𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑟𝑡𝑦 𝐷𝑖𝑠𝑔𝑢𝑖𝑠𝑒 || 𝐿𝑒𝑒𝑂𝑛

Chapter Twenty-One

Xion POV

Just a few days away, we were separated. All of us got separated. It was our fault. When they heard about us trying to escape, they were all shocked. They wondered why would we do such thing, but he knew, he just played dumb and acted like he didn't know and were just as equally as confused as they were. But I questioned, Why did he do it? Just, why? Later when they heard the news that they were going to get separated, they were all sad. Now, the only time that we're all together is during practices. Whereat the end of the day we're all tired and want nothing but rest after a long hard day, where we don't even want to ask each other how we're doing. Leedo and I allow to see the other members, but not each other.

Every night I break down, it's lonely and cold without him. I miss his strong arms around me, his warm body hugging me close to him every time we're together. The way how he pleased me every time we did it. The only time I get to see him is in practice, but I don't even get to go close to him because he'll just get away from me. Everything we look faces to face, I see nothing but disgust and shame. I tried so hard not to cry in front of everyone in the room when that happened. Ever since they separated us during our breaks Leedo leaves the room and just disappears, I went to look for him in every bathroom as quickly as I could but I didn't find him. I also tried texting him and found out that he changed his phone number. So many ways I tried finding a way that I can try talking to him privately but couldn't find away.

One time we all went to a nice fancy restaurant just for fun and we all day down, but I didn't notice that next to me was Leedo. I couldn't help but feel so nervous when we were looking through the menu trying to find something to eat. I decided to put one of my hands underneath the table and I laid it on top of Leedo's strong meaty thigh. He put his hand underneath the table and pulled my hand away from him, he didn't even look at me. For the rest of the diner, I felt uncomfortable being next to him. I could tell that everyone was having a great time. Keonhee was sometimes into the conversation that he didn't notice how loud he was becoming. People around us were just looking at us like they never have seen anyone with a loud voice. Sometimes, people can be so complicated for no reason.

Today in the dorm I was in the bathroom, done washing my face. I looked at the mirror for a long time, wondering what has my life become. Wondering if just because of someone, I'm going through this pain. How can someone have such a powerful impact on me? It hurts me not having him next to my side. The thought of him makes me want to break again, I just couldn't hold it back anymore. Tears start to fall down my cheek. I locked myself in the bathroom, I leaned against the wall falling down, covered my face, and started crying. I heard someone knocking on the door and moving the doorknob. Then I heard Ravn telling me to open the door but I was too weak to even move. I was just so tired and sad, I'll just close my eyes and sleep on this cold.

I ran up to him, hugging him from the back. I never knew this day will come so soon. Every time I'm with him I feel a strong sense of protection that I don't get from anyone else. But this time, it felt different. I let go of him and back away, Leedo turns around and looks at me.

"What do you want?" He said in an aggressive tone. I just looked at him, I didn't know how to respond. Why is he so mean to me all of a sudden? He loves with me, I don't know why he's treating me like this.

"Leedo, what's your problem?" I didn't want wanted to cry anymore, I wanted to yell at him. To tell him how much pain he caused me. But I needed to act calm and hear what he has to say.

"I don't love you anymore. What don't you get? I tried giving you all the hints that I can and you still don't get the message. I moved on, just like you should. At night I think back at all of the moments we had together, it disgusts me. I regret calling you my lover. I'll say it one in a way that makes it even clearer so you'll understand. Move on." He turned around and started walking away. I wanted to call out his and but I didn't want to annoy him anymore. He really hates me. What went wrong with the both of us? I tried to snap out of it and call out his name, but I couldn't. I didn't want this to be true. He turns around and starts walking away slowly, I wanted to walk next to him, but my body didn't want to move. I just stood there, letting the man I love to go. All of a sudden I feel something shaking me. I don't know where it's coming. I look around to find the source of it but nothing. Then I hear someone calling out my name, it wasn't the voice of Leedo. It sounded very familiar, it goes black all of a sudden.   

Someone wraps their arms around me, no longer feel the ground. I feel uncomfortable I try to see who it is but the bright lights blocks me from doing so.

"Who is it?" I whisper.

"It's my Ravn, don't worry about it."

I was able to barely only open one of my eyes, but when I did I saw his face full of concern. Ravn gently places me on the bed, lays down next to me then gently starts caresses my cheek. I couldn't help but feel emotional again, I hadn't had any sort of affection I couldn't help but feel loved and good taken care of.  I just laid there and enjoyed it.

"Xion, what happened? Why were you on the floor?"

I wanted to cry but didn't have any more tears. I stared at him, I didn't know how to say it. I was afraid of getting judged. We were like that for a few seconds until he got closer and hugged me. Ravn started playing with my hair. 

"Xion, do you miss Leedo? Is that why you're sad." I nodded my head, he said nothing.

"Tell me Xion without hesitation, I'll listen to you." Finally, someone who cares about my feelings, someone who actually asks me how I'm doing. I wanted to say so much but I couldn't think about how I should start it. I first tell him about what happened to us when everyone else was gone, then tell him about how got caught by then we tried to escape. And I apologize because of our selfish act we broke up the whole group. I tell him about my feelings for him and how big of a jerk he has become, and how he also has feelings for me, or "had" feelings should be the word. How much I miss him. I sighed once I finished telling him everything. All Ravn could do was just hug me. It was silence but I didn't mind. I felt relief telling him, I no longer feel alone even though I just told.

"Xion can you tell you something?" I thought that he was going to give me advice on how I should handle this situation with him so I told him yeah.

"I always knew that there was something going on between the two of you."