Tegan : morning
Riley : seeing joe gotta run
Tegan : oh ok
Dad : and im off to work
Tegan ; ok
Roley : bye
She goes
Dad : call jonah get him round and tell him
Tegan : hes litrally gonna hate me and then probley start freaking out cause hes now gonna be a dad to 2 kids by 2 diffrent people
Dad ; then he needs to learn to wrap up
Tegan : right go before your late I'll call Jonah
Dad : good luck
Tegan ; thanks
He goes and i get my phone messaging jonah
Tegan : hey what u doing ?
Jonah : nothing why
Tegan : can u come round we need to talk
Jonah : sure I'll be there 10 minutes
Tegan : thanks
I put my phone down and i go to the kitchen getting a class of water trying to calm myself down . Breathing in and out and then the door goes
Tegan : oh fuck
I go to answering it
Tegan : hi
Jonah : u ok
Tegan ; yh fine do u want anything water coffee food
Jonah : no im good why am i here
Tegan : u can go if u want im not keeping u here
Jonah : no what it is
Tegan : your gonna hate me
I look up
Jonah : im sure i won't
Tegan : u will
Jonah : tell me
Tegan : i never went throw with the abortion im still pregnate with your child and im sorry i lied to u but i was still so pissed off with every thing and u .
Jonah ; your still....pregnate
Tegan : yh
Jonah : you've been lying to me
Tegan ; im sorry
Jonah : u made me think u had an abortion for over a month i blamed myself . I thought u had it because u hated me
Tegan ; look i was gonna have it i went there i got all prepped and then before they done anything i said stop . I knew if i went throw with it i coudent live with myself and in that moment in time i did hate u i told u i would of gone on with life pretending like u didn't exist. But i pushed everything aside because i am carry our baby
Jonah ; i-i need to go i need to think
Tegan ; i understand just i have a scan tomrrow at the hospital 12 o'clock your welcome to come .
Jonah : thanks
He walks out and i sit down covering my face
Tegan : god sake
I get up walking out the door and i walk around for ages until i end up at my mom grave .
Tegan ; i know i haven't come to visit u in a long time I've just been bussie and i know thats not an exscuse im just sorry . But i need help i need u i need my mom im so scared i don't know what to do anymore . I don't know if im ready for a baby the whole responsibility of looking after anther human i can barley look after myself . And your probley looking down at me thinking im a disappointment im 18 im still a teenager and i got knocked up . Im disappointed in myself but i need help i need a sign from u saying everything will be alright
I sit here ages carrying on thinking until i leave and i go to bellas
Tegan ; hi
Bella : hi
Tegan : how u been
Balla ; I've been good hella tired but good u
Tegan ; yh im good just need somewhere to escape for a few hours
Bella : well your welcome here
Tegan ; thank u
Bella ; wanna talk
Tegan : no i just wanna chill
Bella : i was alredy doing that
Tegan : good
We sit down
Tegan : whats it like living alone
Bella : i get lonely but u have your own space and u can do what ever u want why
Tegan : im thinking of moving out of my family house i want my own space
Bella ; move in with me
Tegan ; no this is your place and i want my own space
Bella : u can like i said it gets lonely
Tegan : i don't even know yet if i want to move out
Bella ; well your welcome here weither thats if u move in or u stay with me for a few days
Tegan : thank u but if u get lonely u can come to mine aswell
Bella : thanks plus when your alone u get stuck in your owm thoughts and sometimes the thoughts aren't nice
Tegan ; like dark stuff
Bella ; sometimes
Tegan : thats not good bella
Bella ; don't worry I've been to doctors i speak to tom about it all im all good
Tegan : u can talk to me when ever day or night i don't tend to sleep much anyway
Bella ; thank u but im good
Tegan : im just saying
Bella : why aren't u sleeping
Tegan : a lot of thinking goes on
Bella ; im here to talk
Tegan : thanks
Bella : right food
Tegan : Chinese
Bella : defantly
We order the Chinese food
Tegan : after we've eaten i better go
Bella ; ok
Tegan : u can stay at mine if u don't want to be alone but i have something at 12 and then i have a work
Bella : I'll be fine here plus me and tom are going out tomrrow
Tegan : what u doing
Bella : were going to the mountains for a hike
Tegan : sounds nice
Bella ; yh were having an us day
Tegan : jelouse your gonna be hiking having a good time and im stuck at work
Bella : but then your helping people u push people to surgry bring them stuff
Tegan : i also take peoples bodys to the morgue babys children young people old people.
Bella ; it must be hard i know but u do other stuff
Tegan : yh
Bella : just think of the money
Tegan : im not doing it for the money
Bella : well ok
Tegan : im weird
Bella : that u are
I let out a little laugh
Bella : im shatterd i can't wait for sleep
Tegan : im tired like always but can't sleep
Bella ; try lisening to calming music
Tegan ; ok
The door then goes and she gets the door and then we eat
Tegan : right i better go sleep well u tired money
Bella : weirdo
Tegan : bye
Bella ; bye .
I walk out the door and i walk hone
Tegan : hello human beings
Dad : hi
Tegan : riley here
Dad : joes
Tegan : i told Jonah he seemed pissed and i think he hates me but oh well
Dad : oh well
Tegan : well not that but still
Dad : ok
Tegan : im gonna go bed try sleep and relax cause i have a long ass day tomrrow
Dad : ok
I walk to the bathroom brushing my hair and teeth and i walk out going to my room and i get in my pjs and i get in bed
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