Oh, So Now You Want Me?

Chapter Twenty-Two

Did it really matter that I couldn't say anything? No, not at all.

Nodding firmly I smiled, "I promise."

* * *

My heart raced and my palms were moist. Why I was so nervous I didn't understand. Maybe it was being alone with Jude again, maybe it was the fact I would meet his mom for the first time though I'm not sure why that would be so important to me. I wanted her to like me and I didn't know why.

Not to mention the strangest sensation of excitement building up in my stomach that I couldn't explain. My wolf on the other hand was tucked inside herself. She didn't like that I had chosen to come with Jude, but it wasn't the normal battle she usually put up. In fact, she just seemed a little sad.

"Are you sure this is okay? I know you and Mason aren't exactly on the best of terms." Jude gave me a sideways glance. At first I didn't understand what he was trying to say, why was he bringing Mason up?

I could almost feel my wolf's ears prick at the mention of her mate and that's when it hit me.

Jude lived with Mason.

It was times like this I wanted to be one of those people who could jump from a moving car and still live. My heart rate instinctively picked up and the bubble of pure lust and want for Mason fired up inside of me. Seeing him wasn't exactly ideal right now, but I couldn't let Jude down. I had promised him I would help, I wanted to and I'd be damned in anything was going to stop me.

"We're okay now." I admitted. "We're..." I trailed off not knowing what to say. To be honest I wasn't entirely sure what had happened with Mason, I knew we were friends now, but I wasn't sure how that happened.

From the first time I met him and being rejected to sitting in a diner and eating desert as if it was an everyday occurrence wasn't what I thought would happen. Hell, I didn't even think we could have a normal conversation without running our mouths at each other.

I hadn't realized I had stopped mid sentence until Jude prompted me. "You're... what?"

"We're good, we're friends." I confirmed. "It's not like we're going to be hanging out every weekend, but we did spend the whole day together today and we didn't argue, that's a good thing right?"

Jude gave a short laugh, "Of course it's a good thing, you guys are mates." Even though the words he spoke were positive, I couldn't help but wonder whether the slight undertone to his voice was... sadness? No, it couldn't be. I know we kissed, but neither of us had mentioned it since, so it was obviously nothing.

My wolf, though still not happy with how close I was to Jude, still felt a pang of rejection. We both did.

"Harper?" Jude glanced over to me. Had he said something? "I said is that what you want?"

Is what, what I want? It took me a moment to realize he was taking about Mason. Nodding, I smiled at the memory of Mason and I playing in the woods, "Yeah, it's nice."

The flashing glow of the passing street lights lit up his face and that's how I saw that look again, only this time it wasn't just sadness there, it was pity. Why did Jude pity me? Did he know something I didn't? "I'm happy for you pretty girl, just be careful with that little heart of yours. It's too precious to be given away and broken."

At first I didn't understand what he meant by that, then it hit me what I must have sounded and looked like. "No, no, no that's not what I meant. We're okay, but we're not in any kind of relationship, well except a friendship. I meant it's nice not to feel the pain I felt, not to be constantly arguing with my wolf. She's not with me as much as she used to be, before the whole Mason thing."

I don't know why I was spilling all of this to Jude, but it just wouldn't stop.

"She doesn't speak to me much anymore, she doesn't do anything anymore, it just feels as if she curls herself up inside of me and shuts down. Even when she's near Mason's wolf, she's not the same. There are still things there, feelings and emotions, but I don't know whether they're mine or hers anymore." Unshed tears filled my eyes, "I miss her Jude."

Hurriedly wiping my eyes, I cleared my throat. "God, I'm sorry this must be so boring for you to listen to." I tried to laugh, but anyone with a brain could tell it was forced.

"It's not boring Harper," Reaching over Jude enveloped one of my hands in his and rested it on my thigh. "She's hurt and broken right now. All wolves live for are their mates and hers has been taken from her, she just doesn't know what to feel." Sighing heavily, his eyes flashed to me momentarily, "That'll all change though pretty girl. When you're in heat, fully in heat I mean, she'll be closer to the surface than ever, but you have to control her. You have to push her back unless you want to mate with him."

Ah, the dreaded heat. "No, I don't want that. Emma thinks I should and probably anyone who knew my story would think the same, but I can't just forget what happened, I can't forget how much he hurt me. It wasn't only once, I could have forgiven that, but it felt as if he was punishing me over and over. Maybe we should be together by fate, but he can't just want me whenever it suits him best. Richard told me some things about what it's going to be like for me and we've sorted something out so I'm away from everything. He said school should be finished by the time it happens, but..."

Feeling Jude lightly squeeze my hand, urging me to keep going, I took a deep breath and continued, "I don't think he's right. I don't think I have that much time."

Breathing deeply, he rubbed circles on my hand with the pad of his thumb. "You need to listen to yourself Harper, no one else can know your body like you do. Even if it's only as a precaution, if you think something is happening, get yourself away." After a minute of silence, he gave my hand a final squeeze before settling his grip back on the wheel.

I knew what I was about to ask was a lot, but I also knew I didn't want to do it without people with me - without Jude with me. "Can you be there with me when it happens? Mason told me that you don't feel the need to mate with me like others will." If that was true and he didn't have the same want for me as others did when I was in heat or he could control it better, he would probably be the best person to help me through it.

He seemed to be thinking it over. Would he think it was strange for me to ask that? I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable and I guess I was being selfish, but it was only for a couple of days and if there were any... girly moments, Bella could take care of that. All I knew is that I really needed and wanted him to be there. "What about the guys?"

"Well Nicky's not mated so he can't be anywhere near me, Ray will be ok, but he and Emma can't stop their lives to look after me and Bella thinks I should just hook up with someone for the weekend." I laughed. "They'll be there too, I just wanted..."

I wanted what? What could I say; I want you to be there because I feel safe with you? Because I feel some kind of connection with you that I can't explain?

Slowly pulling down the gravel path leading to the Harbor Pack's house, Jude finally spoke. "I'll have to ask Mason's permission first."

"What? Why?" Why did Mason have to give permission?

He sighed. It was quiet, but I didn't miss it. "That's just the way it is pretty girl." There was a tone to his voice that ended the conversation there and then.

Groaning I reached over and undone my seatbelt. "Fine." Once the car had come to a stop, I opened the door before turning and looking over my shoulder, sending him a small smile which I hoped was reassuring. "Ready?"

In that one look I saw every different emotion known cross Jude's eyes, from fear and nervousness to pain and worry, but a second later the expressionless mask was once again in place. "I think it's more a question of whether you are, Harper."

If I knew then what I was about to see, I would have given Jude my answer.

No I wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready to see a pool of dried blood beneath a curled up body.

I wasn't ready for the sharp intake of breath and the pain that struck Jude's face as he watched his mother writhe in pain.

I wasn't ready for the sickening plummet in my stomach when I saw the smug smile Mason wore as he watched Jude, drop the second his eyes fell on me.