ozone // commentary crew oneshots

redemption // will x alex

the front door clicked shut hesitantly, and i heard the scuffle of a jacket and shoes being removed. uneven muffled footsteps approached the bedroom door, and a figure snuck in — impressively silently.

"will?" i whispered, huddled beneath the covers as i observed the door. i'd been in that state for around an hour.

even in the inky darkness, he looked taken aback, however quickly assumed an air of joy with a smile creeping onto his face. "hey baby!" he pranced around the side of the bed and rolled in beside me, giving me a peck on the cheek. he stank, but i didn't recoil: for now. my eyes remained glued to the bedroom door he'd just come through. my back was turned away from him and he wriggled around, attempting to spoon me. i made no move to shift away from him, though i knew i probably should.

"where have you been?" i eyed the time on the clock on my bedside table. 03:48.

"out. with mates, like i said."

"what were you doing with these mates then?" his finger brushed my cheek, but i drew the duvet tighter around me and forced him to move it.

"just having a laugh. i drank a bit, but not too much. i'm completely sober now." he released a breath of vodka-tinted air in a slight laugh. he was definitely smiling. this was some next level bullshit. the fucking nerve he had.

i threw the covers off in a spurt of rage, and moved myself down to the end of the bed. "i can't fucking believe you will," i said as i drew my knees to my chest and hugged my legs tight. "you're lying to me again."

"i'm not lying to you alex." there was amusement written all over his face, his body casually sprawled across his side of the bed. he must have thought i was a doll he had on strings, that he could seduce me into believing anything, doing anything, as long as the words were whispered in my ear by his sickly sweet tongue.

i rolled my eyes and licked my chapped lips; rough and dry (though will's were worse). "yes you are. of course you are."

"well then, what do you think i've been doing? do you think it's someone i've been doing?"

"no. because i know you love me." because i did.

"then what's the problem?"

"the problem, lenney, is that you're doing drugs again. like you fucking promised me you wouldn't."

"alex, come on, i di—"

"really, are you going to deny it? i know you meet up with those dodgy people and get high with them like you used to. what the fuck do you get from it?"

"i wasn't fucking with them!"

"then what the fuck is this?" i dug my hand into his tracksuit pocket and swiftly retrieved the tiny plastic bag which i knew would be in there. four tiny white pills sat evenly along the bottom. "and do you think an overload of lynx africa can mask the stench of weed? i can't believe my own boyfriend thinks i'm an idiot!"

"a—"

"i can't wait for you to tell me that the white shit on your t-shirt is just salt like last time."

will looked at me in the eyes for a moment, before snatching the bag back and burying it in his pocket once again.

"you probably think i'd have rather caught you cheating."

"alex."

i waited.

nothing else came.

that's all he had to say.

"wow," i whispered. "fuck you, lenney."

"don't call me that. that means you're angry with me." he thought he could make me laugh. he thought he'd won.

and that. that was what got me. "fuuuck me, you can't take anything seriously, can you? this is still a joke to you and it always has been. i can't fucking believe you!"

"ok, al, please just listen."

"you chat so much utter shit."

"alex, please—" i noticed his chest heave once with a large intake of air. i hoped it was poisonous, he would choke on the toxic tendrils snaking down his throat into his lungs.

"you said you'd fucking changed! you said you would stop!" if we hadn't been one strike away from being evicted, i would have yelled, screamed, broken everything he loved.

"i did stop, i did, i did, please alex, i did." his hands rifled through his hair and clung to the short cut as if it gave him some sense of security.

"i can't do it will. i can't keep letting myself be lied to."

"i wasn't lying, i haven't done anything for ages, not last week or the week before, not since the last time, i fucking swear to you. i just had to tonight. it was all there and i just... i had to."

"no, you didn't. what does that shit give to you that i can't? why couldn't you just come home? you were out for seven fucking hours without so much as a text. i don't know where you go, and even if i did find you those... people, they're monsters. they'd murder me. you know they would. so what am i meant to do, you tell me will? because at the moment i just sit at home and hope and pray that you're not dead. fuck, will, i can't... i just can't do it anymore."

i needed to stop. i should have stopped long ago. i should never have opened my mouth.

a tear ran down his face and he angrily wiped it away with the hand that wasn't still fiddling with the pills in his pocket. another one came. and then so many came that he could have been drowning in himself. he was almost silent as he laid his head back on the pillow and covered his face with his arms.

i would have held him, but i couldn't bring myself to do it. i sat at my place at the end of the bed and watched him cry. i thought maybe he'd fall asleep, and then i'd fall asleep, and then we'd wake up the next morning in a burst of love. we would go back to life in denial.

the thing with will, is he never, ever fell asleep before me.

i watched him sob until he had nothing left to give. i felt drained myself, like he'd cried all his own tears, and then leeched off of mine.

"baby?"

my silence was a reply enough.

"i'm... sorry. you have to help me." his voice was barely a whisper.

i thought carefully of my reply. unnecessary. it was simple. "i don't know what else i can do."

will removed his arms from his face. his eyes were bloodshot red. it could have been from the drugs, it was definitely from the crying. his cheeks sparkled enticingly and i found him as beautiful as ever, even in this state. i hated him — he didn't deserve a second second chance — but i would hate myself more if i didn't allow him the possibility of redemption.

"one last time baby. believe in me that i can do it. i'll do it for you."

"do it for yourself, lenney, and i'll be fine."

"lenney again? you're still angry at me." he made me chuckle, and a tear slipped out of the corner of my eye.

"i'll do it. i'll get clean." he said.

"ok." i held out my hand. he looked at it for a while, weighing up the options of what he could do with it. he shook it, making us both laugh through the tears which fell freely now.

i stared into his empty black eyes. "you know that's not why i did that."

his clammy hand let go of mine and found its way into his pocket, retrieving the little sachet of four pearls of hell. the cogs turned in his head, still debilitating whether i was worth it.

what felt like an excruciating age later, the bag was safely in my palm. i closed my fingers around it and gripped it tight so as to feel the pills crush and crumble within my clasp. i pictured them as his heart, and his body, and his brain, and his soul. they were one again.

"that's a good start lenney," i smiled, and brought him in for the hug we'd both been craving. i held him tighter than ever before.

"i actually kind of like it when you call me lenney."

"i know."

***

a/n: YOUR MOTHER