Demons are Hot (bxb)

Chapter Two

Cyrus' POV

"Can you at least tell me your name before I buy you an outfit?" I whined to my new companion.

My new companion sighed judgmentally, which was his favorite hobby, and rolled his eyes. "My name is Theodore Dominguez. Well, that is the earthly name I have chosen for myself. My birth name does not translate from its demonic origins."

Ah. Yes, those pesky demonic birth names.

"...Okay, so like do you want a t-shirt and jeans or are you a more formal kind of guy?"

Judging by Theo's irritated look, he did not know or care. I decided to step away from the bushes and enter the TJ Maxx. Part of me wanted to pick out a ridiculous outfit for the guy who could light himself on fire, but I figured it was best to not anger him. I ended up picking a white t-shirt and jeans that looked about right.

When I returned to Theo, he was carefully picking leaves from a nearby bush and putting them into his mouth. He gave me a quizzical look. "Is this your food source?"

I took a deep breath and considered, very seriously, picking up my phone and calling the police. "I'm going to ask you only one more time," I said evenly. "Are you positive you haven't done any drugs recently?"

"Stop asking me that, worthless human!"

I tossed the clothes at his face and he caught them with catlike reflexes. "There," I said. "You can get dressed now."

Theo stared at the clothes in his head wearily. "And you are certain this is step one to world domination?"

"I'm certain it will keep you out of prison."

I stepped away from the bush and tried to ignore Theo's irritated growls and snorts of anger. At one point he murmured, "Grandfather damn it" and I debated running away as fast as I could.

...Which would not have been fast.

"I think I'm done," Theo said, voice filled with endless irritation.

I turned around and facepalmed.

The idiot had his arms through the pantlegs and the shirt was lying discarded onto the dirt besides him.

"This is a joke," I decided. "I'm being pranked by my friends." Theo scowled. "If not, you're on copious amounts of drugs. That's gotta be it, right?"

"...Is this not the correct way to wear clothes?"

My phone vibrated and I sighed in relief. I quickly explained to Theo how his clothes were supposed to go and then answered my cell. "Blue? Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. ...I met this seriously weird guy."

Theo scowled. He didn't look intimidating with a shirt hanging off his head like an ugly hat. I mimed pulling it down further and he obeyed.

"Wait, what does that mean?" Blue asked. "Like, you met a boy? At church?"

"...Not in the way you're thinking. Why don't I bring him over once I get him settled in? Um, I have no idea what to do with him."

"You're making absolutely no sense."

"I promise I'll explain when I get there." I hung up and sighed with relief when I saw that Theo had his shirt on correctly. "Oh, thank God."

Theo wrinkled his nose. "God has nothing to do with it. Don't add to his ego."

"...Okay, dude."

Theo picked up his pants and put them on correctly. Thank not God, apparently.

"So, can you give me a little background on yourself?" I asked wearily. "You know. What makes Theo Desmosis tick?"

"Dominguez."

"...Right."

"I am Lucifer's son and a Prince of Hell," he boasted. "I am the antichrist, born to lay waste to Jesus Christ. I was not supposed to come to the realm of the living so soon, but my father and I had a bit of a falling out."

I was going to have a heart attack. My blood pressure was way too high. Why were there four of him?

"Yeah?" My voice was an extremely high pitch. "Cool."

Theo went on ruthlessly. "He was acting ridiculous. I explained to him my sexual preferences—"

"You know, as you do, with parents," I grumbled, a weird ringing in my ears way louder than anything that Theo Dominici was saying.

"He was opposed to my male preferences!" Theo snapped. "He told me that my grandfather would be ashamed, so I am planning on harming his precious little humans. Father thinks I'm a liar, but I am quite sure that I am only attracted to the male genitalia. He's simply mad that I will not mate with a greater demon and create the perfect being to eradicate mankind."

I nodded along absently. "Got it. Yup. Parents are cray."

Theo whirled on me in rage. "What does cray mean? Explain, human."

"You have the most affectionate nicknames," I mumbled. "I'm sorry, what the fuck? You're like a demon?"

"Of course."

"Like Satan's son?"

"Naturally."

"Sent to kill Jesus?"

Theo rolled his eyes. "No, idiot mortal. I am not sent to kill Jesus. I was born to kill Jesus, but that time is far from now. I ran away from my father in a fit of rage."

"...You ran away from home," I clarified, now hoping that this was a huge acid trip. "Because your dad, Satan himself, said that you being gay was a phase."

Theo snapped his fingers, like the thought had never occurred to him. "A phase! Yes, those were his words exactly."

"I'm sorry, I lied before," I blurted. "I have to ask again. ...Are you absolutely, beyond any reasonable doubt, positive that you haven't consumed any drugs recently? And I mean completely certain!"

"Oh, great Hell! Yes!"

The second Blue answered her door, I gestured frantically at Theo. "Help me please. Help. What is going on. I need alcohol, which I have never drank before, but I think it's supposed to help in times like these."

Blue blinked and held out her hand. "Um, hi. Sorry about my friend, he's weird. I'm Blue. And you are?"

Theo looked at her hand like it was a personal insult to him. "I would never stoop so low as to touch a human. Your fragile kind has diseases."

Blue blinked and dropped her hand. She made eye contact with me and nodded. "Now I get it. Okay, bring in the crazy dude."

-

Theo is an odd muffin. Hope y'all are enjoying it so far!