...I run as fast as I can to the beach. It's still early so there isn't anyone there yet. I quickly take off my shoes and put my socks and phone inside of them and run into the water. I keep going until the water wraps itself around my neck. I stand there bathing in my brokenness. It's over, I think to myself. I feel as the water slowly crashes against my neck. I duck my head under water and lift my feet off the sand. I feel as the water pulls me around and my clothes try to weigh me down. I resurface the water and feel tears come to my eyes.
I run back out of the water, but now I have a sense of calmness about me. I pick up my shoes and phone and walk back to my house slowly. When I get there, the front door is still open. I stand in front of the doors with tears falling down my face. Dad sees me and quickly goes to get a towel for me. When he comes back I drop my shoes and phone onto the decking and wrap myself in the towel. My knees become weak and I fall to the ground and cry harder.
"I miss him," I say under my shallow breathing.
"What do you mean Katharine?" Dad says softly with his hand on my shoulder.
"Emma... James..." I say breathlessly, "she was at his house when I was just there, and that photo I showed you this morning, I miss him dad, I didn't want to let him go."
"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry," Dad says again.
"It's... it's ok," I mumble.
"No, no, it's not, hey, let's go inside, and you can have a shower and I'll make you a coffee?" Dad suggests.
I nod and grab my phone and shoes. I walk up to the upstairs bathroom and step into the shower, when I get out, I wrap myself in a fresh, warm towel and walk sadly to my bedroom. I slide into some comfy sport shorts, and a baggy comfy shirt. When I go downstairs, dad is sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hands, and another on the coffee table. I sit down next to him and sip the warm coffee in silence. Tears continue to fall down my face.
"I don't want to let him go dad," I say softly.
"I know darling, but if he's going to continue to do these kind of things, you need to," he replies softly.
"I know, but he means the world to me, I grow attached to things too quickly, and when I have to let things go, I can't because I'm too attached, that's why I kept on giving him chances," I reply.
"It's ok, people are allowed to be attached to things," he says.
I don't say anything more. I finish the cup of coffee and stand up and walk up to my bedroom. I collapse onto my bed and pick up my phone. I see a text from Emma spread across my screen.
Emma: I'm really sorry Katharine, I really am. I didn't realise how badly It would hurt you, I'm sorry. I guess I was jealous because I always liked James, and to know that my best friend got him made me really upset. I'm sorry, please forgive me?
Me: You made my boyfriend cheat of me Emma, and to know that you were my best friend, what am I to you? A joke? And it wouldn't hurt me this bad? What the actually fucking hell?
Emma: Katharine! I'm really sorry! I actually am!
I leave her on seen. What the actual hell? My best friend and my boyfriend. More like my ex best friend and my ex-boyfriend I guess. I stand up and crawl out of my window and climb down onto the ground. I walk down the street to the local Starbucks. When I get there, I order and get my drink and sit down outside. I slowly sip my drink, and then James walks down the street and sees me. He walks over to me and sits down in front of me and sighs. My heart starts to beat out of my chest.
"Katharine," he starts, "you don't get it do you? I tried to explain!"
"You cheated on me with my best friend James!" I cry.
"Yeah and!?" He demands.
"You cheated on me! Cheated!" I yell.
He stands up and grabs me from under my shoulders. I scream and people look over at us, but no one helps me. He throws me against the ground and I let out a cry of pain. He then kicks me and picks me back up and throws me against a wall.
"There you go, if you want to blow this up, I will to," James says and then walks away.
I start crying and stand. I stumble weakly back over to the table. I grab my phone and drink and stumble slowly back home slowly. Why is this happening to me? I think to myself. He loved me, I know he did, we've been together for three years and now this? Why? I think back to the first day of him and I, we were so innocent, so young. I remember our first date, we went to see a movie together but he lost his phone and we never ended up seeing the movie because we were trying to find it. But it wasn't bad, we were having the time of our lives, and when we found it again we were both so relieved. And I remember the first night of all of this mess, when he broke into our house.
But why did he do that? I wonder. I stumble through the gate to our house and as I slowly shuffle through the garden I get sprayed by the sprinkler, which only manages to bring back the memory of him and I rolling around on the grass together under the sprinkler. Back when he cared, back when he wasn't sure. But now he is sure, he's sure that he wants to lose me, and he sure knows how he's going to do that. He has it all planned out.
"Where were you Katharine! We were worried sick!" Mum cries as I walk in the door.
She rushes over to me and wraps her arms around me. But I collapse onto the ground in tears. She kneels down in front of me and puts her hands on my shoulders.
"Tell me everything," she whispers softly...
