E F F E R U S

Reverie

Gabby used to tell me that my doe eyes were my most dangerous lure. That they were misleading, and that I would one day unlock the trouble below the surface. She also said that I was more dangerous than her, and that once I discovered my power I would wreak havoc on the world.

Staring at the young face in the mirror, I decide she's right. These eyes have saved some from the most perilous situations, and consequently led me to most of them as well.

In the fall of my freshman year I was struggling to gain my footing. You came and went like a tornado, sweeping me up from the ground and enveloping me in your chaos. Only after I had succumbed to your turbulent ways did you set me back down, leaving me dizzy and disoriented.

To combat this feeling, I drank. At first it was a nervous habit, a substitution for the itchy feeling you left me with. Then, it became a tornado of its own. I discovered the warmth and the security and the liberation. I was introduced to a looser Lottie- the girl who made toasts on counter tops and held eye contact with complete strangers across the room.

One cool night in October Gabby and I suited up for a Halloween party at one of the frat houses. Out of my element, I kept tugging down the short hem of the flapper costume. This was one of my first outings and seemed like more of a test than an inconsequential night out. Would this make or break me? I felt like I owed it to myself to start off on good footing.

I felt less afraid at the time because I felt confident that my presence would be dismissed. I didn't turn heads or lure people with my charm. I have always been small, and my height puts me at a real disadvantage in the dating world. I appear younger than I am, and I am often skimmed over by even the most undesirable suitors. Gabby says that dating is a game of smoke and mirrors and manipulation. That physical appearance only makes up only a small portion of the pursuit.

I didn't believe her though. I took love at its purest form. That I would know when the time came, and that love would recognize me in return. That I wouldn't have to put on a facade or play games to put a ring on my finger. Pursuer and pursued. That was the only thing I was chasing. Mr. Right would see beyond my traits that most dismiss. I wouldn't be small or unseen.

However, the night cast a spell on me. I wasn't small or unseen in the slightest. My legs appeared a mile long and seemed almost dainty in Gabby's heels. My hair was a mass of delicate curls with pins and barrettes fashioned throughout. My waist looked smaller, my breasts fuller, and my face more sultry. I was adorned with jewels and and beads and gems. My makeup was an ode to the deviousness of 20's, and the running joke was that despite my costume, I would make the prohibition proud. Assholes.

I walked into the hazy room with Bambi legs, unsure footing leading me to the drinks. Gabby disentangled from our locked arms to embrace a boy she was playing cat and mouse with. Utterly alone, I made my way over to the drink station that beckoned me like an new friend.

God, I couldn't be more out of my element.

Who was I kidding? I'd have done anything to have been back in my dorm room. I was too anti-social for events like that. I couldn't fake charm or enthusiasm if I tried. So much for the outfit.

This night was the first of many. Only now, I don't fake anything.

I stood by the drink table at a loss, basking in my discomfort. I remember thinking I deserved it.

Enter Eli. I immediately sought kinship with him. He came to me then like a life preserver, and I latched onto him like I was starving for air. He was warmth, he was wisdom, he was grace, and he was equity.

He dazzled me with his sharp tongue and quick wit, and safeguarded me like a guardian angel. We talked for the most of the night, and he became the second best investment I made as a freshman. I'm sure you'd beg to differ.