize?”

“Yup,” he popped the p.

I took a step closer and tilted my head back to look back into his startlingly blue eyes, and whispered, “Not a chance in hell.”