The Life of Leah Clearwater (Book Two)

Chapter 45 - Being truthful is terrifying

I grin, "If only you knew," smiling, "hey sis," I follow her in but sit at the other end of the sunroom to give her privacy, "how are you?" I ask.

I smile, "I'm great, and you. You're fine you can sit closer, I'm covered. It's more or less to keep me warm. I get chilly, plus it helps him focus." I gently stroke his back.

I move a bit closer, "I can't buy that Leah, I know you have good days and bad days but you can't hide it from me, something is eating you alive, twisting your soul, I'd like to know, I'd like to help."

I look at her, "I have a few years left in my twenties. That's when I'm supposed to be traveling. Seeing the world. Enjoying exotic foods. Then in my thirties settle down, have kids."

"Ah," moving closer, "plans that didn't quite work out the way you planned huh?" I pat her knee gently.

I look at Ara, "Phasing freezes the body. Why didn't I phase for six years. Someone must have known this would have happened."

"Maybe you're body clocked off? Decided to resume it's normal thing? Hun I have no idea, maybe we could do some research later in the week?" I smile.

I look at her, "This can't leave the room. Hunter thinks I'm happy, and I love being a mother." Rose knocked on the door frame, "I can take him if you want?" She looked at Ara.

I cross my heart with my finger, "I swear it will never leave my lips." Sighing, "Sometimes we're so confused because plans didn't work out," kissing her cheek, I look between Rose and Leah, "only if you'd like to Rose, no pressure."

I bit my lip so hard, trying to not cry. Rose caught the scent in the air, before she saw it, "Oh God Leah. Stop hun." She quickly disappeared grabbing a wet wash cloth, and bringing it back. I'm starting to tremble. Sebastian just doesn't feel connected with me." Rose handed the wash cloth to Ara, "Please don't bite your lip again. I'm not hungry, but it means you've hurt yourself."

The scent of blood drifts by my nostrils, I close my eyes trying not to throw up, "Oh hunny, please don't cry." Rose hands me the washcloth, "Thanks. Can you take him for a bit?" Rose nods and takes Sebastian. "We'll be ok Rose, promise." She smiles and walks out, I huddle up to Leah and put my arm around her, "The connection is there, it's just slow coming."

"He seems to like Hunter better. I'm just not meant to be a mom. It's stupid to think I could be a mom." I start to cry, and curl up.

"Leah, they've bonded, you're sad and angry that the connection isn't there, no its not stupid, you're gonna do great." Rubbing my temple, "Don't throw this opportunity away, keep trying, little steps make great progress." I'm saddened to see her so defeated.

I look at Ara, "I can't nurse him anymore. It's just so painful. Even pumping is horrible. They say, oh you should do it because it's good for him." I swallow, and look at her, "I just thought it would be easier. You see these other mom's who are so energetic, and full of life. I'm tired."

I stare into her eyes, "Then don't. Switch to formula." Growling a little, "Although it is good for him, you also have to do what is best for you," hugging her, "they haven't gone through all the heartache and pain you've been through."

I hug her back, "Do we have to tell Hunter? I know he knows something is wrong. I feel like," it catches my breath, and I'm afraid to say it.

"Not yet we don't," I prompt her, "please finish." I rub her shoulder.

"Ever since the bites, I've felt different. I felt weak. I was over powered. I was created to destroy them, and yet I was bit by one." The nausea is eating at me.

"It's probably psychological but there again I'm not you," laying down next to Leah, "they saw the advantage and took it, if you weren't pregnant, it would have been a new ball game," I can tell she feels sick, "take a deep breath, you won."