Fix Me

Chapter 1: Past

It was raining, the windshield wipers were not getting a break.

"Lana, take a left," said my older brother, James.

I rolled my eyes."There is no left James, let me drive."

"James, leave her alone. She knows what she's doing," said my mother from the passenger seat. I had just gotten my driver's license.

James kept on poking me from the back. Was there a big brother rule book out there that claimed annoying your younger sister was a must? He was driving me insane.

"Stop it! I said stop it James!" I said having enough, turning my head to glare at him, maybe rip off his finger.

"LANA!" yelled my mom. 

I  whipped back to realize I had moved to the wrong side of the road. I panicked as the approaching car's horn deafened my ears. I lost control of the car as it toppled over the side of the road tumbling down a hill. I moaned as the car stopped rolling. I think I hit my head pretty hard. I looked around me to check on my family. James seemed okay other than the blood tricking down the side of his face and the fear that consumed his expression.

My mom wasn't in her seat.  I realized the windshield was broken.

My hands started to shake as I struggled to remove my seatbelt. I stumbled out of the car unable to keep my balance. As I tried to stand up, I saw her limp body on the ground. 

"Mom!" I yelled running towards her. I shook her shoulders getting a groan from her. I let out a sigh of relief realizing she was still conscious.

"Oh my god mom, I'm so sorry," I cried.

Her bottom lip trembled. "I-I can feel my legs. I can't feel them. Oh my god. Oh my god. I can't feel my legs."

"It's going to be okay," I reached for her, but she flinched away.

"Don't touch me! Don't! Get away from me!" she said, looking at me as if I was a murderer. I almost was. I caused this. I almost killed us. I hurt her.

"James! James! Help! Please!" I yelled for my brother.

He came towards us, he looked dazed. He might have a concussion. 

"We need to get her near the road," I instructed. We needed help.

He nodded picking up our mother and carrying her up the hill back towards the road, where we were joined by an ambulance within a few minutes.

I always replayed that day every time I sat in the hospital's waiting room. It was the day everything fell apart. Word travelled quick here is Rochdale. It only took days for everyone to know what happened. What I caused. My brother and I had managed to get away with a few scratches, but my mom had lost her legs. I was lucky she didn't die, but I could never forget the way she looked at me. Like I was a monster. 

I ruined my family and I slowly ruined my life too. Other than my random panic attacks, I started to become distant from my friends until I had none. I was now that freak at school that almost killed her mom. I was a walking train wreck. 

We often went to the hospital with my mother. We hopped rehab might help her, but so far it was useless. My family became closer after the accident, but I became distant. I couldn't look them in the eye. I always went with them to the hospital, but always stood stayed in the waiting room. My mother never saw me here, but I came either way. I needed to be here.