Kiss Me

Walk With Me

Of course the snow had to come a day late, didn't it? I suppose winter is meant to be unpredictable, but, still. It could have worked out just this once, couldn't it?

Well, it doesn't matter anymore. Christmas had come and gone just as it did every year. Now, it was back to our normal lives as far as I was concerned. Well, at least for the Avengers it was. For me, I was still figuring out who I was all those years ago and who I plan to become in the future.

Tonight, as it turned out, became a sort of stepping stone for me (and us). I asked Steve if we could go out and get dinner and, much to my surprise, he agreed. Hell, he even made the dinner reservations.

"Ready to go?" He asked as he walked into the room, adjusting something under his suit jacket.

"You bet," I replied with a smile. "D'you need help with, uh..."

"Yea, it's my suspenders," he told me. "They're not clicking in the front like they're supposed to."

I walked over to him and pulled the jacket out of the way. I bent over and clasped the suspenders to the front of his dress pants. "Why're you even wearing suspenders? I mean, jeez, it's 2014."

"For the memories, of course," he explained. "I don't know, they just seem to take me on a trip through time and through our past."

"Ah, got it," I replied shortly. I didn't want him to know that he'd really affected me with that one. I felt my brain flood with memories of the same thing I had just done, just with a smaller man who was, really, just the same. I remembered the good times I had messing with him and telling him that maybe if he'd just eat some real food he wouldn't need the damn things. Now, though, as they clung to his tight button up shirt, I couldn't help but think of things a little less innocent.

With that, we were gone. We each grabbed our winter coats and headed down the elevator worry free, having told the others that we were going to go to bed early.

"You know, I really do like the man bun," Steve said to me out of the blue as we walked out of the building and straight onto East 45th Street.

"Really?" I asked, unsure. "I wasn't all that confident in the decision as I was making it."

"No, I really like it. Like, really really."

"Alright," I conceded. "I guess I can try it more often, then."

We decided to walk (yes, in the snow) to the restaurant because, despite the weather, it wasn't even all that cold. We talked the whole while too, mostly about nothing. Honestly, I was hoping he would grow a pair and just hold my Goddamn hand already instead of being boring and just being there to walk with me. Unfortunately, he never did, but maybe in the future he might. Maybe he was afraid he'd be recognized as Captain America out here in public and that he'd be disowned for being gay with the man who tried to assassinate him? God, that really does sound insane, doesn't it?

Once we arrived at the place (which was only a few blocks away), we were immediately seated at a table for two, thanks to the fact that we'd had reservations since this morning.

As we entered the dining area, I watched him as an imaginary weight seemed to lift off of his shoulders. I looked over at what he was zoned in on and it was two people holding hands. No, not only that, but it was actually two men similar to our biological ages.

Steve smiled at me and I smiled back. I hoped that this small encounter might help him loosen up and realize that it's all okay. That being like this - that loving me - is normal and natural.

I just want to be free especially after all those years of solitude and confinement and mind control and I imagine he feels the same way, for different reasons (of course). I just hope that the fact that the laws have changed for the better are enough to void his worries.

I hope he doesn't feel alone in this because that's the last thing I want. I know what that feeling Is like and, trust me, it's terrible and terrifying. I need him to remember that he really is stuck with me until the end of, frankly, everything. By whatever means necessary.

However long it takes.

~ James_BuchananBarnes ~