Sword Art Online: Tales of Aincrad

The Damaged Soul

"I have been transferred to a new school which was going to be the main topic of this entry before I got sidetracked , it's a school for all of the survivors of SAO so at least I won't be bothered by the people at my old school constantly asking me about the last two years. In fact today was actually my first day so you'll be the first to hear how my day went seeing as there isn't anyone else around for me to talk to, honestly I'm not even sure where my family is at the moment. Anyway... at first I didn't really want to go as I knew that it was only another method to return us to the way we used to be, besides, I never really enjoyed the academic side of my life before I went into SAO. But eventually I was made to go just so I could stop my parents bombarding me with orders to attend. The school isn't too far away from where I live but I have to take a short bus trip to get there, with the addition of walking to and from the bus stops it takes me about 20 minutes to get to school, where I spend roughly about six hours of my day. The building is fairly new but it is lacking in equipment for students due to its rushed opening, but there is enough for the teachers to relay the important information. The day went by quite slowly now that I think about it, all I did was sit there at my desk and listen to my teacher who droned on about what we are going to learn and what he expects from us despite the fact we have been out of education for an extended amount of time. I was glad when lunch break came as I was able to get out of the small box that we call a classroom, I ate my lunch in the cafeteria where I was able to see the other students who were not in my class. I did see a few people who I was familiar with, I only saw them as they made their way passed me and over to the tables where their friends were eating while I was seated by myself before I was joined by a small group that payed no attention to me at all. In fact, nobody in the room was noticing me, I knew that some of these people had been defeated by me when they had challenged me to a duel. But now everyone was just passing my by, not even giving me a second glance when they saw my face. I admit that when I first entered the cafeteria I was sort of expecting people to recognise me at first sight, coming over to greet me and wanting to be my friend. Although everyone in my class had their own little groups that didn't include me, I was sure that there must be someone in this school who would know who I was, who I am. But now I realise that I was only a fool, a fool for thinking that and while I sat in that cafeteria my hopes soon began to die as I watched as others around me talk happily to one another while they shared fond memories. But during that entire break, not once did anyone come to me with tales of nostalgia or any excitement of meeting the man who filled a stadium with hordes of excited players, I just sat there, eating my lunch... alone".

"The rest of the day continued in a similar fashion and I watched as the hours went by as though time itself had slowed down, by the time the bell chimed for the end of the day I almost found myself rushing out of the front gates, eager to get ways from that dull and dreary place. Although I was making the commute home by myself while my classmates traveled in their little groups, I was given the opportunity to reflect on my day and what had happened in the cafeteria, allowing me to think about why no one had talked to me or taken any notice of me at all. With all of my brain power I have been constantly thinking about why this has happened to me, why have I been forgotten? Why does nobody know who I am? Why... do the not remember the king who ruled the arena? But it's come to the stage where it's useless thinking about it now, no matter how hard I have tried I am still struggling to picture any ideas that might proved me with a form of answer. That's it... I can't talk for much longer, my fatigue is catching up to me so I am going to get some sleep. Maybe afterwards I'll have the answers, who knows".

Diary Entry Number 5: May 25th 2025, 11:42pm

"Well I can tell you now that sleeping isn't helping my problem with these questions, I've been trying this for days now and I'm still as confused as I was when I started. They are there when I wake up and still there when I go to sleep, even at school I think about them constantly and I have watch the other students interact with each other in an attempt to find the answers. It feels like these questions have turned rotten inside of my mind, it's like they are always nagging my me to find the answers that they crave. But no matter what I do the answers are never there, like I have caught myself in a loop that will NEVER END. Sorry, but these unanswered questions have been on my mind for so long I think I might go insane, no... no that won't happen. Where was I... oh yeah, every time I cannot think of the answers it feels as though the questions are not satisfied, always asking for what they desire over and over again. It's almost like they are unable to accept that there is no answer to why I have been forgotten by the other players, maybe... maybe that's how I actually feel. If only the had the answers, I could make the questions go away and put a stop to this agony. But... but it's not just during the day now, my state of mind has now progressed to the point where I am now thinking about the questions in my sleep. Some, in fact all, would call this a form of obsession, that I was fixated on the task of finding these elusive answers. It's not so much of a bad thing, the longer I think the quicker I will find the answers or something like that. But... the only downside... is the dreams".