unconditional (BOOK #2) [TO BE PUBLISHED]

Chapter 76 - Russell POV

Would she rather me lie? I don't see the point when it's the truth... Angel brings more to my life than I could ever bring to her in the long term. I'm nothing compared to her, people are after her, think of her so highly, which I have only seen the bad of their actions but Declan, Gabriel... those men that he brought with him – they thought of her as a gift. As something special, not that I needed someone else to tell me just how special she was. I knew that already.

I had been thinking of what Gabriel said from the beginning about Angel. The relationship we have, what was possible, how it all felt. It hit me hard the things he was explaining that I had been fighting, pushing away, and hell bent on ignoring it. Feeling bad, dirty and downright guilty for thinking some things, questioning what little things meant. The energy I feel when she's around me, the connection I felt... in my arms, the hum that sometimes wrapped around us. It was a big thing, her feelings for me, but... I wouldn't – couldn't force myself to see her differently overnight, but that didn't mean I thought Angel unattractive, she was a beautiful girl; better on the inside than any human being I knew. I had settled in my mind – angrily so – that it didn't matter to those men that her mind hadn't grown with her body.

Her mind... that concerned me. Mattered to me.

Regardless of her current feelings, I was no better than those men that hurt her before. In hindsight I had been hurting Angel for months with my actions with Amara. Now though, knowing how she felt, and all the things I didn't know, whether she were what the news was calling a beast, I'd still be there, I wouldn't abandon her or my child. She gave my life purpose, seeing the world the way she interacted with it, it didn't matter that she couldn't speak, and we connected on a level deeper than language.

As I sat back and listened to the repeated news segment, waiting eagerly so for the statement from the president they were preparing for, my mind went further down the rabbit hole, minus the panic. 'How could no one be helping or even looking for her? Angel, someone so precious... so innocent,' I thought when I Declan and I first found her, wondering how not a soul was searching for her. Declan had reminded me that people like them, they couldn't be searched for the normal human way. 'Her family was looking for her...' he had said cryptically but that didn't blanket my anger.

They weren't looking hard enough, I told myself despite remaining silent. Then I experienced losing her for myself... being trapped by the rules or laws individuals like Catalena, Declan and Angel were governed by – unable to seek help.

My mind wandered specifically to when Amara and Darren's parent died in the fire, what Declan had said, the plans that I had changed, our family had changed. Ten years ago. 'I knew dreamt you'd lead me to her so I stuck around you,' Declan said a few moments ago. He's been searching for Angel since then... we were all supposed to go to Europe two months after that fire. Darren and Amara, the Evans weren't coming, Declan had fronted the whole bill, and it wasn't out of the ordinary though, even when we furiously declined. Our parents didn't want him to feel that we only accepted him when he spent money on trips and other gifts, but he knew he'd only find Angel when I was around.

After the Evans died, we canceled the trip for Amara and Darren – mom didn't think it was the right time – they weren't in the mood for traveling and we wouldn't leave them on their own. Declan had sought me out privately trying to convince me, begged me to come along... my parents had left the decision up to me. They told me that they didn't like the idea of Declan traveling alone, any more than they fancied the alternative of either leaving Darren and Amara behind or taking them along. Not having the financials to even take them along unless Declan fronted their tickets as well... something he never once suggested doing. Because Amara would be in the way, I thought the truth I hadn't seen before.