You didn't know how it happened.
Any of it.
You pushed into Will, feeling the firmess of his chest beneath the thin cotton of his t-shirt. He was real. He was right here. He wasn't going anywhere.
You gasped through a sob, pulling still closer to him, unable to fully convince your mind that he was really here with you. Everything that you had ever wanted. His strong arms around you. His voice quiet, soft, reassuring in your ear, whispering over and over again that everything was going to be okay. That you were safe. That he wasn't going to let you go.
You had dreamed of a moment like this for as long as you could remember, and now that it was finally here, you weren't sure that you could fully accept it in fear that you would shift and wake up, finding that it was all a dream.
Could you accept this? Could you believe? Could you dare to believe that what your heart desired most in the world desired you just as much? It seemed impossible. How could Will...love...you? How? He was perfect. Strong. Kind. Handsome. Caring. Nothing like any other boy you had ever met. And he loved you. How. That wasn't possible. Yet, somehow, it seemed to be so. He was here, holding you in his strong arms as you cried against his chest. Shivering. Wishing that you could somehow express how much his loving attention meant to you. You had been starved for love for so long, you weren't sure you knew how to give it back. Not in the way that he deserved, anyway.
And this, of course, made you cry even harder. But Will, ever patient, didn't seem to mind. He just held on to you tighter, softly kissing your head, continually whispering gentle, calming things in your ear.
How could he possibly love you? After everything you had done? After everything you had said to him? After how broken, scared, and imperfect you really were. You were nothing, and yet he saw you as something. Something beautiful, and pure, and special. He cared. Will cared when nobody else did.
A simple smile and an "I'm okay" worked like magic on other people. It amazed you how quickly they accepted that simple phrase, not even stoping to consider that you might be faking. That you weren't fine. That everything inside of you was crumbling into a million pieces, and you were scarred, and hurt, and so overwhelmed that you felt like you couldn't breathe, that the walls were closing in, that nobody cared! That nobody could see that you were drowning in an inescapable well of misery, shame, hurt and despair.
It seemed nobody knew. Nobody cared. Nobody.
Nobody, except Will. Will wouldn't take your fake smile or your pathetic line. He saw. He saw what nobody else ever could. He saw through you. You never understood how or why, but it broke you every time. That he would care enough to push the matter further. That he would insist that you weren't fine, even when you tried to brush it off with a wave of your hand. He knew. He always knew.
You yelled at him. Told him to mind his own business. Slammed the door in his face. You couldn't bear to let him see you. To come inside the horrible, messed up, broken, shattered mess of your life. The life that you hid away behind that forced smile, behind that fake laugh.
But he didn't leave. Even though you screamed at him to go. He wouldn't. You couldn't bear that. Everyone you loved you hurt. They were better off as far away from you as possible. You burned them. And they soon found out. One way or another, they all figured it out. Your secret. Your dark side. The pain that wouldn't release you. The pain that made you lash out, the pain that wouldn't let you rest, that wouldn't let you receive what they offered to you.
You could see the light, but couldn't reach it through the bars of the prison of your mind.
But Will.
