Razzle Dazzle

9. Real Man

Dysphoria, cursing, slurs
Ash's POV

"You really should go out." Alison told me. I stared blankly at the television. My eyes were glazed over. I hadn't eaten a lot and I hadn't gone outside in a few days. Zara was such an amazing girlfriend. She seemed to understand that I needed space and she didn't push me. She didn't try to force us back to the way were and she didn't lash out. She really was perfect, but I couldn't forgive her for what she did.
"Ash, honey, she was, like, seven." Alison told me sadly, holding a cup of hot tea to her chest.
I didn't reply. I just stood up and walked to the bathroom. When I didn't shut the door, Alison followed me. I opened the drawer and took out a pair of hair scissors. Who the hell keeps scissors in their bathroom? One might ask. A person who doesn't go to a hair salon.
Without hesitation, I pinched a lock of hair between my pointer and middle fingers and cut off a chunk of it. With a slight sigh, Alison took the scissors from me and began cutting my hair better than I would have been able to.
When my hair was short enough, I unwrapped my bandages. The scars were almost completely faded, except for the newer ones.
"Maybe I'll just wear a sweatshirt instead." I said quietly. Alison smiled.
"Y'know? I was thinking." I said. "I want to start on testosterone."
Alison studied my face for a bit. "Really? I can't pay for that." She warned.
"I know. I was hoping you could help me get started while I get on my feet, then I can move out and take over the payments myself. I could even pay you back when I get the money." Alison patted my head.
"That's not a bad idea, brother."
I laughed.
-
Surprisingly, I got a job within a week. I worked at a small bookstore that had a little coffee shop next door. Unfortunately, it had some pretty unpleasant people working there.
"So, are you some dyke, or are you tying to be a man?" My coworker, Aaron, asked me.
I flipped him the finger and took the cart to shelve books.
"Hey girl, I can deal with the short hair and the flat chest. You wanna go out?" He said.
Bipolar ass.
"Fuck off." I told him. Aaron wrapped his arms around me.
"I can treat you better than any man." He told me.
"Well you aren't doing a very good job of showing me." I told him. "And I'm a man, so go away."
"Fucking tranny." He said, stepping back. I elbowed him in the ribs.
"Aaron Keeley, leave Ash alone!" Our boss, Mrs. White called. She tossed a book at him and it smacked him in the side of the head.
I smiled at her and went to unlock the door, leaving Aaron on the floor where he'd fallen.
"I'm sorry people treat you like that, dear." New. White told me. She was a short woman with short grey hair and bright blue eyes. She was very understanding about my situation and let me work as long as I wanted. I didn't have set hours, as long as I came in for at least two hours every weekday, she was happy.
"It's alright. As soon as I can afford testosterone, I'll be viewed as more of a man." I told her, putting the books in their spots on the shelves.
"Oh, you don't need to take that to be a man. You already are one." Mrs. White told me with a smile. "You May have been born with the wrong genitals, but you have always been a man."
I grinned, then went to the counter when someone came in.
"Why is there a dude on the floor?" The person asked. He had shaggy blonde hair and green eyes hidden behind circular glasses. He wore an oversized white sweater and his nails were painted white.
"Oh, he was being rude to Ash, so I put him in his place." Mrs. White told him happily. She walked to him and put her arm around him. "Ash, this is my grandson Claude. He moved here from Marseilles five years ago, but only decided to live here with me last year."
"I moved around a lot." Claude mentioned. I nodded.
"I'm Ash." I told him.
Two girls walked in chatting quietly and I focused on them.
-
"Hey Ash," Claude called when I took a lunch break a bit before noon.
"Yes?" I replied, sipping coffee from next door.
"I, uh, I need help. Grand-mére is wonderful, but..."
"I get it." I told him. I sat up straighter in my seat.
"What's up?"
"Well, um, I'm looking for something for someone in particular and I don't really know what to get him."
"Who?"
"His name is Levi Miller. I like him a lot and I wanted to get him a book because he seems to like reading a bit."
I raised my eyebrows. "That Levi is best friends with my girlfriend." The word felt wrong in my mouth. "You came to the right person."
Claude looked surprised that I knew the person he was talking about.
I stood up and took him out to the store. "Levi likes sci-fi, historical fiction, and horror." I told him. Claude blushed a little bit. I didn't ask why.
"He did mention The Girl at Midnight one time. I assume you were the boy that recommended it to him?"
Claude nodded.
"He really likes you." I told him. "He just... has a traumatic past." I told him.
"Yeah, Voltron and all that." Claude said. "He told me about it a few nights ago."
I picked out a few books. "Levi might like these." Claude thanked me and took the books to the counter, where he proceeded to argue with Mrs. White over whether or not he needed to pay.
I laughed to myself. They would make a good couple.

1007 words

I wrote this in church while I was listening to kids sing. This is becoming a pretty cool story.