✔ from this unending abyss (The Assassin and the Trial)「 karmagisa 」

XV. As You Lie Awake

Nagisa?”

The singerʼs figure became clearer under the rather lit night sky. His unruly crimson hair which glistened into scarlet under the moonlight, his toned build, peach lips, and the cat-like mercury-amber eyes I used to gaze at before I fall asleep. It was him, it was...

“Karma.”

My Karma, who still so out of stubbornness had made himself comfortable sitting on top of a tree despite having a bench under it.

'Stop. Donʼt submit yet. Donʼt run to him just yet,' I told myself, barely managing to hold back. I formulated a passive expression as I went near him, on the bench bestowed upon me.

A chilly silence filled the atmosphere around us. So many things untold. Too many questions left unanswered. So many secrets kept under wrapped. Too much feelings held back. All for the sake of the wasted three years— Yes, it was at this moment that it would all be unraveled.

“What are you doing here, outside of your room?” Karma genuinely questioned, but I could see his uneasiness. I didnʼt become an assassin for naught.

I decided to play along our seemingly endless charade, and replied. “The moon was full tonight, and I thought I could see it from a proper ambiance.” I stared at him intently, then asked. “I knew you were injured, but they never told me you were confined here. Are you fine?”

“Yes. A prosthetic arm was much help. I knew we would meet but I didnʼt think it would be sooner.”

A long pause followed after his answer, but I decided to stop the pretense. I canʼt take it anymore. Come to think of it, why were we speaking so formally?

“How about us? Are we fine? Will we ever be fine again?”

I wanted to ask him the questions I kept in my heart for the years I thought he was stone cold, buried six feet underground. If he had ever thought of me, and how I was coping up with the supposed loss. Why he chose to spend those three years away from me. What he was thinking, showing up in circumstances where he or all of us might actually die.

“Nagisa, I—”

“I doubted you!” I inhaled sharply. “I doubted if you really were somewhere out there and not underneath, lifeless!”

I started to think back to the times I hallucinated him being actually behind me, watching over me. Only to find out that it was the memories taking a toll on me.

“I gave you the benefit of the doubt! I trusted you to never make a fool out of me! To let the incident remain untouched, and never be recreated again!”

I realized how badly hurt I was to learn of my so-called friendsʼ betrayal. How betrayed we felt.

“I didnʼt want to see you again, in this condition! And yet you appeared in front of me, and left again for dead!”

I covered my face with my palms when I realized I was crying. I never thought I would let out this much emotion again.

“Nagi, listen to me. Please!” I felt him jump down, his arms embracing me from the back. “All this, Iʼm doing this to protect you! When our friends betrayed us, I couldnʼt accept it— not when they have hurt you! I couldnʼt let them roam free when they killed innocent lives just to justify their lust for power! I sacrificed three years, because I wanted them to repent! To what they have done to them! To you— To us!”

“I wanted to find something to ensure that even in just a little while, they treasured our bond. I wanted to lash out, to pour out my frustration on the whole thing.” Karma sighed in exasperation, gently caressing my hair. “I never meant to take this long. To put ourselves in danger just for their sake, but here we are anyway.

I donʼt believe that such 'forever' exists, so I swear that as long as we lie awake, I will stay with you.”

My tears halted as I faced him, holding out my pinky finger, as childish as it seems.

“Promise me?”

He looked at it in amusement before taking it.

“I promise.”